Fanfiction Hell
by Uzuki-Kun
Summary: Ever wondered if the Naruto characters read your fanfictions...well, they do! And they are mad as all hell! Now they are the ones writing. Latest Chapter: Hinata's depressed, and her sister is all up in her grill.
1. The horror begins!

Disclaimer: I am not responsible for anything in this...Oh wait...yes I am. Umm, the characters here are all property, intellectually and physically, of Masashi Kishimoto. What they do...that was me...and a little him...but mostly me. Copy and paste disclaimer on all future chapters. Easy, eh?

* * *

Sasuke walked aimlessly by his computer. His eyebrow raised as he walked to it, sitting down and opening his browser. 

"Ok…Check email. Go through my "I hate Itachi" list once more, and then see what my fans are saying about me…" he said to himself, finishing his checklist. Then, he went to opening the anime link and finding Naruto. _Bleh! I hate that name. I'm way better than that dobe! It should be Sasuke: The Show. The first episode would have me killing my brother…with an icepick…while everyone laughed in the background,_ he thought to himself with a grin. He scrolled down the list, smiling as the links and backgrounds came up.

"Hm, SasuSaku…SasuSaku…SasuSaku…pretty good," he said aloud. He scrolled down to the next page, going further into the list. "SasuSaku, SasuSaku, SasuSaku, again, good!" He scrolled to the next page, eyeing the list. "Hm, a SasuHina? Well, I always thought she was cute…" he said to himself, scrolling down the list. "SasuSaku, SasuSaku, Sasu…" he started, but stopped, finding a site. His eyes widened, and he jumped off the chair like it was on fire. "SasuNARU!!!!" he yelled. A kunai appeared in his hand. "I'll kill them all!" He yelled. He turned, ready to make for the door. Then, he calmed down. "I don't know where they live!" He turned around, sitting down and opening the page.

_Naruto and Sasuke sat in the hospital, Naruto glancing at his friend every few moments. Sasuke turned to him, his eyes large and glassy._

"_What is it, Naruto?" he asked, his lips pouting._

"_Sasuke, I…" Naruto started, but fell silent. Sasuke gently stroked his cheek._

"_I understand, Naruto," he said, his face coming closer._

"_Sas…"Naruto started. He stared at the lips, pursed and glistening. He began to move forward. They were only a few inches away now…closer…closer…closer…_

"ARRRRGGGGG!!!" Sasuke jumped again, quickly hitting the exit button. The page closed. He stalked the room, feeling terribly hurt and confused. How could they do this to him? SasuSaku was bad enough, but this? His fangirls let him down! He yelled, ranting and raving. Then, he went back to the computer. He sat, looking at the name of the person who had written the fanfiction.

"Hmm, TsukuyomiKiller…Who could that be?" he wondered. He pondered it for a while, and then realization dawned on him. His brother, Itachi. _That basturd!_ He grabbed his chair. Opening up a Word document, he began typing a nasty letter to his brother, telling him where to go and how to get there. Suddenly, an idea popped into his head…a very _EVIL_ idea. He smiled. He exited the word document and quickly popped up another. He began typing, slow at first because he wasn't good at typing or coming up with ideas, but faster and faster he went, until he was satisfied with the story. He smiled again, pulling up his account on the website. He quickly submitted it, and lay back. "This should be interesting," he thought.

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I hope you enjoyed chapter 1 of Fanfiction hell! Leave me a review and you will see yourself in a reviewer comment special. Aint that fun and great!? Also, this works by having a character personally, and then a fanfiction, and so on and so on. It's fun, just believe me. Ok, review and read on...for that is the knowledge base of the world! 


	2. Sasukes revenge

Itachi walked, dripping, to the door of Akatsuki. He brushed himself off, watching the water fall to the ground in discontent. He took off his shoes, glaring at his feet. In fact, he glared at anything he could see. Being the dumbest, ugliest Uchiha in the clan, he often glared at things that he thought were more beautiful than he, which was everything. He walked inside, slamming the door. He creeped to his room, though the door slamming probably woke everyone up anyway (stupid).

"Itachi, what are you doing so late at night, un?" said a particular voice. Itachi turned, staring at Deidara as he did so.

"Um, I was out, um, trying to catch the Kyuubi. Yeah, that's it," he said. Deidara smirked, then began to step closer to the soaking Uchiha.

"You are wet from more then just the rain, are you not?" he said. He smiled at the dripping Itachi, who felt paralyzed. "I see you aren't wearing the same cloak you left in, un," he said. Itachi's eyes went wide, staring down at his cloak. It looked the same as all the others, what was Deidara talking about?

"I don't know what you mean," he said, looking away. Deidara grinned wider, creeping close enough to sniff Itachi.

"I smell snake-oil on you, Itachi. Have you been somewhere…you shouldn't have, un?" he said. Itachi began to shake. Had Deidara figured it out? He turned back to Deidara. His eyes became red, and three small balls of fire appeared. Deidara was taken aback as he was quickly thrust into a genjutsu.

"I was out, trying to find the Kyuubi, and you will speak of this to no one, understand?" said Itachi. Deidara, in a daze, nodded. He turned, leaving the Uchiha in the room alone. After watching Deidara leave and enter his room, his door closing, Itachi went to his room and sat at his computer, opening up his email. He found what he was looking for, and quickly typed "Snakelover" into the box entitled "to". He smiled, typing as fast as he could.

_Tonight was great. I really look forward to our next romp together. Thank you for the wonderful evening. Will talk to you soon, Oro…_

_Your loving "friend",_

_Itachi-kun_

_p.s. The snake skin oil you used really adds to the sheen on my skin. Use it next time to!_

He closed the window after sending it, and got into bed. He had had a long, long night.

* * *

(Sasuke sniggered. "That'll teach my stupid brother to play pranks!")

* * *


	3. Itachi's Comeback

Itachi sat at his computer, looking up nail polish remover on a website that sold the product and things like it. He glanced at the few items for sale, and quickly added some of it to his cart. Buying things was a pain, he thought. It made him want to kill his family. He smiled. Oops, he had done that already. Pressing send, he closed the browser.

"Hmm, I wonder if my foolish brother has read my story yet. Maybe I will have to see," he said. He quickly opened the website, going to the Naruto section and scrolling down to his story. Directly above lay another story entitled "Itachi's late night". He frowned, opening the story and reading the contents. As he ended his reading, he smiled.

"So, little brother, you really do know how to think. Very well, we shall begin this game," he said. He brought up his word processing window and began to type a story. In the middle of it, he became confused.

"What was that girl's name again? She is so unimportant to the plot that I forgot…Sukra? Seekara? Hmm," he said aloud. He scrolled back to the fiction stories until he found the name. "Hmm, Haruno Sakura? Very well," he said. Turning back to his story, he began anew.

It was an hour later when he finally finished his story. Satisfied with the type, spelling, and text, he pressed the save to stories line. He sat back in his chair, perusing the story.

"Itachi-san, what are you doing?" said Kisame, poking his head into the door.

"How many times have I told you, Kisame? Don't come in when I am on the computer. You know you get things wet wherever you go and I don't want to buy another one," he said, still reading his story. Kisame plodded over, bending over and reading what Itachi had wrote. He smiled.

"This is going to piss your brother off, Itachi-san," he said, chuckling.

"Thank you, Kisame. I hope it does. We have begun a battle of the wits, and my brother will know the pain that he hasn't known yet. The pain of fandom," he said. Kisame inhaled.

"Itachi-san, may I ask a favor?" he said. Itachi's eyebrow raised as he turned his head to look at Kisame.

"What is that?" he asked. Kisame smiled as wide as he could, which annoyed Itachi more.

"Can I have you add a character into that?" he said. Itachi huffed, then relented, turning back to his computer and opening the document for re-typing.

"Who is it and what is he or she doing?" he asked.

"Well, he is doing some horrible things," laughed Kisame, standing. "And his name….is Might Guy!"

* * *


	4. Itachi Makes His Move

Sasuke and Naruto, after the fateful day at the hospital, began spending more time together. They were always around one another. They ate ramen together, played at the park together (a very childish thing to do), and went to the movies. Often, they were seen just gazing into each others eyes, dreamily thinking of…things.

"Oy, Sasuke," said Naruto, his eyes gazing at the Uchiha's face.

"Yes, Naruto-kun," said the other, immersed in the yellow-haired child's face.

"I know now why Sakura wasn't really all that important to me. It was always you that I was after," he said. Sasuke blushed, looking down. He put a hand on his head and rubbed his hair.

"Actually, to tell you the truth, Naruto, I wanted to tell you that I…that I…I…" he started, but couldn't finish. Naruto cocked his head at him, looking at him strangely.

"You what, Sasuke?" he said. Sasuke turned around, his face a mask of uncertainty.

"I…I…I love you, alright! There, I said it!" He blurted the words out faster than he had meant to. It felt good to get it off his chest, though. He sat, waiting for the reply he hoped would come. However, there was nothing but silence. He straightened, turning. Naruto was gone. Where could he have gone to? Suddenly, a hand grabbed his shoulder and twisted him around, a mouth firmly planted on his. He smiled, his eyes closed. However, when he opened his eyes, it was Sakura there, not Naruto. She released him, watching him with a coy look on his face. He sat in utter outrage.

"Oy, Sasuke, I found you a four-leaf clover!" said Naruto, running from behind a tree back to the bench. He stopped when he saw Sakura standing there in front of Sasuke. The clover dropped from his hands as he walked up to them. "Sakura-chan, what are you doing?" he said. She stood, glaring at Naruto.

"I was just kissing my future husband!" she said huffily. Suddenly, Sasuke got to his feet, lashing out. Sakura flew through the air as the slap resounded through the trees and bushes.

"I love Naruto, you stupid skank! I thought that would have been perfectly clear by now!" he yelled.

"Sasuke…" Naruto said, gulping. Sasuke huffed, turning and grabbing the yellow-haired boy by the hand.

"Come on, Naruto. We're leaving!" he said, marching him down the path. Naruto quickly gained pace, jumping on the other boys back and riding him like horse down the path. Both were giggling fitfully as they walked out of earshot. Sakura got up, massaging her face where Sasuke had slapped her.

"Sasuke-kun," she said quietly, then got up and turned away down the path. However, she was not alone.

"Hmm, the youth of today are in trouble! I, Might Guy, must show them the way to enlightenment!" yelled Guy as he sprang from a bush where he had been watching the whole thing. He jogged down the path, grabbing Sakura's hand.

"Sakura, you and I will go down the path of youth and find you a worthy boyfriend! But first, I need tips on how to impress boys!" said Guy. Sakura sniffed, then a smile broke out on her face.

"Really, Guy-sensai? You need my help on how to impress boys? Oh, you mean so that you have an idea about how to do it so you can help me, right?" she said, eagerly. He scoffed.

"No, I need help to impress Kakashi. You know I have been trying to impress him with my youthful posing and hip new sentences, but nothing has worked so far. Please, my youthful Sakura, you must help me in my quest to be hip and youthful!" he said. She choked.

"Why do you want to impress Kakashi-sensai?" she asked.

"Because," said Guy, letting her go. He jumped to the path, striking a pose, pointing to the sun and flexing his other arm. "Because, he is my rival, and the easiest way to beat him is to seduce him!" he said. Sakura sighed, then grabbed Guy's arm and led him off the path.

"Ok, the first part about boy's is that they like huge…well…huge…" she began, trying to pick her words correctly.

"Watermelons? They like huge melons?" he offered. She nodded.

"Yeah, something like that," she said. She looked down at herself. She didn't really have anything like that. That must be why she was so unpopular.

"Very well," said the enthusiastic Guy. He grabbed her hand and pulled her down the path.

"Where are we going?" she asked, her skirt flapping in the breeze created by the jogging, green suited idiot.

"We are going…to the produce stand!" he yelled. Suddenly, he picked her up, throwing her over his shoulder.

"If we cannot find melons big enough to impress Kakashi, I will do 10000 push-ups…or something equally stupid and crazy!" he said. Sakura didn't know who was more worthless to the plot of the show. Guy-sensai…or her.

("Hehe, that's good, Itachi," said Kisame. He turned and left the room as Itachi hit post, rereading the story to himself.

"Hmm, well, she is worthless in basically every way. I suppose this will do," said Itachi. He had made fun of the Kyuubi, his nieve and foolish little brother, that stupid pink-haired girl, that ridiculous green suited idiot, and Kakashi, the jerk with the sharingan eye. He smiled. All in all, a pretty good chapter to his story.)

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	5. Sakura Becomes Involved

Sakura slammed her door. Her mother could be so bossy sometimes, telling her to clean her room, do the dishes, and stop staring at Sasuke all day and all night. Geez, why wouldn't she lay off? She slammed herself onto her bed, grabbing her pillow and shouting into it. After she was done with her auditory cry, she lay, resting. Getting up, she paced the room, fighting the urge to run outside and down the street to Sasuke's house. She felt like she needed to give him something, but she didn't know what she could give him that the prestigious Uchiha didn't already have.

"I know, I can give him something on-line. An on-line card or something. Cha! That's the ticket," she said to herself, grabbing a chair and pulling herself to the computer. She typed in her e-mail, finding a cute e-card on the internet and sending it to Sasuke. She smiled, glad that she could make him feel better. Of course, he hated e-cards, especially ones from her. He dumped them from his mailbox as soon as he found them. Actually, to tell the truth, he had her blocked from his e-mail for all the e-mails she sent him.

"Hmm, I wonder what I should do now," she thought. She leaned back, closing her eyes and tapping her forehead. At least it was good for something, she thought.

_CHA! We should totally check out the fan-fictions on the internet! _Her inner-Sakura began to come out.

"That's a great idea! I'm glad I thought of it!" She typed in the address and went to the Naruto fan-fictions. She scrolled down, making as many comments on SasuSaku fictions as possible. Suddenly, something caught her eye.

"What the hell is this?" she asked herself, opening the page and scrolling down the story. "Sasuke and Naruto are doing WHAT!" she quickly opened the page with reviews. "I hate this story. Why are Sasuke and Naruto doing that? You basturd, if I knew where you were, I would kill you right now! Oh, and I am NOT useless. I am the opposite of that! I am…extremely useful! I have a right to be in the plot, so stop making this fiction!" She wrote angrily, slamming her fingers into the buttons. She accidentally broke two of the keys, but thankfully, they were the z and q keys, and she hardly used them ever.

"Now, that's done. What should I do now?" she thought, tapping her desk as the fan-fictions sat in front of her. "I know! I should type a fan-fiction of my own, to show Sasuke how much I love him!" She smiled, opening word pad and typing.

_CHA! He'll love it for sure! You go girl!_ Her inner-Sakura was pumping her fist in the air in celebration. Sakura smiled. After she was done, she perused her work, nodding her satisfaction. She hit enter, and created a new storyline. She added her document, and her story popped up on the site. She sat, waiting…and waiting…and waiting. It only took about ten minutes and someone had already reviewed it.

"Wow, that was fast!" she cried out in glee. She opened her reviews, reading the words…

"This is the biggest waste of my life I have ever read. Please stop writing post haste, as nothing you say is congruent to life. I do not say this for myself, but for others who may read it in the future. You will delete this, because it is your destiny to not be a writer." She read, a tear starting to brim. _Not my destiny?_ That sounded like someone. She began to bite her fingernails. Suddenly, a knock on the door downstairs caught her attention. She ran to the stairs, looking down as her mom opened the door.

"Oh, hello. What can I do for you?" she asked.

"Is it Sasuke, mom?" she asked, hope tingeing her words. A pretty face with blueish black hair and pale, blue eyes stared up at her.

"No, I'm sorry Sakura-chan, it's just me," she replied. Sakura sighed, then smiled.

"Hey Hinata. What can I do for you?" she asked. Hinata shyly began climbing the stairs.

"I…wanted to ask if you…if you had your homework done? I have been having problems on it…and was wondering…" she began, poking her fingers together. Sakura beamed.

"Sure, I have it in here. Come on in!" she said, turning and walking into her room. Hinata walked in after her, looking around. Sakura grabbed her homework, neatly completed and compiled, and handed it to her. Then, she walked back to the computer and began to proofread her work. Hinata, curious as always, walked over to her, reading over her shoulder.

"Um, Hinata, do you mind?" she asked peering to the side. Hinata started, turning around and walking a few steps away. Then, she stopped, half-turning back towards Sakura.

"Sakura-chan…can you…perhaps…I mean, you don't have to…but…" she began, her face blushing. Sakura swiveled her seat around, staring at the girl.

"What is it, Hinata?" she asked. Hinata looked at the floor, her hood coming up over her face as she stubbed the ground with her foot.

"Would you mind…putting me in your story?" she asked. Sakura was confused for a moment, and then nodded knowingly.

"Sure Hinata. Where do you want to be? I suppose you want to be near Naruto's part, right?" she said, quickly bringing up that part of the story and typing. Hinata started. How did she know?

"Sakura-chan, how…" she began. Sakura only grinned and chuckled.

"I'm not a dumb boy, Hinata. I know exactly how you feel for Naruto," she said. She was still typing as fast as she could. Hinata blushed, looking away. "There, how do you like that?" Sakura said, turning towards Hinata and motioning towards the screen. Hinata walked up, staring at the screen and reading as fast as she was able. She smiled shyly.

"Thank you, Sakura-chan," she said in a whisper. Sakura smiled. She helped a friend, herself, and put paid to some rumors. It was a good day to be a writer after all.

"Oh! Hey, I have a question," Sakura said, turning back to her computer. "Do you know who said this to me?" Sakura brought the review page back up, and Hinata read only a few words before she said something.

"Neji-kun can be so mean sometimes," she said, half apologetically. Sakura was only mad for a second, but she grinned.

"Fine, if that's the game he wants to play, lets play!" she said. She opened her story, adding some more to it. She perused it and smiled evilly, hitting the save button. Hinata giggled. Neji-nii-san would be really mad, she thought.

* * *


	6. Sakura Takes a Shot

Sasuke lay on the ground, bleeding from a massive wound in his side. He fought gamely on, using his Sharingan to watch his opponents moves and counterattack. The three ninjas were using the superiority of numbers to hack at him, coming in for an attack and feinting away for another to attack. Sasuke blocked a kunai, and then was thrown to the ground from a savage kick. He lay, helpless, watching as the three came in for the kill.

"CHA!" shouted Sakura, diving from a tree into the midst of the three would-be killers. She punched out, cracking one in the face and sending another one flying with a kick. The last ninja got on his knees, begging for mercy.

"Please spare me, oh great and mighty Sakura Haruno of the Village Hidden in the Leaves! We have learned our lesson, and we will never harm anyone here ever again," he cried. He shriveled before her, groveling on his hands and knees and kissing her feet. She sighed, picking the quaking ninja up and shaking him off.

"Ok, just quit crying. Get your friends and leave. I never want to see you again!" she said. He nodded, dropping to the ground and picking up the other two. Then, he was gone, flying through the trees and away from Konoha as fast as he could. Sasuke couldn't believe his eyes. He couldn't beat them, but Sakura did? He smiled. She was growing more powerful every day. She may be more powerful than himself. She twirled her hair, and he noticed how bright and dazzling she looked.

"Sakura…..chan," he said. He spit up a little blood before continuing. "Thank you. I'm just sorry that…it ended like this," he said, a smile suffused to his lips as he lay back.

"Sasuke-kun!" She ran to his side, kneeling by his wound and placing her hands on it. It healed in a matter of seconds, the sinew, bone, flesh and muscle all knitting perfectly together. He blinked, looking up into the bright sun. Then, he smiled, sitting up to face his protector.

"Thank you, Sakura. You saved my life!" he said. She blushed, looking away.

"Sasuke-kun…you're making me blush," she said in a low voice.

"Sakura-chan." He began to move forward, his lips coming closer to her. She looked at them, and couldn't help it anymore. She moved forward, pressing her lips to his. They sat, locked in an eternal embrace, sharing their fears, hate, love, and admiration in one stolid movement. Finally, after what seemed an eternity, they separated, and Sasuke looked deep into her eyes.

"Sakura-chan, you know that it was you I always wanted. You should be the mother of my clan, not that pig Ino. It was always you, I just never had the courage to say it before now," he said.

"Sasuke…" she began, but he grabbed her, pulling her in for another long, romantic kiss.

"Sasuke!" shouted Naruto, wandering aimlessly in the woods. He had been wandering around blindly for hours, not knowing which way was up, down, left, or right. He didn't know how to tell his direction from the sun yet, though every good shinobi should know right off the get go how to do that, the simplest of things. He scratched his head, turned, and blundered into a tree. "Ow! That hurt!" he said. He kicked the tree in frustration.

"Fine, I'll just sit here until someone finds me!" he said. He lay down, closing his eyes. Suddenly, he heard the thuds of feet landing in his vicinity. He sprang up, eyes open wide.

"There you guys are, I've been looking everywhere for…" he began, then stopped. It wasn't Sasuke or Sakura standing there, but three very angry looking ninja from the Hidden Grass Village. They sniggered.

"I guess that this one's alone," one of them said. The other two continued to chuckle. Naruto backed away.

"You won't take me alive!" he said. He had heard that some where, and he thought it sounded cool, though it sounded perfectly lame.

"Well, you're in luck kid, cause we don't want you alive!" said the one to the right. Suddenly, three kunai appeared in his hand. Naruto stood, shocked for one moment by the instantaneous surprise. The ninja let fly, the stunned boy an easy target. WHAP! THUNK! The kunai were blocked, zinging off in all directions. Naruto watched from the ground where he had fallen as his would-be savior stood over him.

"You won't touch Naruto-kun!" she said, her hands in front of her. Naruto sat, watching the stranger. Even from the backside, he knew she was beautiful, plus she had the voice of an angel. He didn't know who she was, but he was very glad she had found him.

"Kill her, boys. Don't let them escape!" said one, taking off at a run to catch the young woman at odds. She smiled, dropping to a crouch as the kunai the man wielded went wide.

"Jyuuken!" she shouted, thrusting her palms into the man's abdomen. He went down without another word. The other two tried their luck, but both fell in quick succession with the girl's powers. They lay, crumpled on the ground. She stood, breathing heavily but at an even pace. Then, she turned around. Naruto was amazed. It was Hinata Hyuuga, the heiress of the Hyuuga family, which had saved him. She bowed.

"Are you alright, Naruto-kun?" she said. All shyness and lackluster were gone from the girl, and she stood, bold and proud. Naruto had never seen her like this. She came up from her bow, shaking her head and allowing her wondrous mane of hair to fall on her shoulders.

"Hinata, you saved me. How can I repay you?" said Naruto, getting up off the ground and coming to take Hinatas' hand. She blushed, looking at his hands.

"Naruto-kun, I only want one thing…you," she said, looking up into his eyes. Suddenly, he pulled her close, pressing his lips to hers. At first, she was surprised, but slowly she let him kiss her, and wrapped her arms around his shoulders. After a moment, they came apart, looking into each others eyes.

"Naruto-kun…"she said, staring into the eyes she had wanted for a long time before.

"Hinata…" said Naruto, and kissed her again. She sighed inwardly. Nothing could ruin this moment.

At that exact moment, Neji, Hinata's cousin, was walking through. He looked up, hearing sounds coming from the West. He smirked, knowing how much time the Byakugan saved. Then, he used his family's ability, scanning the forest. Then, he saw his cousin kissing Naruto, and balked.

"Hinata-sama, how could you…" he said to himself. His eyes went back to normal as he ended the ability, and his hands hung limp at his sides. A tear fell from his eyes.

"Neji-san, you look sad. Perhaps I can cheer you up!" shouted Rock Lee, walking into the glade. Neji looked up at him, and smiled. Lee stopped, perplexed, as Neji came over. He grabbed Lee's arm and began to march out of the glade.

"Lee, I bet you can cheer me up," Neji said, a wicked grin on his face. Lee yelped once, and then was forced to comply with the wishes of the crazed Hyuuga.

("Neji-san will hate this!" said Hinata, coming back into the room with drinks. Sakura finished searching for errors in the script, and triumphantly put it on her page of fanfiction. She smiled.

"That'll teach him for saying that to me!" she said. Hinata handed her a glass of lemonade that she thankfully accepted.

"But do you think Lee deserved that?" Hinata asked, sitting on Sakura's bed and sipping her drink. She stared into the yellow liquid. _It reminds me of Naruto, sort of_ she thought to herself. Sakura laughed, walking over.

"Naw, he won't see it I bet!" she said. She put her glass up, and after a second of indecision, Hinata brought her glass to it. Then, they both downed the spoils of war before Hinata left with the homework securely packaged away. She would work on it after daydreaming a little, she thought. It was funny though. She allowed herself a chuckle before exiting the house and starting the walk home.)

* * *


	7. A Neji and Lee Moment

Neji was perusing the internet. He needed shampoo, his favorite, organic, herbal shampoo. He had run out just that morning, and desperately needed more. Scanning the website, he found what he was looking for and added some to his cart. He quickly typed his information in and put next day shipping. Sure, it was expensive, but it was worth looking gorgeous for a mere twenty extra yen. He smiled as he hit the send button.

"Neji, please come out and do the dishes for your aunt," said Hiashi, poking his head into the room. Neji sighed as the screen went black. The main branch always made him do all the work, and he never got anything he wanted done. He got up with a huff, turning and walking down the hall to the kitchen. He glanced at the pile of dishes, and sighed again. Putting on some large, plastic gloves (because he didn't want to give himself dishpan hands!) he began to scrub each pot and pan thoroughly.

He had just began on the glasses when an annoying voice from outside cut him off.

"Neji-san, hello? Is that you? I must talk to you. It is of urgent news and volition that we speak!" said the voice. Neji groaned. Even on his days off, Lee still had to bug him. The door opened and Lee walked in. Neji turned with a glass still in his hands. He glared at the green jump suited youth with his bright, shiny smile and his upbeat attitude.

"What do you want, Lee?" he said, anger and frustration tingeing his voice. Lee gave him thumbs up.

"I need to show you a site on the internet, Neji. It is of utmost importance that you see it!" he said. He grabbed the Hyuuga's arm, and began marching him to the back.

"Lee, let go! I need to finish these dishes before Hiashi gets back!" Neji said, wrenching his arm away and returning to the dishes. Lee turned, taking stock of the pile of dishes and Neji, who was still slowly cleaning the one glass. Lee smirked, running a hand through his hair.

"Neji-san, I consider this a challenge!" he said. He jumped, landing on the table and doing a pose that just reeked of Gai-sensai. Neji groaned. What was the idiot doing? "I will help you with the dishes, and we will get them done before your uncle comes back. I will do this or I will do four-thousand pinky push-ups!" He sprang back down, giving Neji another thumb up and a grin before going to his side and grabbing a towel. Neji sighed again. His partner was a complete and total idiot!

However, things worked out great. Not only did they get the dishes cleaned, they also got the entire kitchen organized, swept, and mopped in record time. Neji stood, looking as the floor sparkled in the sun. He smiled.

"Well, Lee. Thanks for the help…" he began, but was cut short by the youth grabbing his arm and propelling him towards the bedroom. "Lee, what…" he tried to say, but Lee thrust him in the bedroom first, turning to make sure they weren't followed, and closed the door.

"Now that we have the kitchen cleaned, Neji-san, I need you to pull up the internet and look at something!" he said, turning. Neji sighed again. Why me? Well, he reasoned, Lee did help him a lot. It would have taken him three times the amount of time to have done what they did, so he should be grateful. He looked at the youth before turning to the computer. Ok, not to grateful.

He pulled up his internet browser, clicking in the browser box and waiting. "Ok, Lee. Where to?" he said. Lee smiled, coming over and kneeling next to him.

"Go to this site here," he said, hen-pecking the keyboard. Neji watched as words popped up on the screen.

"Hmm, the fan fiction site. This is what you were going to show me, Lee?" he said, incredulous. Lee smiled.

"Yes, Neji-san, because you have to see something," he said. Neji snorted. He checked this thing every day to make hateful comments on pages he didn't like. Doing that gave him too much pleasure…to much pleasure indeed. He smiled as the page for Naruto opened up. He started to scroll down until Lee told him to click on a page. He glanced at the title.

"Hmm, Sakura saves the day? What foolishness is this? That girl can't do anything. She is more useless to the plot than…" he started to say, but turned. Lee was looking straight at him.

"What were you going to say, Neji-san?" he asked. Neji looked away and back at the screen. He was going to say Gai, but he had stopped himself. Though he could easily take Lee, he didn't want to have to clean his room up after a fight. He clicked it, reading the paragraphs slowly. He got to the part about Sakura rescuing the Uchiha and thought of the irony. He shook his head, chuckling. He kept reading, glancing down the page. He got to the part about Naruto and Hinata, and chuckled again. His stupid cousin would never do anything like this, and Naruto would always be dim witted. A fan fiction like this could never get any reviews, he thought. No one would want to read it. He scrolled lower, and stopped when he saw his own name appear. He read, faster and faster. His jaw dropped when he got to the part about him grabbing Lee's arm and leading him away.

"I…I…will kill…them," he swore under his breath, his eyes becoming tinged with hate and anger. Lee stood, turning and putting his hand to his chin.

"Neji-san, please explain what this passage means. I am confused. Are you leading me away to train? Is this what it implies?" he asked. Neji couldn't speak, he was still to livid to answer. He ran back to the name of the author to figure out who it was. Lee turned, still wondering, and walked over, glancing at the name. He smiled.

"Pink Blossom Of Beauty! That sounds like Sakura-chan!" he said, cheerily. He got up and nodded. "Sakura-chan is so nice, putting me and you into a story. Especially if she has us training," he said. Neji swore under his breath.

"We aren't training, Lee. It's not that at all!" he said. Well, two could play at that game, he thought. He pulled up a word document, beginning to type. He was a fast typist, and in no time at all had a reasonable story put together. He glanced it over quickly, reading it as fast as he had typed it. He smiled. Sakura was dead meat, but he was going to kill her in another fashion. He sent it to the site and put it up. Lee came over to read what he was doing, and clucked his teeth.

"Neji, you shouldn't put that on there, especially when Sakura-chan gave us such high thoughts," he said. Neji turned, glaring at Lee.

"Hey, Lee, why don't you go out and run around Konoha two hundred times?" he offered. Lee saluted.

"Hai! Neji-san, I will do this, as it seems like a challenge. Konoha's Glorious Green Beast never refuses a challenge. To victory!" He dashed from the room, leaving Neji alone. He turned back to the computer, and waited.

* * *


	8. Neji's 128 Word Strike

Sakura laid, blood pooling on the stones that her body was resting on. Naruto, his face a mask of tears and distress, kneeled at her side. Sasuke stood, staring, as Naruto buried his face in her shirt.

"Sakura-chan…why did you eat so much? You knew your stomach would explode if you ate all that rice. Why, Sakura-chan? Why did you have to be so worthless to the plot that you died like this? WHY!" He cried, his body wracked in convulsions. Sasuke sniffed, turning and walking away. Naruto felt him, his presence beginning to fade. He turned, staring at Sasukes' back. "Don't you have anything to say?" he said. Sasuke stopped, his head bowed. Suddenly, he turned, a smile plastered on his face.

"Finally! Finally free! FINALLY!" he yelled. Then, he took off, running away from the body of the girl who loved him and the boy that loved her. Naruto sniffed, looking down at the body of Sakura. Then, he felt better, much better in fact. He got up, brushing himself off and turning.

"Well, can't cry forever, you know," he told himself, walking away from the glade. The crows sat in the trees, waiting for the nuisance to leave so they could begin the feast. She had been quite useless to the plot, but the crows still needed to eat.

Back in Konoha, Naruto found himself at Ichiraku's ramen shop. He ordered himself a bowl before sitting there.

"Where's the pink haired girl your with sometimes, Naruto?" said the old man behind the counter. Naruto's eyebrow lifted.

"Who?" he said. The old man rubbed his head. He really didn't know who she was. Must have been a filler character, he thought to himself. He busied himself with the order as Naruto sat, reading a book. It was only a children's book, because he couldn't read that well, but he did like to look at the picture's. He smiled at a picture of a cow.

"Hehe….moo," he thought. Suddenly, he saw someone out of the corner of his eye. He turned, staring at a girl standing near a wall, staring at him. He smiled, waving.

"Hinata, don't just stalk me all the time! Have some ramen, but stop staring at me. You're creeping me out!" he said. The girl, upon hearing the very voice of the boy she admired so much…fainted. Naruto watched her fall, then shrugged and turned back to the ramen. He ate, quietly, thinking how many punches would never fall now that…what was her name again? Now that she was gone. He smiled. He liked it when non-important characters died. It made him seem more important to the plot.

"Naruto!" shouted a voice from behind him. He turned to see Sasuke walking up to him.

"Hey, isn't the day just bright and sunny! It makes me feel like singing!" said the Uchiha, waving his arms in the air. Naruto grinned, and joined him in singing a tune. When they were done, Sasuke left, leaving Naruto in peace once more.

Sasuke couldn't believe it. He was not only free of that accursed…girl? Who was she again. Oh well, he thought, he never had to see her again.

"Hey, Sasuke," said a heavenly voice behind him. He turned to watch Ino bouncing towards him.

"Hey, Ino!" He walked quickly to her, grabbing her hand and bringing her in close. She closed her eyes and smiled as his lips touched hers, locking them in an embrace.

"Wow, Sasuke. Where did that come from?" she asked when they finally parted. Sasuke grinned and laughed.

"Ever since that one girl died, I have been feeling great!" he said. She laughed.

"So, Sakura died, huh?" she said. He blinked.

"Who?" he asked. She blinked back.

"Wait, who died?" she asked. They both looked at the other, and then laughed, walking down the alley and away.

Somewhere else in Konoha, a certain mouse-haired girl was training, trying to sink a kunai deep into a tree trunk. She stood, exhausted, eyeing the kunai lying around the trunk.

"Damn! I'll never get this!" she said to herself in despair. Suddenly, an unearthly voice answered her.

"Tenten, I know you can do it. It is your destiny to succeed," it said. She turned, then blushed. Neji stood, leaning against a tree and watching her.

"Neji-kun, I didn't know you were here," she said. She turned back to the tree. "If you say I can do it, then I can! You believe in me, and that gives me strength!" she said. Suddenly, he was behind her, his left and right hand grabbing her arms.

"When you throw, feel the kunai in your hands. Don't use them like weapons, use them as extensions of your body," he whispered, showing her the movements by manipulating her arms. She closed her eyes, allowing herself to melt into his body. She threw the kunai, and it hit perfectly. She cried out in pleasure, then turned to the Hyuuga.

"Thank you, Neji-kun. You…really helped me!" she said. She was going to say more, but stopped, staring into his beautiful, pearl colored eyes. He smirked, and she watched his lips purse.

"You had it in you the entire time, Tenten-chan. I just gave you the encouragement you needed," he said. He turned to leave, but Tenten held his hand.

"Don't go," she said. He smiled, turning around again. She smiled, half turning as her face turned red. He took her arm, bringing her in close.

"Tenten, I have always wanted you. You were…" he began. She put a finger to his lips.

"…my destiny," she finished for him. Then, the sunset radiated warmth and beauty, locking the two together in the embrace that they had both wanted for so long.

(Neji stared at the fiction. True, he had only wanted to get back at Sakura. Killing her was good, but putting Ino with Sasuke was better. Adding himself and Tenten at the end was pure genius, though. He smiled, hitting send on the site.

"It is my destiny to be a writer, and Sakura's destiny…to fade away," he said.

"Neji, I am on lap one-hundred and ninety-nine. Please, come watch me finish my last lap!" said a voice from his window. He sighed.

"Lee, I told you four hundred laps, not two hundred. You are still two hundred and one laps away from the finish!" he yelled. There was no answer for a time.

"Hai! I understand. I have miscounted, and must finish. Then, I will do four hundred more laps to remind myself of the first four. Very good, Neji. Thank you for reminding me!" Lee said. Neji listened as the boys feet got farther away. He shook his head. Lee was by far the most incompetent person he knew. Well, almost. Lee, Naruto, Sakura, Sasuke, Gai…he couldn't count the people in his head fast enough. He yawned, looking up at the time. It was almost time for bed, he thought. He closed his browser and shut down the computer. He set the alarm on his clock before heading to the shower. His shampoo would be there the next day, so one night without wouldn't kill him. It may scar him for life, but he would deal with that. It was his destiny to…)

* * *


	9. The Slacker Attempts to Write

Ino busied herself with an arrangement of flowers, clipping off the dead buds and picking off some of the browner leaves. When she was satisfied, she carefully carried the arrangement out to the front of the shop, placing it on the front desk. She sighed as she looked around. It had been slow that day, to slow for her liking. She liked it best when people came in. Then she could flaunt her knowledge of botanicals and show them exactly what they wanted. She huffed, sitting down in a chair and looking bored.

"INO!" said a voice that she knew to well. A smile played on her lips as she looked up.

"Hello, Choji!" she said. Choji entered, and as always, had brought a bag of chips with him and was eagerly munching them.

"Hey, so, what's up?" he asked. She sighed, taking another glance around the store.

"Nothing. That's just the problem. No one has come in today and I am bored to tears!" she said. She glanced back at him. He took a glance around the empty store, then back at her.

"Well, cheer up! I brought you something!" he said. He took his pack off and rummaged around.

"Choji, it's always food with you. You know I don't eat the stuff you do," she said, shaking her head. Something thudded onto the counter, and she opened her eyes. An apple, fresh and red, sat staring back at her.

"I know you hate the stuff I eat, so I brought you an apple instead!" he said, grinning. Her face softened as she looked from the apple to Choji.

"Thanks, Choji," she said, taking the apple and eating a small bite. She chewed slowly and thoughtfully as he watched. It was a bit sour, but refreshing since it was the only thing that she had had to eat that day. She smiled, taking another bite.

"So, what do you do around here when the store is dead?" Choji asked, leaning on the counter and eating his chips. She sighed.

"Well, I usually pull up the fanfictions about us and find good ones. I like to comment on ones about me," she said. Choji looked at her.

"Huh, I never find any about me, so I never look," he said. It was a pain to get on his computer anyways. He only had dial-up, and it took so long that he usually forgot about the internet and watched television instead. He huffed. "I only have dial-up, so I never go on the internet," he said. She beamed, grabbing his arm and basically pulling him over the counter.

"Well, you're in luck, because I have wireless, and it is way fast!" she said, smiling. He smiled back.

"Great. So, what are we waiting for?" he said. She quickly pushed her chair to the computer sitting on the edge of the desk and brought up the internet. Typing in the site, she scrolled down the list.

"See, I have all sorts of favorites on here. Most of them are done, but some are still going," she said. Choji sat, wide-eyed, as she browsed down the list.

"Hey, what's that one?" he said, pointing to a page. She shrugged, clicking the page to open. They both silently read the page, going down the entire length. When she was through, she burst out into laughter while Choji shook his head.

"Wow, someone really doesn't like Sakura!" Her sides convulsed in mirth as tears streamed from her eyes. "Sakura as crow bait, that's original!" she said. Plus, she had Sasuke, which was great on her end. She chuckled a little more as Choji watched her.

"It's not very nice, though. Hmm, I wonder who wrote that?" he said. Ino glanced at the name.

"Hehe, DestinysChild…HA! What a lame name!" she said. She chuckled again while Choji shook his head.

"Neji sure has a way with words, and he isn't to creative, is he?" he said. Ino glanced at him.

"What would your name be?" she said, inquisitive. He smiled at her.

"FoodIsGood!" he said, as if it should have been obvious. She shook her head.

"That's not that great, Choji. Everyone would know who you were," she said. Choji sighed.

"I know it's troublesome, but I came here to get you," said a certain voice.

"Shikamaru!" Choji said, turning to face his friend. Shikamaru glanced from one to the other and sighed.

"Man, what a pain this is. Come on, Asuma-sensai has to talk to you guys," he said. Choji nodded and hopped the counter, walking out of the store. Ino quickly yelled up the stairs to her mom and hopped the counter also, walking past Shikamaru. He rolled his eyes as the door closed.

"Well, he never asked for me, and it would be troublesome to go all the way home. I guess I will hang here for a while. Though I would rather be watching some clouds right now," he said. He sighed again, walking around the shop and staring at plants. He frowned at one, a yellow flower hanging there.

"Hmm, it reminds me of…her," he said. He yawned, going to the counter and sitting down in the chair. He laid his head on the counter and closed his eyes, hoping he could sleep off the boredom.

"Shikamaru, if you're going to sit there, then can you watch the store for me?" said a voice from behind. He recognized Ino's mom, so he held his hand up in a gesture of compliance. A small acknowledgement from her was all he heard, and then golden silence once again. He sighed. Then, he looked up, staring at the computer as it sat there. It was still on the fanfiction site, and he _was_ really bored. He yawned, sitting up in the chair and scrolling through some of the fictions. Most were boring, and only one or two caught his eye enough for him to read overview. He yawned again. It would be troublesome…but…

Shikamaru opened a word document and typed. He typed slowly, but then again, it didn't really matter if he finished it or not. Typing faster got it done faster, but not better, and it required more energy and thought, something he didn't care about putting into it. He finished about an hour later, glancing at the story again and pushing send. He yawned. He didn't need to check his spelling or punctuation. It didn't matter much, anyways. He sighed again, and laid his head on the counter, not noticing the reviews that popped up on his story. It was too troublesome to read them, he thought. Then, he drifted off to sleep, a peaceful and beautiful respite. Almost like staring at clouds, but not as calming.


	10. A Shika Tale

The dark-haired boy stood on the stairs, watching from the platform as the two combatants entered the arena. One was a pain in the neck, the other…equally so. Both stood, glaring at the other as the referee told them to begin. As one, they jumped, meeting in the center, fists connecting together as they sought for an opening in the other's defenses. The boy scoffed. He already had this match pegged out. The guy on the right would win because, from what he could see from his vantage point, he had an inch and a half on the other guy. Also, he was much faster at his hand signs, almost half a second on each, which added up in the long run. Clearly the victor in this match, and now the boy wouldn't have to watch for the outcome.

"How troublesome," he sighed, walking to his seat and sitting down. A certain yellow-haired menace walked over to him, sitting down and smiling at him.

"What's wrong, Shikamaru? Aren't you going to watch this match?" he said. The other boy turned to stare at Naruto.

"No, I already know who is going to win. It's inevitable, and I don't care about watching the parts in between. That would be troublesome," he said. Naruto looked at him for a second, then walked away and stood at the railing, watching the rest of the fight. Of course, he was quite interested in it, because he was…well, him. Shikamaru groaned, shaking his head and looking up at the ceiling.

"I wish, for once, things didn't have to be so boring," he said.

"Hey, if they're to boring, then why don't you fight me next?" said a very feminine voice to his right. He glanced over at the frizzy, yellow haired girl. He smirked, putting his arms on his legs and staring into space.

"No, I would rather not. I don't fight girls, and you're no exception," he said. She scoffed, and then went to stand near two others standing away from him. Shikamaru just sighed again. Women could be so troublesome.

"You're winner! Shino Aburame has beaten Sasuke Uchiha!" said a voice from the arena. Shikamaru allowed himself a small smile. It had happened just like he had said it would.

"The next fight will take place now! It will be between Shikamaru Nara…and Gaara of the Sand!" yelled the voice. Shikamaru sighed. How troublesome this whole Chunnin exam thing was being. He got up, stretching, as a red-headed boy with rings around his eyes walked by. Shikamaru glanced back at the ceiling before walking down the stairs after him.

"You can do it, Shikamaru!" yelled Naruto, coming to the foot of the stairs. Shikamaru sighed again. Naruto was so obtuse and annoying sometimes.

The two found themselves outside and on the arena grounds as the crowds booed and cheered behind them. Shikamaru glanced at his foe, taking in all he saw. His mind was working even before the announcer could say go. Suddenly, the match started, and the red head stood there. Shikamaru was puzzled, but not overly surprised. The jerk thinks he has it in the bag, he said to himself. He stood, staring back at the boy.

Putting his hands up, the red head sent a shower of sand cascading down, hoping to crush Shikamaru beneath its weight. Shikamaru dodged, and then used the shadow created by the crashing sand to elongate his own. Using the sand had been the worst mistake the red head could have done. He had him, thoroughly trapped in his jutsu. Shikamaru smiled, and then began to walk forward. The other did likewise. They stopped, only a few feet away from the other.

"You tricked me," said the red-head, staring blankly at Shikamaru. He shrugged, putting his hands up. The other boy did the same.

"Sorry, this was the easiest way to beat you. I knew you would use that sand just like you did with Lee. It was the worst thing you could do," Shikamaru said. Gaara huffed. Suddenly, Shikamaru lashed out. Gaara did likewise, and both stopped in front of the other. Shikamaru smiled, taking note of Gaara's reach. Gaara looked annoyed that he was stuck in a jutsu like this. Shikamaru slowly retracted his hands, allowing Gaara to do the same.

"Well, this was fun and all, but I have cloud gazing to do, and this is taking up my time!" Shikamaru said to the other. He reached into his bag, pulling out some kunai. These he tossed in a circle around Gaara. Gaara, who had worn no bag nor needed any kunai, followed Shikamaru's movements in ghost form. Shikamaru, having finished with the kunai, quickly threw two into the air and released the jutsu. As soon as it released him, Gaara flipped backwards, landing and sending his sand pelting towards the other nin. Shikamaru grinned, falling flat and bringing his hands together. Suddenly, the kunai he had thrown exploded, kicking up dirt and dust. Gaara was stuck in the middle, turning around and around to find the other.

"It's over, Gaara," said Shikamaru. Dozens of plans ran through his head, and he already was a few steps in front of the red head. Gaara turned, glancing to the side as Shikamaru came running in. His hand went up, and a cascade of sand arose from the ground, consuming the youth in a living tomb. Shikamaru could only watch helplessly as Gaara put his hand up.

"Sand burial!" The sand crunched inward, and Shikamaru yelled. Then, he exploded, dust and smoke going everywhere. Gaara was taken aback. A shadow clone. Suddenly, three kunai flew in from the right. Gaara's wall of sand flew to his protection, coming to his rescue and blocking the weapons. Then, the world turned loud and destructive!

Shikamaru sat in one of the arena's trees. He smiled, seeing that his plan had worked. The boy stood, sand falling from him as he swayed. Then, he went to his knees, and then to his stomach. He lay there, panting for breath, his sand falling around him and creating small piles. Shikamaru jumped down and began walking forward. The shadow clone had been there to lure most of the sand away. The three kunai he had thrown not a second before the clone disappeared distracted his remaining sand. The two kunai he had thrown in the first place had been attached to small parachutes and were on a time delay fall. These also had exploding notes attached. He had gotten Gaara to stand right where he had wanted him to with his shadow manipulation. Now, as he walked towards him, Gaara looked up.

"But, how…" he began. Shikamaru bent down.

"It was troublesome, but I used your love of sand to defeat you," he said. Gaara sneered, and then lay back, allowing fatigue to overcome him. Shikamaru turned and walked back towards the stadium wall as the announcer indicated him as the winner.

"That was wonderful!" said that feminine voice from before. He turned, and was immediately grabbed and kissed by the girl. She looked him in the eyes.

"I've never seen anyone beat Gaara before. I…was wondering…what you were doing for dinner tonight? How about barbecue on me?" she said. Shikamaru sighed, and then consented. Both of them walked out of the arena, as the Chunin exams no longer really mattered to them.

"By the way, I'm Temari," said the girl. Shikamaru chuckled.

"Well, women are troublesome, but I think I can cope," he said. She grinned, giving him another kiss as they headed towards the shop.

("Shikamaru!" yelled Ino, coming back into the shop. Shikamaru woke up with a start. She walked over to him, placing a hand on his shoulder and shaking him.

"Shikamaru, you lazy bum! Get out of my seat. Asuma just needed us for a small matter, so we're back!" she said. He was still half-asleep, so her annoying words weren't really reaching his ear.

"Shikamaru, how about barbecue? It's two-for-one day at the shop and I'm starving!" said Choji, entering the shop behind Ino. Shikamaru frowned at his friend.

"Choji, you're always hungry," said Shikamaru. Choji smiled, grabbing Shikamaru's arm and walking him out the door.

"Come on, we'll be late. Let's go," he said. Shikamaru sighed, and complied. It would have been to troublesome not to. Ino shook her head, going back behind the counter.

"Wait, what's this?" she said. In his lazy way, Shikamaru had forgotten to close the window with his story. Ino took a glance at it, and huffed.

"Hmm, what's that girl got that I don't? He should have written about me! Oh well, can't say I blame him. After all, it is just a fanfiction," she said. Smiling, she quickly posted her friends entry on the site, and sat back in the chair. She closed her eyes. She was still incredibly bored.)

* * *


	11. A Sasuke Sequel

Sasuke walked into the Uchiha clan manor, carrying a load of groceries in and closing the door. He had time before training today to do something, but he didn't know what exactly.

"I wonder if anyone commented on my story about Itachi," he wondered. Putting away the few things he had bought, he quickly ran to his computer and brought up the fanfictions website. He went to his main page and checked his story. He smiled. He already had six comments since yesterday, which was pretty good in his mind. He chuckled. Apparently, people liked reading about his stupid brother that much, especially if it had him…well, doing bad things. He sighed, relaxing in his chair. He decided to go check the main page to see if anyone had written about him. He went to it, scrolling down the list.

"Wait, what's this?" he said to himself, looking at a page by TsukuyomiKiller (AKA…his brother). Since the following afternoon, he had posted one chapter…and he had forty six reviews on it! Sasuke, his face turning dark and gloomy, just sat in his chair. He opened the story and read the latest chapter, and shook his head grimly as he neared the end.

"That jerk!" He opened the reviews to see who had posted and what they said.

_Great job! I give you five out of five stars! – GeneralPubli.c_

_Oops, secrets out. HAHAHA! Keep up the good work! – SomeGuyInAChair._

_Sasuke and Naruto? Great! Love it! Enjoy it immensely! – PinkFluffyChick._

_They don't really belong together, do they? I mean, they're boys! – NoOneLovesMe._

Sasuke smiled. At least NoOneLovesMe had the right idea. He scrolled down again, and just two reviews underneath it was…

_Just kidding. I think its great they finally got together. They both had wanted it for so long anyways. LOL! Keep up the writing. More! More! – NoOneLovesMe._

"Et tu, LovesMe?" he said sadly to himself. Then, his face etched itself into one of hate and desperation. Bringing up his story again, he reread it. He grinned, having an idea for another chapter. He began to type, almost seeming happy about doing it.

"Sasuke-kun!" yelled a particularly annoying voice from outside. He cringed, then sighed.

"What is it, Sakura?" he yelled back. A pink haired face suddenly appeared in the window.

"Kakashi-sensai wants us to train now!" She quickly dove through the window, rolling on the floor and coming to his side.

"Hey, did you get that e-card I sent you?" she said. Sasuke sighed again.

"I…must have forgotten to check my email. I will later," he said. She sighed, but didn't talk about it anymore. He finished typing his latest chapter and perused it quickly.

"Sasuke, what are you doing?" Sakura asked, staring at the screen.

"Sakura, it's really hard to type when you're staring," he said. She pouted, but turned and walked away a little.

"Anyways, it's time to go. We are supposed to meet sensai and Naruto at the bridge," she replied, huffily. Then, she opened the door and walked out. Sasuke stared at the back of the door for a second, but shook his head and continued proofreading his story. Satisfied with the results, he added it to his storyline. Then, he got up, turned, and left. Knowing how many reviews Itachi had didn't really matter. He smiled. It was turning out to be a good day after all.

* * *


	12. Itachi Gets Exposed

* * *

Itachi stood, staring at all his roommates crowded into the small room of the main Akatsuki building. So far, only Deidara had figured out his secret. The rest were blissfully ignorant of his late night going-ons, and he had effectively wiped Deidara's memories of anything related to him or...he smiled. 

"Itachi-san, please come here, we need to talk to you," said Kisame from the back. Itachi's eyebrow rose, but he complied; wanting to know what needed his attention. He walked into the back room, glancing around. Why had they called him in here? This was the torture room, and usually no one ever came in here…usually.

"NOW!" yelled a voice in the dark. The door slammed shut behind Itachi as he crouched, ready to fight off an ambush. Suddenly, Akatsuki emerged from the dark. Itachi stood, grimacing, as Kisame came forward. He grabbed the Uchiha with his hands, thrusting him into a seat.

"Itachi, this is for your own good," Kisame said, quietly. Itachi thought about struggling, but he relented, sitting quietly in the chair.

"What is the meaning of this?" he asked. The leader of Akatsuki stood forward, head bowed and eyes closed.

"Itachi, we have been having Tobi secretly read your email. In fact, I have him read everyone's email. This is a safety precaution, right Tobi?" he said Tobi stood forward, giving the leader a smart salute.

"Tobi is…a good boy!" he said. The leader sighed, waving him to go back into the shadows, which he did.

"Itachi, we have seen some…disturbing emails of late. Tell me, who is "TheWhiteSnake" that you seem to be sending emails to almost hourly?" he said. Itachi kept his cool, but knew he was caught. A single bead of sweat rolled down his face as he sat, looking indifferent.

"It is a friend of mine keeping me posted on the Kyuubi, nothing more," he said. Kisame shook his head, and Zetsu was disgusted. However, before the leader went on, Deidara stepped forward.

"Leader, I believe what he says, un," he said. Itachi looked at the yellow-haired artist. It was weird that Deidara of all people would help him out at a time like this. He would have smiled if doing so wouldn't have caused him pain.

"Thank you, Deidara," he said, quietly. Deidara grinned at him, turning back to the leader.

"Itachi-san has been quite tense of late, un. Perhaps we should give him a vacation to sort out his life?" he said. The leader looked from one to the other, and then sighed.

"Itachi, I believe that this is the best course of action. However, your internet privileges and email rights are now provoked, so do not attempt to contact this person again. I still feel as if you are…hiding something from the rest of us," he said. Itachi watched blankly as the leader motioned for Kisame to open the door.

"Deidara, since it was your idea, I believe you and Itachi should go on this…"vacation" together. It will be good for you since you lost your teammate," he said. Deidara was ecstatic. Ever since he had been put with that dobe Tobi, he had really wanted a vacation. Now, he had his chance.

"Very well, you are free to leave. You will be gone from Akatsuki for one week to get your life in order, Itachi. After that, you will report back to Akatsuki for a mission. You to, Deidara," he said. Deidara turned, walking out the door and leaving first. Itachi got up, looking around the room before exiting.

* * *

It was the next day when the sun found Deidara and Itachi walking down the path from Akatsuki. 

"Where should we go, Itachi-san?" he said. Itachi looked up at the sky and sighed.

"This is a pointless vacation. I do not need it, and I do not know why you are here with me," he said. Deidara grinned.

"Hey, let's go to that spa down the road, un?" he said. He grabbed Itachi's hand, forcing him to follow the other's footsteps. Soon, they found themselves at the spa. Deidara sunk into the warm water, and Itachi did likewise. Deidara busied himself, splashing around the pool and diving under, coming back up and spitting water like a fountain.

"Ah, this is so relaxing, Itachi-san. Why don't you relax a little more, un?" he said. Itachi just sat, watching. Deidara grinned mischievously, swimming slowly up to Itachi.

"Here, let me help you relax, un?" he said. He began to stroke Itachi's shoulders, massaging them. Itachi, unused to the other ninja touching him, tensed for a few moments, and then decided to enjoy it. He relaxed, looking up into the sky.

"You know, Itachi-kun, you really do owe me for saving your ass back at Akatsuki, un?" Deidara said, beginning to massage down Itachi's back. Itachi winced, but didn't take notice. Deidara smiled as he continued to go lower. "I may not be Orochimaru-sama, nor do I have snake skin oil, but I am…how would you say it? Slippery as a snake, un?" he said. He continued going down the back of the Uchiha, who jerked violently and looked at him.

"What are you saying, Deidara?" he said. Deidara grinned and lay back.

"I'm saying that you could at least be grateful to me, un," he said, smiling at the Uchiha who had color coming to his face.

"But, you…and I…and the leader…" Itachi began, but Deidara quickly grabbed his arm, bringing him in close and kissing him. Itachi fought for a second, but gave up, realizing that Deidara was much sweeter than Orochimaru ever could be. They parted after a second, and Itachi looked into Deidara's eyes.

"You know, Itachi. My hands can do more then just eat clay, un," Deidara said. Itachi had one more moment of indecision before succumbing to Deidara's natural charm…and his magical hands.

* * *

(Sasuke thought back on his story, smiling as he pictured his brother reading it. Hopefully, that freak with the yellow-hair would read it to. He didn't know which one he hated more, his brother, or the freak with the hands. He smiled, barely listening to Kakashi, who was trying to get Naruto's attention. 

"Naruto, you are never going to be a good ninja if you don't settle down and act like one!" Kakashi said. Naruto took a glance from where he was sitting on the ground.

"But Kakashi-sensei, our last missions have been boring! I want a better mission then picking up dog crap in the park or picking some weeds out of a garden!" he said. Sakura huffed, but Sasuke was still to busy going over his story to take notice.

"What do you think about this, Sasuke?" said Kakashi, snapping Sasuke out of his thoughts.

"I think that Naruto is an idiot and needs to take what is given to him," he said, quietly. Sakura quickly agreed while Naruto glared. Kakashi glanced at the boy for a minute before going back Naruto. Sasuke smiled. He was becoming a good writer, he thought. By the time he got home, he would probably have all sorts of hits on his story. He looked up at the sky. Nothing was going to keep him from his revenge…nothing.)

* * *


	13. Reviewers Comment Special

Me: Hey Everyone! It's me! Ok, I thought I would take this opportunity to do something different…I will read your thoughts…comments…your reviews…because I can…and they are great. I love reviews. FLAME ON! Ok, anyways, to get down to business…

Naruto: Hey, what's going on?

Me: Hey Naruto, I was just going to read some reviews and give credit where credit is due. You want to help?

Naruto: DATTEBAYO!

Me: Please don't say that again.

Naruto:…But it's my catch phrase…Believe it!

Me: Umm, ok, go back to Dattebayo. Never say believe it ever again.

Naruto: K…….Dattebayo.

Me: -sigh- Anyways, let's get on with it. My first comment is from BewareDesuKieKan. He says "Write more! And hurry!" Thanks for the comment, Kan. I will write more, because I love to do it, and I gain notoriety and fame for it!

Naruto: DATTEBAYO!

Me: Ok, look, stop saying that. Just…talk normally.

Naruto:….Fine. Ok, the next review is from Tiny Death. He says " XD…That's crazy and dumb…and a really great parody! But, come on, Sakura isn't useless. She had that awesome dramatic scene when Sasuke left." Hmm, what do you have to say to that one, Uzuki?

Me: You're right…it is crazy…AND dumb. But as to the Sakura not being useless part, I have to disagree. I mean, that whole scene with Sasuke drove him away further. He thanked her…for showing him how useless she really was. Thank god for characters that have some usefulness.

Sasuke: Hey guys, what's going on here?

Naruto: Oy, Sasuke, we're reading reviews to the fanfic! Datte…

Me: Shut it!

Naruto: (sticks tongue out).

Sasuke: You guys are lame…can I read one?

Me: I don't see why not. Sure, go ahead. Number three if you wouldn't mind.

Sasuke: Ok, Amathys writes "hahha no wonder u only got one review! you just declaired that ur a homophobic. Seriously why do you even bother to write this it wont make others stop writing what they want. I think its pathetic that u even bother to write this story just because u hate yaoi. By they way most people have figured out that the real Naruto series the one that came out in Japan was based on yaoi edition, however that series will never be aired in the U.S.A. But like I said before even if i write this it wont stop you u from writing this. I'm just trying to make you realise that ur descrminating against others because they are gay and thats just low on ur part. If you check other anime fanfiction you will realise that there are more yaoi writers than in the Naruto one. So please next time you write something like this consider other peoples feelings what if one day your son/daughter turn out to be gay would you descriminate them. I like you also love Naruto and i might get upset that fanfic writers are doing this but there is nothing i can do to stop them and i also wont stoop so low as to make them feel like trash just because there gay."

Me: Ummm…

Naruto: Dattebayo…

Sasuke: Hey, she wrote this after chapter 4? Let me see…reads to himself.

Me: So….?

Sasuke: (Looks disgusted and turns to Uzuki) You're a sick f…

Me: Hey! This is teen here. You can't say that. I am evil though, I will give you that.

Sasuke: Ok, let me make this perfectly clear you guys or girls out there. Me and Naruto have only one thing in common…We want to kill my brother.

Naruto: I don't want to kill him, Sasuke.

Sasuke: Shut up, dobe, and go along with me. Anyways, I don't think that the author is a homophobe. After all, he put this crap into his story, didn't he?

Me: HEY!

Sasuke: Pipe down! Any who, I am certain that other characters in other series wouldn't appreciate it. Inuyasha, I feel for you man. I hope you kill your brother…I sure will!

Me: Ok, that's enough from Sasuke. Naruto, why don't you…

Sakura: Hey guys!

Sasuke: AHHH! Flash back to Chapter 8. Hurry!

Sakura: Sasuke-kun?

Me: Sorry Sakura, this forum is for useful members only.

Sakura: I'm useful!

Me: ….No you aren't. Ok, back to Naruto!

Naruto: Ok, InuSakuShine writes, "Hm. Not bad... This is an awful lot like my fic, the Horrors of Fanfiction ) Where did you get the idea?" Do you want to comment on this one, Uzuki-kun?

Me: Umm, let me just say that I hadn't read it until that review, and I did, and I liked it, so all of my readers should go to InuSakuShine and read the fanfiction there. Umm, other then that…THANKS FOR REVIEWING!

Sasuke: No one ever reviews mine! Damn my brother!

Naruto: Hey, I haven't written one yet. You need to write me writing one soon, Uzuki.

Me:…Maybe. We'll see. Now, take your Ritalin while Sasuke reads another.

Sasuke: Ok, this one is from Just Phan. He writes "DO NOT WANT."

Me:…What does that mean?

Naruto: I think that means that he doesn't want anything more than he has…or something.

Me: Naruto…you're an idiot.

Sasuke: I know!

Me: Yes?

Sasuke: He means he doesn't want you to write about Itachi anymore!

Me….Well, that's too bad for him. And for you….and for Itachi!

Sasuke: Well, what does he mean?

Me: I don't know. Probably that he doesn't want…to have a crappy internet connection anymore. Just Phan, if you sign up today for our monthly plan, you get unlimited internet access at high speeds for only three thousand dollars down and one hundred dollars a day. That's like…ten thousand pennies. You can't afford not to!

Sasuke: You're stupid!

Me: Can it emo boy!

Naruto: While they fight, I will read the next one. It is from shiki1696, and they said "Like the fan-fic, but could you put Naruto and Shikamaru in it? (Make Naruto see the SasuNaru fic and Shikamaru see a ShikaIno fic.) THX!" See, even they want me in it! Dattebayo!

Me: Has that Ritalin taken effect yet?

Sasuke: No, not yet.

Me: Darn. Oh well. Umm, I did add a Shikamaru chapter, but I was thinking about a Temari chapter, and an Ino chapter. Um, maybe even a Choji chapter along with a Kakashi and Guy chapter…or something a long those terms.

Naruto: And I am…?

Me: About to be seriously hurt if you talk without being spoken to again!

Naruto:…..-under his breath- Dattebayo.

Me: Ok, on to the next one…

Sakura: Let me read it!!!!

Me: No!

Sakura: Oh come on! I can prove that I am useful!

Me: Well….fine, just be quick about it.

Sakura: Ok! Now, the moment has come for Suzsan, who says "YOUR STORY IS GREAT!"

Me: Thank you Suzsan! I am glad I could make your life happy!

Sakura: Can I read another one?

Me: No! You probably already have Suzsan mad at me for letting you read that!

Sakura: You're not nice!

Me: Yeah, well…you're useless. Anywho, Naruto, take it away!

Naruto: OK! The next review is from Seiryuu Ryuujin, and they say "This is funny. Update soon!"

Me: I update every day, or I try to anyways, with two chapters. Usually, one is in the morning or early afternoon, and another at night sometime. If you come at night, then you could get two chapters. Morning comers get two chapters to sometimes…but not always.

Naruto: You should still make me write something.

Me: Pipe down, skippy. Ok Sasuke, go ahead!

Sasuke: usakari.pan writes "It's very original. Sugoi! Then a weird smily face thing."

Me: Actually, I thought I was to, but I found like twenty thousand other fanfictions like this. But…you haven't read them yet…so forget I told you anything. Yes, I thought of it myself!

Naruto:…Liar!

Me: You know what they say, Naruto. Silence is golden…but duct tape is silver!

Naruto: You stole that line off of DeviantArt! I saw that!

Me: Yep, and I also stole this duct tape from Lowe's…so shut up!

Naruto:…I'll be quiet, Dattebayo.

Me: Good. Now, the next comment is from FallenRainDrops, and they say, " This is really funny (and sorta weird) fic! I look forward to the reactions!" Thanks, Fallen! I like the reactions to!

Sasuke: It's like I always say, reactions are the heart and soul of life!

Me: Why is that?

Sasuke: Hm? Oh, because the way my brother reacts when I pour hot oil on him is priceless…for me anyways. It feeds my soul!

Me: Sasuke…you have problems. Ok, let's wrap this up with my last review.

Gaara: Hey, I haven't shown up in the fanfiction yet. What the hell is up with that?

Me: Gaara! You're just in time! Read the last review so I can go please.

Gaara: …I will kill you later, but I will do as you say for now. Ok, the last review is from sincerely –your stalker. They write "Ahaha! This is, by far, my favorite chapter. I almost cried when I read this, I was laughing so hard! My sisters were looking at me funny when I fell from my chair laughing. The sad part is, you're right about Sakura being a useless character. She's really annoying."

Me: Gaara, you're reaction?

Gaara:…Hmm, laughter is meaningless. Sisters are pointless, and chairs are useless when I can hover on sand.

Me:…Um, a reaction to the statement in the whole, Gaara.

Gaara: I agree. Sakura is pointless. Now, I have places to go, people to kill, that sort of thing. I will be in an upcoming chapter, correct?

Me: How can I say no when I can't move?

Gaara: Wise decision. Leaves

Naruto: He's scary sometimes.

Me: Sometimes? Man, I'm glad he didn't read the Shikamaru story. He would have killed Sakura for sure!

Sakura: -Is crying- Why would he kill me?

Me:...Why not?

Sakura: -Cries even more-

Sasuke: You see, that's what everyone is talking about, Sakura! When you're not crying, you're fainting. When you're not fainting, you're bitching and complaining.

Sakura: SASUKE-KUN!

Naruto: Don't worry, Sakura! I heard that you're totally hot in Shippuuden! (Did I even spell that right? No? Oh well.)

Sakura: Really? Thanks Naruto.

Naruto: Does that mean you'll go on a date with me?

Sakura: No, but thanks anyways.

Naruto:…Ok, maybe she is useless.

Me: HAhahaha. Well, anyways, thanks all for the comments and such. I look forward to new releases of my story, and I hope you keep reviewing and commenting. I will do one of these every 10 comments or so, so look for a comment special when I have 20 or so reviews.

Naruto: DATTEBAYO!

Me:…Ok, you're going on time out!

Naruto: I don't wanna!

Me: Shut up! I'm the writer, so what I say goes! Any who see you next time on Fanfiction Hell! Peace, yo, I'm out!


	14. Deidara's Hands Type

Deidara walked through the door at Akatsuki, wringing out his cloak and setting it over a chair to dry. Kicking off his shoes, he walked over to the couch, flopping down and relaxing for a moment. Trying to find a Jinchurriki now that Sasori was dead was a lot harder than it seemed.

"Deidara-senpai, I thought we were going for ice cream?" said a voice from behind him. Deidara cringed, putting a hand up to his face and rubbing it.

"Tobi, I told you before, I don't like ice cream. I'm lactose intolerant, un!" He grimaced as Tobi flopped onto the couch, staring at him with his twirly looking face.

"But Deidara-senpai, you said…" he started to say. Deidara stood up, walking away from the annoying brat on the couch as Tobi continued to whine. "But Deidara-senpai, Tobi is a good…" Deidara heard nothing else as his door slammed shut. He slowly sank to the ground, glad that he had installed soundproof doors and walls on his room. He took a few deep breaths before going to his computer and sitting down.

"That kid is a pain in the butt, un," he said quietly to himself, popping up the internet and scrolling around aimlessly. He didn't really intend on trying to locate anything in particular. He just wanted something to distract him from his thoughts…and from Tobi.

He scrolled to the bottom of a website promoting gloves, and winced. His hands didn't breathe in gloves…in fact, they didn't breathe in mittens either. He sighed; looking at his hand as it lay open, smiling lopsidedly at him. He sighed again. Sometimes, he wished his hands didn't have holes or mouths in them. Picking up some clay, he fed his right hand, watching it lick eagerly at the substance before downing the lot. It chewed, slowly, almost thoughtfully, and then spat out a small portion. Deidara closed his fist around it, squeezing and pressing. When he opened his hands, he had a butterfly perched on his pinky, flapping its delicate wings. He sent it flying, and fluttered for a second before becoming stuck in a spider web hanging from a corner of the room. A large, hairy spider ran out, quickly sticking its fangs into the hapless insect. Deidara watched pleasantly as the spider then began to wrap it up and carry it away. He put his hands together, making a single hand sign, and the spider exploded.

"Art really is…a blast, un," he said to himself. Turning back to his computer, he went to his messenger. Noticing that Itachi was on, he pulled up the screen to talk to his fellow Akatsuki member.

"Itachi-san, what is going on, un?" he typed, saying the words out loud to himself. It helped with his writing if he typed and spoke at the same time. After all, an artist had to be multitasking.

It was a while before an answer came back. _I am busy reading fan fictions, Deidara. My foolish little brother wishes to beat me in a battle of wits, and I am thus far winning._ Deidara stared at the message for a second, and then decided to investigate. He went to the website, looking around for a name that Itachi would use. Finding one that looked promising, he went to the page and opened it, scrolling down and silently reading to himself. After he was done, he chuckled.

"Itachi, that is horrible. Your brother is probably having a fit, un?" he said, typing his words. It was a while longer before another message appeared. _He wishes to try his hand at these to. Here is the link to his latest page._ A link popped up, and Deidara clicked it, going to Sasuke's story and scanning the newest chapter. When he was done, he balked. That little basturd! How could he say that! He made a fist, opening and looking at the clay head of Sasuke he had made. The mouth opened, laughing at him. Then, it exploded into millions of fragments. Deidara grinned, and then scowled, returning to the page. He left a review on Sasuke's page before bringing the mouse to the X. But, before he clicked, his mind raced with a brilliant idea.

"If that little know-nothing can write a story, then so can I, un. But, my story will be more fact than fiction!" He quickly brought up a word document, typing. Every once in a while, he looked at the page, and his hands would continue to type, even using the tongues in the mouths to hit the delete key when an error was found. After an hour of strenuous typing, Deidara looked at the page. Satisfied that he had told the true story of his real "love life", Deidara quickly made an account on the site and added his story to it. It popped up under new stories right away, and he sighed.

"Deidara-senpai, what are you doing?" said an extremely annoying voice on his right. He jumped, staring at Tobi who was staring at the computer screen.

"Tobi, how did you get in here, un?" Deidara asked, glancing around. The door was still locked, and the window was closed.

"Deidara-senpai, did you write this? This is good, and Tobi should know, because he is a good boy!" Tobi was still reading his story, having completely dodged the question. Deidara stood in front of the screen, blocking Tobi's view.

"Tobi, get out of my room!" he yelled. Tobi stared at him for a second before shrugging. He went to the door, unlocking it and letting himself out. Deidara was still fuming. At least his story was told, he thought. He walked over to his bed, laying down and closing his eyes. _At least…his story…was told_…He drifted off to sleep as reviews began popping up on his story.

* * *


	15. Deidara: True Story of Fiction

The youth stood behind a fallen tree, listening as the sounds of footsteps faded into the distance. He slowly took a breath, and then another, still ready for any sounds of approaching danger. With his devilish good looks and flashy, wild yellow hair, the boy was a force to be reckoned with. He stood, quickly taking stock of his surroundings and dashing to another tree. He glanced to his left, looking at the ivy strewn brick wall in front of him. Taking a quick breath of air, he leapt, scaling the ten foot wall with ease and landing on his knee on the opposite side.

"This is the place, alright," he said under his breath. He got up, stalking to an overgrown bush, and threw himself flat as two guards making their rounds walked by. He sat as still as possible until their plodding ceased, and then threw himself out, running up the stairs in front of him and diving into a planter before another guard walked around the corner.

"Damn, I'm never going to get anywhere with all these guards around," he thought to himself. Then, he smiled as a plan formed in his head. He dug in his pockets for some clay, allowing his hands to lick up the material. He looked around as his hands chewed the soft clay, slowly and deliberately. Then, he infused it with a little bit of chakra, allowing it to emerge in his open palm. He crushed it, forming it into a small ball. Then, he waited.

"Do you think that the kid will show?" said a voice to the left of him.

"Naw, that little chicken shit won't dare show his face here!" said another on his right. The voice on the left agreed, and began to make the rounds again. The other on the right stood still, probably watching the other making his way around the terrace. As soon as the boy was relatively certain that the man was gone, he sprung out, grabbing the guard closest to him. He struggled for a second and began to cry out before the boy shoved the clay into his mouth. He gagged, and the boy dove away while making a hand sign. Because of the tiny amount of chakra infused into the clay, it didn't destroy him, only blew a decent sized portion of his face off. He smiled as he dragged the guards limp body into the bushes, taking off his clothes and putting on the uniform that the guard had worn.

"Hopefully this works un," he said to himself, coming out of the bushes and straightening the outfit. Another guard came around the corner, and he came to attention, acting as if he were guarding that portion of the terrace. The guard making the round merely nodded on his way, and the youth sighed with relief as he walked away. The boy made his way up to the roof, swinging from the tallest branches and overhangs to reach the balcony on the top floor. He landed, peering around to be sure no one had seen him.

"This is probably it, un." He walked to the terrace door, knocking first.

"Are you there?" he said, quietly. No sound came from the room, and he began to wonder if he had picked the right one. He turned, looking down the building. He scratched his head, wondering which of the myriad doors his love would be behind, when from behind him, the door began to creak open. He immediately went to a crouch, turning and grabbing the weapon he had stolen from the dead man. Instead of an enemy facing him, a woman appeared, peering about. Seeing that face again made his heart melt, and he stood up, releasing the weapon.

"You…you look great!" he said, staring at her admiringly. She looked at him, and a tear ran down her face as she ran out to meet him, throwing her arms about him and hugging him close to her.

"Oh, Deidara-kun! I was so scared. I thought you were going to leave me here!" She began to cry, tears flowing freely down her cheeks.

"I would never leave you here, my love!" He stroked her beautiful brown hair, his hands going down her back and cradling her lovingly to him. She looked up into his eyes, tears still brimming.

"…Deidara-kun!"

"…Shizune-chan," he said, and hugged her close to him again. She stopped crying, allowing his strength to flow into her.

"What the hell is this!" yelled a voice from the room. Deidara gasped, whipping Shizune around behind him and standing in front of her. A wicked looking man walked up, glancing from one to the other.

"Lord, I am taking Shizune away," Deidara said, still standing between the girl and the man trying to keep this from happening. The Lord looked from one to the other, and began to froth.

"Shizune, I give you a home, food, protection, and this is how you repay me? By seeing this…this…I don't even know what THIS is!" He pointed an accusing finger at Deidara. "Boy, you will die for this. GUARDS!" He pulled a sword from his sheath, lunging at the pair as Deidara fainted, drawing him in close. He lunged out, burying the kunai into the man's arm.

"Run, my love!" He grabbed Shizune's arm, propelling her towards the door. As they reached the hall, he grabbed the door and pulled it closed, locking the man in the room. Turning, he heard the sounds of running feet from down the corridor. He raced down the opposite way, dragging the girl behind him. Running down the stairs, he glanced around, and found a room on the left that looked like a good place to hide. He shoved the girl in first, turning to see if they had been spotted and closing the door after.

"We are safe in here, un," he said, turning back to the girl. Shizune ran her hand through her hair, trembling in fear.

"Deidara-kun, I'm scared!" She grabbed him, pulling herself to him and allowing him to hold her. He looked around, hoping for a means of escape as fists began pounding on the door. Eyeing a small window about five feet from the ground, he quickly ran to it, throwing his weight against it. It held, strong and robust. He caught his breath and tried again, hoping against hope that the window would give. It didn't.

"I can't budge it!" he said. Shizune looked at him, fearful. He stared at her, and determination set his face. He turned back to the window, hands in his pockets. In a moment, he had four small clay spiders, each one full of explosive chakra. He grabbed Shizune and dodged behind a crate as the spiders crawled to the corners of the window. He made a hand sign and they exploded, sending shards of glass ricocheting around the small room. Grabbing the girl, he went to the window, helping her out. She climbed, finding herself on the roof four stories high. She gasped at the drop as Deidara came out on the window.

"There they are! Grab 'em!" Four guards suddenly jumped down to their level, advancing with drawn pikes. Shizune cowered behind Deidara, who was thinking to himself, keeping his body in between that of the guards and Shizune.

"So, it has come to this, then," said the Lord of the manor, dropping down to the level. In one hand he held a pike, and the other lay loosely at his side, a large bandage covering the wound Deidara had previously inflicted. Deidara sneered, trying to find a way out. "Give up, boy! There is no escape now!" The Lord quickly made a movement, the guards advancing on the two hapless lovers stuck on a ledge. Deidara made another quick assessment before giving a large sigh.

"Ok! I give up!" He put his hands up as the guards stopped, menacing him. The Lord laughed raucously.

"Finally! You have learned something at least. Guards, arrest him!" The guards began to advance again. No one had noticed that Deidara had closed his left hand and was busy molding something. Only a few feet away, the guards lowered their weapons, the foremost reaching out to take the kid into custody. Deidara sneered once again, dropping the item in his left hand. A large bird formed, flapping its wings as the guards shrank back, unsure of what to do. Deidara turned, grabbing Shizune's hand.

"What are you doing?" she cried as he wrenched her onto the bird.

"It's only big enough for one! Go!" He sent the bird off, watching her as she began her ascent into the sky. She had just one more look at him before the clouds obscured her vision and muffled her last cries. He stared up into the sky, a small tear coursing down his cheek. A hand suddenly grabbed him, bringing him in close to a snarling face.

"You pathetic piece of trash! How dare you! I'll show you how I deal with upstarts like you!" The Lord let him drop to the roof, kicking him savagely and sending him flying into the wall. He hit, coughing. The guards closed in, and hands and feet pummeled him from all directions.

"You never stood a chance you idiot. Didn't you realize that? Well, you can always pay for your mistakes…with blood!" The Lord came over, punching the youth in the jaw and following it up with another savage kick. Deidara doubled over, coughing up blood. The Lord grabbed him, raising him up.

"Now, as you die, I want to hear your final words. What is it that the great and powerful Deidara has to say before he is thrown from the roof?" the Lord said, mocking the yellow-haired boy. Deidara smirked, raising his head to meet the Lord dead on. It was only then that the Lord noticed that the boy had something in his mouth. He swallowed it, laughing a little.

"My last words…art is…a blast!" His body convulsed, puffing up. The Lord let him drop to the roof as he began to expand, building and building.

Shizune stood on the clay bird, watching from a few feet above the tree tops. Suddenly, the entire palace exploded, sending a shock wave of dirt and wind whipping into her hair and face. She twisted her head, avoiding the debris as it rained down on her. She turned back, watching as pieces of what used to be her captors pride and joy fell around him. Tears fell freely from her face as she wilted, dropping to her knees. The bird began to break apart, and she flung herself off, grabbing onto a low lying tree limb as the clay from the bird dried and cracked, turning to a powdery dust. She hung, sniffing.

"Deidara-kun…" She dropped to the path, standing there for a second before turning down the road. _Deidara-kun did this for me! He wanted me to be free! So I will honor him by doing that. I will help people from now on. That will be my way!_ She knew that it would take some time, but one day, she would be a great warrior, living up to Deidara's expectations.

* * *

(Deidara slept, dreamily thinking back on that fateful day, long ago. It seemed so far away, now. So far…

"Deidara-senpai! Time to wake up! Leader has a mission for us! Tobi wishes you to arise! Come Deidara-senpai!" said an extremely annoying voice. His eye opened, and he got up, pushing Tobi off.

"Tobi! I told you to stay out of my room, un!" Deidara was livid. He ranted, raved, and chased Tobi out of his room, slamming the door.

"But Deidara-senpai, Tobi is a good boy. Besides, Tobi has proofread your story. You will find it is much better now!" said a voice from behind him. He turned, staring as Tobi walked to his computer.

"Errrr, Tobi!" Deidara grabbed the boy bodily, picking him up. Opening his door, he walked him out of the room.

Deidara had no idea that his story had become popular. Perhaps he should have read his reviews, or perhaps they didn't really matter.

_This story is very good. It reminds me of a time when a boy saved me. I have fulfilled his wishes and become something with myself. I only hope…that he is able to so the same._

_-Fateful Mistress of Medicine_

"Shizune, please get away from my computer! I need it to fill out some reports!" said Tsunade, walking back into her office with a handful of papers. Shizune got up from the chair, bowing to her master before taking her place at Tsunade's side. Tsunade didn't see the site she had been on, or the review given. Shizune sighed, staring out the window.

_Perhaps…one day…)_


	16. Kiba Talks, Shino Writes

"Slow down, Akamaru!" yelled Kiba, trying to calm his dogs' energy. The white pup was busy bounding in the tall grass, nipping at butterflies that flew up and out. Kiba sighed, then joined the dog in a romp, leaping up and allowing Akamaru to jump from his back to gain more air.

When his energy had finally diminished, Kiba threw the dog into his hoody, letting him use his head as a resting place. He smiled up at the dog, who smiled back, its tongue hanging limply from its mouth.

"Well, Akamaru. That was fun, but it's time to go find Shino!" Together, they crossed the field, walking through the woods to find the insect expert. They finally found him, hunched over a line of ants, studying them as they went about the general tasks for the day.

"Shino! Hey, what's going…" Kiba was interrupted by a warning hand, Shino stopping the conversation to focus on the insects below him.

"…Kiba, please do not talk. Silence allows them to work without any distraction," Shino said in his monotone voice. Kiba sighed, balking.

"Seriously, Shino. I don't know what you see in creepy-crawlies," he said, almost to himself. Looking in front of him, he was suddenly faced with his friend, who was staring at him through deep black sun blocker glasses.

"Kiba, if you do not understand the insect world, then do not make assumptions or call them 'creepy crawlies'." Shino turned, beginning to walk from the forest and leaving a bewildered Kiba and Akamaru behind.

Once they got home, Kiba and Akamaru went to Kiba's room, opening the door and going in. Akamaru leapt from Kiba's head, landing on the bed and looking up at his master. Kiba flopped on the bed, throwing his coat on the ground and resting. Akamaru licked a bead of perspiration off Kiba's forehead before curling up under his arm. Kiba gave the pup a rub on the head before getting up. He yawned, blinking at the mess in the room. It had been ages since he cleaned up…maybe he should do it now? He thought about it, and bent for his coat. Hanging it in the closet, he looked around again. Hm…maybe tomorrow, he thought to himself. He flopped down in the chair at his computer, scrolling through some random sites before going to a pet store site.

"Hey Akamaru! They got bones on special!" Akamaru's ears immediately popped up, and he looked at Kiba, his tongue rolling out and making him grin. Kiba grinned back, ordering some for the dog…and some for himself. After that was done, he began surfing again, checking out whatever took his fancy. Suddenly, a small window appeared on the bottom of his screen. He looked, a grin appearing on his face.

"Hey! My favorite author just wrote a new fan fiction!" He turned to Akamaru, who yipped at him. He smiled and went to the site, pulling up the story and reading it. He grinned. The guy who wrote the fictions was his favorite…because he wrote mostly about him! Kiba, who wasn't that good at writing, sighed. I wish I could write as well as some of the people on here, he thought listlessly.

"Kiba, honey! You have a visitor!" His mother was yelling at him from downstairs. He shouted at her to let whoever it was up, and went on reading.

"Kiba, you forgot this in the forest. Please do not drop things there, as it disturbs insect activity," said a monotone behind him. Kiba rolled his eyes before turning to face his teammate.

"Shino, sorry, I must have dropped it when I was playing with Akamaru," he said, taking the wallet from Shino. Shino stared at him, and then looked at his computer.

"Fan fictions? Hm, you waste your time reading those. You would be better off practicing your jutsus…or training," he said. Kiba scoffed, turning back to the computer.

"Yea, I know. But I just can't help but read these things! They are so funny sometimes…and cool!" Kiba sighed again. He really, really wished he knew how to write these things.

"Kiba, have you written any yet?" Shino asked. Kiba turned around again, shaking his head gloomily.

"No, I can't really type…plus, I can't concentrate on typing when I am thinking about a story," he said. Shino stared a second longer.

"Please, get up. Allow me to type and you can tell me what you want it to say," Shino said. Kiba grinned, getting up off the computer. Shino sat down, putting his hands on the keys. Millions of insects crawled from his jacket, covering the keyboard.

"Hey! My computer!" Kiba growled, but Shino was quick to allay his fears.

"My insects will be able to type much faster than us. It is like having millions of fingers instead of just ten," he said. He worked the mouse, bringing up a word document. Then, he turned to Kiba, staring at him.

"Now, what is it you want it to say?" he said. Kiba scratched his head, sitting down on the bed.

"I don't know. I guess…it can be a fake. After all, it is a fan fiction, right?" He stared at the wall, and then the ceiling, lying down next to Akamaru. "Hmm…ALRIGHT! I got it!" He snapped his fingers, coming back up.

"Yes?" Shino said, turning back to the computer.

"It's going to be all science fictiony, I think," Kiba said. He began pacing the room, narrating his story as Shino kept watch on the screen, his insects making myriad movements on the keyboard. After an hour and a half, Kiba's story was finished. He came to look at the screen, and Shino was busily reading the ending to himself.

"Very well…if this is how you want it, than it shall be so," said Shino. Kiba glanced at him.

"Do you want to be in it?" Kiba asked. Shino turned his head to look at Kiba.

"No, I would rather not. I find that this is a waste of time. However, it pleases me to help out a teammate. This will help to keep you focused on missions and battles. Now, I am leaving. I assume you to be at practice tomorrow morning. Do not be late, and do not let this interfere," he said. Shino stood, his insects flowing back to him. After the last had attached, he left, walking out the door and down the stairs. Kiba took one last look at the fiction before he added it to a profile on the website. Satisfied, he sighed, and Akamaru barked at him. He patted the dog's head, looking down with a grin.

"I am a pretty good writer, huh Akamaru?" he said. Akamaru, his eyes half shut, merely barked in return.


	17. Detective Kiba, PI

It was a dark, stormy night. The wind howled, and a newspaper flew across the empty street. It was a night that felt like anything could happen. Anything at all. That's what I was saying. Anything could happen on a night like this.

"Damn! I wish something would happen!" I yelled, kicking my stool. My dog, Akamaru, looked at me. He sighed, and then lay back down. I sat in my chair in a huff, waiting for the phone to ring or something to happen. Suddenly, the phone rang. Yes, I thought to myself, it's a client in need of help. I picked up the phone.

"This is the Inuzuka detective agency, Kiba talking. What's the problem?" There was no response for a time, but suddenly, a very excited, scared voice came on the phone.

"Hello? Yes, I need help. Someone is after me, and…wait, he's at the door. Go away!" I heard the phone hit something, and a crash. Then, I heard running, heavy breathing, yelling. I waited with bated breath, hoping that the woman talking to me would get away. I heard a door slam, and something pounding against it.

"Ma'am, are you ok?" I asked. No answer. I became worried, so I clicked my other line. "Ino, trace this call," I told my secretary. There was a pause, and then…

"Yes sir, Mr. Inuzuka sir. Right away." My secretary, I love her, but she is slow. I turned back to the other line.

"Are you there? Hello? Oh god, someone help me!" The woman was frantic, and I could still hear banging.

"Yes, I'm here. I'm tracing this call, and I will be there soon," I told her. She didn't sound like she was listening, but I hoped my voice gave her courage.

"Yes, I understand. I am Hinata Hyuuga, and I live at…" Suddenly, the phone went dead. Damn, I thought. I switched lines again.

"Ino, did you get the trace?" No answer, and then…

"Yes sir, Mr. Inuzuka. It's coming from a place a few streets over," she said. I grabbed my hat, slamming the phone down.

"Come on, Akamaru. We got work to do." My loyal dog jumped up, following me outside. At the street, I whistled for a taxi. One stopped, and I hopped in.

"Go to this address, and step on it!" He nodded, and we sped into the night. I could only hope that the woman, this Hinata person, had somehow kept her attacker at bay long enough for me to get there.

"Here we are, sonny. That'll be seven-fifty," the cabby said. I threw some money at him before bolting from the cab. Getting to the front door, I noticed it was open. I watched, listening for sounds. Nothing came to my ears.

"Akamaru, sniff around for a second," I told my dog. Akamaru walked in, sniffing. He yipped quietly, and I nodded. Walking in, I took stock of the situation. Chairs knocked down, a table upset, most of the furniture was moved it looked like. I saw traces of a struggle, and ran upstairs. I knew I was to late when I called for the girl, but no answer came.

"Damn!" I didn't know what else to do, so I went back to the bottom to search around. I looked at every possible clue, but I couldn't find anything. Suddenly, Akamaru barked. I turned around, going into the kitchen. I saw a kettle of hot water sitting on the stove, and it was boiling. I also saw a package of noodles along with chopped vegetables and chicken sitting there as well. She had been in the process of making dinner when the man broke in.

"Damn shame," I said to myself. Akamaru sniffed, and then barked at me. I went to one knee, looking underneath an overhanging cupboard. I saw a kunai lying on the ground, but it looked brand new. I picked it up gingerly, giving it a good sniff. I detected the odor of a man, short, with the scent of…I couldn't tell, but I knew that it was a clue. I patted Akamaru's head, and got up, looking around again.

"I can't find anything else in here," I said to myself. Akamaru barked again, and I looked down. It looked like he had a scent. I clicked my fingers together. I had completely forgotten that I had Akamaru trained as a scent dog. "Ok, boy, find him!"

My dog led me outside and down the street. He was running with me right behind. We stopped a ways off, in front of an old, run down…ramen shop? What were we doing there? Surely the assailant wouldn't go here. I shrugged, following my dog's superior nose. I opened a door carefully, and listened. I heard nothing, so I walked in, Akamaru following.

"What do we have here?" The place was a dump, clothes and boxes of ramen littering the floor. I sniffed and immediately held my nose. Someone had just passed gas, and it smelled horribly. I shook off the immediate effects of the gas, and walked into the room. Akamaru gingerly walked around the clothes and piles of debris.

"…Well my dear, I guess now you will have to make my ramen for me, eh? HAHAHAHA!" I heard a voice coming from down below, so I slowed, walking gingerly to the stairs.

"No! I told you before, and I'll tell you again! I won't make your ramen for you, you evil fiend!" I heard the voice from the telephone. She sounded lovelier in person. I continued down the stairs, and came to an open door where a light was shining through. I peeked around it, and saw a lovely woman tied to a seat. A man, dressed in a horrible orange suit was standing in front of her. He turned, glaring at her.

"Nonsense, you will make my ramen! You have the tastiest ramen around, and I am tired of buying the crap in packages. I hate the three minutes it takes to make it, so you will make it from now on. HAHAHA!" He laughed, cackling. I could see Ms. Hinata crying, her large, opalescent eyes watering. I jumped into the room, pointing a finger at the man.

"Let her go!" The man turned, and I sneered. "Ah, so it is you, Baron Uzumaki…or should I say, Naruto the zero!" The man balked, staring back at me.

"Ah, so, you wish to foil me again, eh Inuzuka. Very well. Let's see how you deal with this!" He charged me, grabbing a large bat on his way. I hunched down, grabbing the bat as it swung at my head. He punched, catching me in the gut and knocking the wind from me. A foot caught me in the face, and I flew backwards. He laughed, stalking forward. Akamaru jumped from the shadows, biting him on the arm. He screamed, shaking his appendage in an effort to rid himself of my dog. That gave me time to get up and regain my composure.

Akamaru went flying as he gave one last violent shake. He smirked…until my hand rested on his shoulder. He turned back to me, fear in his eyes.

"Baron, you have always been a tough opponent, but you've always had a jaw made of glass," I said, throwing my fist as hard as I could into his face. He went backwards, down for the count. I smiled, breathing heavily. Ms. Hinata stared at me, and she smiled.

"Thank you, Mr. Inuzuka," she said. I went to her, cutting her bonds with the kunai Baron Uzumaki must have dropped, and picked her out of her chair by her arm. I held her, staring into her beautiful, pearl colored eyes.

"Call me…Kiba," I said. She smiled again, and leaned in, as did I. We kissed, slowly, Akamaru giving a bark and staring at us. I picked the girl up, carrying her out of the dungeon and back to her house. It had been a long night, but I had saved the day, thanks to ingenuity, cunning…and a dog named Akamaru.

(Kiba smiled, going back over his story for the fourth time. "See, Hinata is mine in this one…Naruto can have her in real life. Though, I don't see what she sees in him." He looked at Akamaru, who barked. He smiled again, clicking his computer off and lying down on the bed, holding the dog in his arms. Akamaru licked his face, and he laughed. He was, indeed, a good writer.)

* * *

Ok, so, Kiba said a line from Fairly Odd Parents, with the whole jaw glass thing. But, I love that line. It works, so bear with me. So, here is the next chappie. I hope yall enjoy it. Sorry for the update taking so long. I have another story I am working on with Deidara, so you will have to be patient, aight? Ok then. Review if you want...but I will know if you look at this, so there!


	18. Naruto's Tale: Mispelled

"Damn, I'm hungry!" Naruto busied himself in his kitchen, pulling down empty boxes of ramen and miso noodles, grimacing at each one.

"Empty…empty…empty! Are they all empty!?" He sat down on the ground, pouting. "I'm going to starve to death here, damn it!" Suddenly, he brightened. "Hehe, Sasuke always has food at his house…I bet I could borrow some," he said to himself. He got up, grabbing his coat and running out the door and towards the Uchiha Family Mansion. Of course, his borrowing food meant never returning it…or even telling the Uchiha that he had taken it. He had already done it many times…it wasn't like Sasuke ever found out about it. Besides, what was one or two…hundred…boxes of ramen between friends.

It was about ten minutes before Naruto found himself in front of the house. He stared at it. It always seemed foreboding and miserable. He shrugged off the feeling, creeping into the fence and going around back. Since the house was huge, he knew that Sasuke couldn't keep a tight lookout on all the windows or doors. When he made it to the backside of the house, he peered up at the open window, the curtain fluttering lightly in the breeze. He smiled, walking up the wall. Gaining the window, he slipped inside, crouching on the ground.

"Ok, now. I take the ramen and get the hell out of this place! Sounds about right," he said. He crept to the door, taking a peek into the hallway. No one seemed to be there, so he walked out, running as fast as he could to the kitchen. Making it there, he smiled. The cabinets were there, probably full of delicious ramen. He began walking to them when he saw a note on the table. Inquisitive, he picked it up, reading it.

_Dear dobe. I know you steal my food when I'm gone. However, the ramen has been sitting in those cabinets for years, because I don't eat the stuff. Take it if you want. However, touch anything in the fridge, and you're a dead man. I'll totally tell Hinata you have a crush on her, and then I'll tell Neji that, and I'll laugh when they both find you…so there! Yours truly, the coolest person around, Sasuke._

_P.S. Your so stupid._

Naruto grimaced. So, he knew all along…and the ramen was old. It explained why the noodles always tasted weird. He gulped, and his stomach rumbled.

"I'll still eat it, but knowing that makes it seem less appetizing now, in some ways," he said. He went to the cupboard, opening it and grabbing one of the boxes of ramen. Pouring some water into it, he threw it into the microwave, punching in three minutes and hitting start. He stood around, waiting.

"God, I hate this wait! I'm hungry now!" He glanced at the clock, tapping his foot with frustration. The microwave dinged, and he grabbed the ramen, forcing himself to stand the heat that it radiated. He slid it gingerly on the kitchen table, grabbing a fork from a nearby drawer. Then, he sat down, taking a sniff.

"Itadkimasu!" He yelled the word, and then went to work on the ramen with a flourish. It was gone in less time than it took to cook it. Satisfied, he threw the cardboard container away, belching.

"Well, he may be a jerk…but he has good food," he said to himself. He walked out of the kitchen. He figured he would just use the front door. That seemed more logical. Then, he noticed the computer. He smiled, walking over to it.

"Let's just see what kind of sites little Sasuke has been on, shall we?" He began bringing up Sasuke's pages, one by one. "Eh? What's this? Fanfiction? What the hell?" He read to himself, reading down the page. "So, this is what Sasuke writes, huh? Weird!" He noticed another one down on the bottom right of the screen, so he clicked it. It brought up Itachi's page, and he read that from the top to bottom…his jaw dropping with each sentence.

"What the hell kind of sicko would post this? I could write way better then this! Believe it!" He got up, turning to walk out the door and go back home, when he stopped. That wasn't such a bad idea, he thought to himself. He turned back, sitting down in the chair. He hoped Sasuke would be gone for a while…it would take forever to type. He wasn't one who was big on the whole computers thing. He began typing his story, henpecking it most of the way.

"Ok, a t, then an a, and a r, and a…um…space…and another a…and a c…no wait, a d…wait…arg!" He didn't really know how to spell that well, either. "Screw it! I don't care anymore!" He began typing as fast as he could, which still wasn't that fast. After three hours of intense typing, he stopped, perusing his work. He smiled. That would show whoever it was something that he didn't know about…believe it! He went to Sasuke's home page. He didn't have an account…but figured that since Sasuke's was still open, he would just use his.

"Ok, add it as a document…blah blah blah…put it in a story format…a story…hmmm, a name…what to call it…" he said. He thought, long and hard, about a good, catchy name.

"I know. Superhero Naruto! That fits the bill perfectly…believe it!" He typed in the name, added the document to Sasuke's profile, and smiled to himself. Then, he got up, walking out of the house and back home. He was happy. His story wasn't that popular, mostly due to the spelling errors and grammar…but he was happy, nonetheless. It didn't help that it was on Sasuke's profile either.

Sasuke finally arrived home, walking in the door and slamming it shut. He had avoided Sakura all day, mostly to keep to himself. He walked to the computer, eyebrow raising as he noticed it was on his page.

"Funny, I don't remember putting it on mine," he said to himself. Then, he noticed Naruto's story. He shook his head.

"So, that dobe was here. Oh well, might as well read it. I could use a laugh right now," he said. He pulled up a preview of it, perusing the work. It took nearly two hours for him to decipher the mess, and still…he wasn't sure exactly what he was reading.

* * *

Me: There, I put you in a damn chapter. Are you happy now?

Naruto: But...I can type and spell. That wasn't very nice, dattebayo!

Me: Hmm, interesting. Spell dattebayo!

Naruto: Ummm...D...A...T...E...B...C?

Me: And that is why you're more of the comic relief of the show.

Naruto: No way! I'm the main character!

Me: (grumbles) It should be called Hinata, not Naruto...she would be way better.

Naruto: You're just jealous, dattebayo!

Me: ...Not really. Ok reviewers, sorry this was so long in the making, but Deidara's story is really coming along. Oh, check out my Naruto Star Wars theme to. Leave me a review there saying if you like it or not. K, thanks.

Naruto: Let the force be with you...

Me:...Ok, say it...

Naruto: DATTEBAYO!


	19. Reviewers Comment Special II

Me: Ok guys! I thought I would take this opportunity for another of my…duh duh duh duh!!!! REVIEWER COMMENT SPECIALS!!!!

Naruto: No! Not again! You have to type my story first, damn it!

Me: Whatever, I'll type it when I'm good and ready. Ok, first up, let's…

Sakura: Hey guys. What's up?

Me: Sakura-chan!

Sakura:….What'd you call me?

Me:…..Oh god….the useless is getting to me…Naruto, quick…say something…anything!

Naruto:….Da..

Me: NO! Save me from the stupid!

Sasuke: Sorry, no chance of that.

Me: Sasuke! Someone who is rational…finally!

Sasuke:…You're annoying me…

Me: I don't even know why I bother putting you three in my stories…

Naruto: Because I'm the main character, dattebayo.

Me: Shut up.

Hinata: Hey…umm…what's going on in here?

Me: Oh thank god! Hinata, I'm so glad you came! I'm soooooo happy…(breaks down crying)

Hinata: Ummm….Uzuki-kun….ummm

Me: (Still crying)

Naruto: Hey…ummm…are we going to have some comments, or what? I'm getting bored…Believe it!

Me: My life is a lie! But ok, I suppose we should get down to it. Thanks for coming, Hinata…to tell the truth, you're the only sane one here.

Hinata: Thank you, Uzuki-kun. Ummm…hi Naruto.

Naruto: Hi Hinata!

Me: No! You don't get to talk to Hinata! Ever! Just talking to her breaks her out in hives! Don't do it!

Naruto: But I…

Me: Ok! My first comment is from FoCuSyOuRmInD, who says "yeh this is good! I like deiara's story cuz its better than most of the others!! –Lain person…yeh." Thank you! I'm glad. Actually, I have Deidara's story up and running right now! Check it out if you like! I'm sure you will like it! 9 out of 10 critics agree, you ain't cool…unless…you check out that story!

Hinata: Ummm….Uzuki-kun….that's pretty shameless…ummmm…

Me: I know…but I'm the greatest writer in the world…soo…

Naruto: No way! I am! Believe it!

Me: Ok, what's the deal with going from American to Japanese? Stick with one or the other!

Naruto:….Dattebayo.

Me: Wait…just shut up!

Deidara: Hey guys…you want to see my art?

Me: Oh my god! It's Deidara!

Deidara: Ummm….yep, it's me, un!

Naruto: You basturd!!!!

Me: (Hits Naruto over the head) Shut it, dobe!

Naruto: But, he killed…

Me: (Hits him again) Hey, don't say anything else. If the people haven't gotten that far in the manga, I don't want to spoil it for them….idiot!

Deidara: Besides, he totally deserved it, un!

Me: Can I have an autograph?

Deidara: Sure, un! Who to?

Me: Uzuki-kun!

Deidara: Sure! Ok, U…Z….U…(The pen blows up)….Oops, sorry about that, un!

Me: (Squeals) That's soooooo cool! I want to do that!

Deidara: To bad! Ok, so, what are we doing here, un?

Hinata: We're reading some comments that people left on Fanfiction Hell, Deidara-kun.

Deidara: Really…may I….read one, un?

Me: Yes…Yes….Oh god yes!

Deidara: Great, un! Ok, this one is from CraZy Blue MonKey. She says "Muhahaahaha I love this story it is so funny. It would be funny to have Jiraiya write a story."

Me: I thought about that. It would be fun to have Jiraiya write one. Right now, I heard he's working on Icha Icha Paradise, the book on tape…probably so Naruto can understand it better…

Naruto: Naw…those books are way to boring…Dattebayo.

Me: Yea…but I have a copy in reserve. Ha! Ok, so…Hinata, please read one will you?

Hinata: Ummm…alright Uzuki-kun. The next comment is from Nibi no NEKO. They write "It's a good plot but, Sakura isn't useless. If she hadn't been important Kankuro would be dead by poison. And Chiyo would have been killed by Sasori thus, Gaara would be dead. She was weak in the beginning but Sasuke leaving made her strong. Go watch Shippuden if you want proof."

Me: Oh yeah! Well, I can give you three perfectly good reasons why she is useless!

Sakura: You're not being very nice!

Me: Can it, forehead!

Sakura: (Begins to cry)

Me: Reason number 1…look at her. She does this constantly. Reason number 2…Sasuke?

Sasuke: To put it in layman's terms…she's annoying.

Me: Yeah, but you two will end up together…I can feel it! EEK!

Sasuke: Shut up, dobe!

Me: Nope, I can feel it in my bones!

Hinata: Uzuki-kun….who….ummm…who do you think will end up with me?

Me: (Looks at Naruto)….ummmm, well enough for this comment, how about another one. Sasuke, take it away!

Sasuke: (Sigh) Fine! Alicia's Purple Velvet Purse says "Kiba you stinking stinkhead, you stink! Ok I admit it, I'm an Extremely Incredibly Amazingly Unwavering Devoted Hardline NaruHina shipper! Anyways, keep up the good work Uzuki-kun! This is funny! Alicia-chan."

Me: Thank you, Mrs. Purse…erm…Alicia-chan. I'm glad I could brighten your day! And about Kiba…he was busy today, so he couldn't be here.

Hinata: Poor Kiba-kun.

Me: I know, but it's rabies…so whatcha gonna do? Oh well. Ok, on to the next one. Please read on, Deidara!

Naruto: No! I'm the main character, so I need to read the next one!

Me: ERG! Fine, just read it and shut up!

Deidara:….Don't go to bed easily tonight, Jinchurikki, un!

Naruto: I can take you! Anyways, the next one is from Sasuke's Banshee. They write "Tee hee I like it, I like it! But why did you make fun of Deidara, he's my favorite Akatsuki! Guess what! Toast can fly out of the toaster! Please update soon!"

Me: Yea, I know about the whole toast thing. Actually, it wouldn't surprise you, Banshee, that Deidara is the third most liked character…of the Naruto series! Amazing, huh?

Deidara: I am, un?

Me: Yep…in fact, you rank way above Naruto! Above everyone here, really! I think only Gaara and Itachi are ahead of you…but don't quote me.

Deidara: I…(sniff) I feel so loved, un! I love you Sasuke's Banshee!

Me: Ha ha! They love you to…apparently. Ok, now! Next one is yours, Dei!

Deidara: Great, un! Ok, Last.Alchemist.Standing says "You're a guy!? No offense, it's just that I don't see many guys on fanfiction. The story's hilarious by the way. I lurve it! And the DeidaraXShizune thing is so sweet (even though I'm not a big fan of mushyness-ess things) Good job and keep the laughs coming! L.A.S (Sakura blows up and dies, haha!)

Me: See, everyone likes you, Deidara…you're fantastic.

Deidara: I know, you don't have to tell me twice…but do it anyways. I like to hear it, un!

Me: Maybe later. And yep, I am a guy! Ha! One really, bored, imaginative guy. Oh well, what can you do, huh?

Deidara: You sound like me, un!

Me: Yep…without the holey hands thing. Ok, Sakura…

Sakura: Yes? Do I get to read one?

Me: NOPE! You get to sit there…and act like you always do!

Sakura: But…I feel so useless in this!

Me: Like I said…act like you always do. Ok, take her away, Hinata!

Hinata: Alright, Uzuki-kun. The next one is jjayno1, who says "WTF? LOL what does dattebayo mean and why the hell does Naruto keep saying it? I thought the A/N part was funny at the end HA Naruto can't spell! LOL story's jokz"

Me: Thanks. And actually, I don't know what dattebayo means. I'm sure it's just like believe it, a useless catch phrase that no one likes.

Naruto: Hey! I like my phrases, dattebayo!

Me: Yea, but you still can't spell!

Naruto: I don't have to…I'm a ninja!

Me: (sniff) That's cold. Sasuke, take the next one.

Sasuke: The next comment is from Sasuke's Banshee…again. They write…again "hee hee hee. I like it it's soo funny! Please update!"

Me: They like me! Oh, hey Itachi!

Sasuke: Where!?

Me: Oh, sorry. It's my weasel. Say hello, Itachi!

Itachi (My weasel): Hello everyone!

Sasuke: It can talk!

Deidara: It's so cute, un!

Me: Yep! Ok, what's going on, Itachi?

Itachi (My weasel): Not much! I'm going to go kill and eat my brother now!

Me: Sounds fun! Bye!

Sasuke: No! I have to stop him!

Me: Sit down. His brother is emo anyways. Always talking about revenge and his family and whatever. Oh well. Ok, go on and read one…me. HA! Iruletheworld0 says "Wow, suddenly Neji is my favorite character ever. Well, not favorite but in my top 5. :D."

Hinata: Cousin Neji-kun is a good person inside, really…

Sakura: I hate that basturd!

Me: Oh, I have a pool game with him later on tonight. Naruto, Sasuke, Deidara, you guys in?

Deidara: Count me in, un!

Naruto: Sure, dattebayo!

Sasuke: I'd…rather not.

Sakura: Great, you can hang out with me, Sasuke-kun!

Sasuke:….On second thought….I'm in.

Me: Great!

Sakura: What about me?

Me: Ok, next one! Finish us off, my favorite person ever!

Naruto: Ok! The next one…

Me: Not you dobe. Hinata, if you will…

Hinata: (blushes) Thanks, Uzuki-kun! The next one is from iruletheworld0 again, and they say "Lol the part with the melons was really funny."

Me: Hehe, melons. Tasty and sweet…but oh so irresistible.

Naruto: Yea, I like watermelons to!

Me: Good for you! Ok, that's all there is. Give me more reviews…if you dare!

Naruto: Review and we will do this thing again at 30…cause we can…and it's not illegal, dattebayo!

Me: Sasuke, hold him down. I got the pill!

Naruto: Hey, wha!

Deidara: I got his left arm!

Naruto: Guys, what are you…

Sasuke: Hurry up!

Me: Just swallow it, Naruto! It will go easier on you! Until next time fans, this is Uzuki-kun and company, signing off!

Naruto: Hey….wait….tired….datt….


	20. Superhero Naruto

It wasn't until Naruto had awoken the next day that he knew something was amiss. He got up, as usual. He brushed his teeth, as usual. He ate his ramen, as usual. Everything seemed normal...but something didn't feel right. Something deep down. Something...abnormal. He checked himself in the mirror. He looked fine. He felt fine. But something was still amiss.

"Oh well. It's probably nothing!" He smiled at himself, flexing his arms and looking at his physique. "Hehehe...I look good!" Turning, he grabbed a box of ramen for later, stuffing it into his bag, along with his huge frog purse full of money and all the love notes from Sakura. Who, speak of the very person, was at his door as he opened it, her face already full of adoration and compassion.

"Oh, Naruto-kun! I love you so much! Go on a date with me! I'll buy all the ramen!" Naruto grinned. The girl couldn't get enough of him.

"Sure, Sakura-chan! Why not!" They began walking down the street, Sakura hanging onto every word he said. "The sky is blue, Sakura-chan!"

"It sure is, Naruto-kun!"

"I like the color of the streets..."

"So do I...if you do, Naruto-kun!"

"Hey Sakura-chan...call me Naruto-kun again."

"Ok, Naruto-kun!" Naruto felt wonderful, nothing could be amiss. His feelings that morning had already left him. However, he didn't feel good for long. An explosion from the other side of the city...um, exploded! Naruto turned, feeling the urgency of the situation immediately as Sakura wailed.

"OH NO! SAVE ME NARUTO-KUN!" Naruto smiled, picking his woman up and setting her to the side.

"Don't worry, Sakura-chan! I'll be right back for that ramen, alright?"

"Of course, Naruto-kun!" He turned, hopping away to find the source of the explosion. He found it a short time later, a large crater in the middle of the city. Sasuke, Tsunade, and Kakashi were already there, cowering down.

"Oh no! Won't someone save us!" Sasuke turned to Kakashi, who was just as afraid as he was.

"Kakashi-sensei! Help us! I'm to scared to activate the Sharingan! You're our only hope!" Kakashi turned to him, scared...um, scared...scared!

"Oh no, Sasuke! I can't do anything! If only someone were here to protect us!" Just then, Naruto hurried up.

"Ok guys, what's happening?" Kakashi turned to his favorite pupil, begging on the ground.

"Help us, Naruto! You're our only hope! You need to help us!" Sasuke groveled in front of him, begging on all fours.

"Naruto! You're way better than me! I need...no...we need your help! PLEASE!" Tsunade bowed low.

"Naruto! You should be the Hokage! Not me! Please! Help me! Help...well, ok, help them to. But help me more specifically!" Naruto laughed, nodding.

"Of course! I'm the greatest!" The three threw up their heads, singing out en masse.

"We know you are! You're the best!" Naruto pushed past, glaring at the men who stood at the edge of the hole. He smirked.

"So...Akatsuki again, huh?" Itachi and Kisame stood forward, fear written on their faces.

"Oh Itachi! What will we do? This kid is going to kick our butts for sure!" Itachi turned to his blue, stricken friend.

"I know, Kisame! What ever shall we do?" Naruto laughed as the other members hid behind the two.

"You know its worthless! I can take all of you!" Deidara was to frightened to speak. However, another member appeared, coming in a whirl of wind and leaves.

"You pathetic fools! It's a boy...a badly dressed one at that!" Naruto glanced down, taking in his outfit.

"Hey! I didn't write you saying that!" Orochimaru glared, scoffing.

"I know! But the writer, even though he despises me and wishes I were dead, couldn't allow you to hog all the glory!" Deidara stood up.

"Hey...what about me?" Orochimaru stared at him for a second before looking at Naruto again.

"You died in the manga...but the author already has a story about you, so get over it! This is my time to shine!" Naruto laughed, pointing across at the palish...bluish...um, freaky snake guy.

"Oh yeah! But, this story is entitled Superhero Naruto! So there, what do you think about that?" Orochimaru huffed.

"Right. But the story before it was called Naruto's story: Mispelled! So, this whole thing has been rewritten, can't you tell?" Naruto stopped dead, glancing at him and then down at the ground.

"Well...I never was good at grammar at school. But hey! I'll still kick your butt!" Orochimaru, though technically correct about the misspelling and the author having to retype the whole damn story because Naruto can't type worth anything and needed some adult supervision over the matter, scoffed once more.

"Of course you do! But not before I interjected with this little piece of dialogue and made you look foolish. HAHAHAH!" Naruto glared.

"I'm going to kick your ass for that!" Orochimaru was taken aback.

"Ah...touche!"

The battle was long, and lasted for many...um, minutes. But Naruto finally won, without a scratch, and blah blah blah! He left the Akatsuki members on the ground, bleeding and pouting and...um, hurtin' real bad!

"Oh Naruto, how can we ever thank you?" Sasuke held up a bouquet of flowers, ready to do anything for his hero. Naruto took them, giving them a sniff before giving them back.

"Get me some boxed ramen. Take 'em to my house and don't touch my stuff!" Sasuke bowed.

"Of course! You are the wisest and greatest ninja ever!" He ran off, going to get some ramen.

"Naruto! You must show me your great techniques! Even my Sharingan eye couldn't follow your intense, exciting, and altogether brilliant movements!" Kakashi said, begging.

"Naw. Not right now. Right now, I have a date with Sakura-chan. Um...you guys can clean them up, right?" Naruto asked, pointing over to the Akatsuki members. Kakashi glanced fearfully at them for a second, but sighed.

"I suppose. Darn! I never get to do anything I want to." Tsunade silenced him briefly, and then smiled for Naruto.

"Dearest Naruto! Allow me to grant you the privilege of being Hokage for the rest of forever...k?" Naruto thought about it for a moment, and agreed. All was great, and Naruto went to enjoy the food he liked with the woman that loved him. Um...I did get that across, right? The whole Sakura and Naruto thing? She totally loves him, and totally wishes that he would marry her. Yeah...that! Alrighty then, that's the end of the story!

* * *

(Sasuke scratched his head, glaring ruefully at the screen. Then, he shrugged, typing in bold letters "I did not type this!" and putting that as the header of the story. Then, he added it to his page. As long as the author had taken the time to rewrite it so that people would understand it, then everything was fine. He sighed, getting up and yawning as he went to the fridge for a glass of milk. He opened the door, grabbing the carton and putting it on the table. He went for a glass, but then stopped, taking another look at the carton and picking it up again. He shook it, hearing an unfamiliar jingling sound coming from it.

The carton was empty. Sasuke, his face frozen in a mask of rage, grabbed his coat on the way out the door.

"NARUTO!!!!!!!!!!!!!")

* * *

Me: There! See, I finally typed your chapter! Aren't you happy?

Naruto: No! You made me look like an idiot!

Me: Um...you look another way at all?

Naruto: Sakura's right. You're not that nice at all!

Me: Hey! I took the time to retype your story, so give me credit, you little bum! Geez, it took me, like, forever to figure out what you had typed, and that was with spell-check, a thesaurus, and my special de-coder ring!

Naruto: I don't spell that badly, come on!

Me: Oh yeah? Say mother may I, and then spell cup!

Naruto: Um...Mother may I...C...U...

Me: And that's all the time we have for today! Sorry I couldn't get this out sooner. I have like...um, 10 more fics out now. But don't worry, I probably won't type another chapter for this one for another month or so...so you have something to look forward to.

Naruto: Hey, the cup thing doesn't make sense...

Me: Say goodbye, Naruto!

Naruto: Goodbye Naruto!

Me: (sigh)

Cue theme music!


	21. Reviewers Comment Special III

Me: Hello, one and all, to the third annual...um, no wait. Third Reviewers Special! HURRAY! Ok, enough of that. Let's see...who is on the invite list...

Naruto: Hello!

Me: Um...I don't see your name here anywhere, Naruto.

Naruto: But...but...I'm the main character! I have to be here!

Me: No...you don't. But since you're here anyways, I suppose you can stay. Let's just hope that she doesn't get here.

Naruto: Who?

Me: You know...(looks around nervously before whispering) Sakura...

Sakura: I heard my name!

Me: NOOOOOOOO!!! It's the curse of the useless pink haired girl! NOOOOOO!!!!

Sakura: Shut up! I'm tired of all this useless stuff!

Me: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!

Naruto: I'm glad you're here, Sakura-chan...

Sakura: You're still never going to see me naked, Naruto.

Naruto: Darn...

Me: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

Sakura: So, when is Sasuke-kun getting here?

Me: He was to busy cutting his wrists and telling himself over and over again that life wasn't worth living to come, especially living with YOU!

Sakura: He's...he's cutting his wrists? NOOO! My Sasuke-kun! (Runs away)

Me: VICTORY IS MINE!

Naruto: Why'd you say that?

Me: To get rid of her. Hmmm...now, invite list says...Itachi, Deidara, Sasori...wait, Konan is coming?...YES! AWESOME!

Naruto: Konan?

Me: The chick from Akatsuki. She's, like, totally hot!

Naruto: Really? Hotter than Sakura?

Me: (If I could do an anime sweat drop, it would be here) Yes...much hotter. In fact, I think that Tenten is hotter than Sakura is.

Naruto: No way!

Me: Fine, be an underachiever for the rest of your days. Whatever, suits me. Now, let's see. Who else...Neji should be here. Kiba is done with the rabies thing, so he should be here to. Um...Hinata, Ino, and Lee should also be here...but, I thought Lee was doing a Glaceau Vitamin Water commercial...That's right! Glaceau Vitamin Water, the only water used by Lee and Uzuki-kun. Rich taste and smooth flavor, packed with vitamins and minerals for that quick start. Glaceau Vitamin Water...TRY IT!

Naruto: Um...what are you doing?

Me: No, nothin'. Ok, that should be everyone. Just wait for everyone to show up now.

Sasori: I'm here. Let's get this started.

Me: Hey Sasori! Um...where's Deidara and Itachi...and (drooling) Konan.

Sasori: I do not know. Deidara is always late. Itachi never arrives early, and Konan...is, well...

Me: What?

Sasori: She's on that time again...

Me: What? No! Say it isn't so!

Sasori: Yes...she's...on the paper!

Me: NOOOOOOO!!!!!!

Sasori: Shut up! God, I'm tired of you already!

Naruto: Where are the others?

Itachi: Sorry I am late. Kisame wanted to come, but I told him he wasn't invited.

Me: Well, since Konan isn't coming (sniff) he could've come.

Itachi: Hehehe...his loss.

Kiba: Ok, I'm here! Right Akamaru!

Akamaru: I suppose so! However, the context of defining here simply states that you have walked into the room, not that you are actually here in mind and body.

Kiba: Akamaru! We talked about this, remember?

Akamaru: Oh, dear me. I apologize. I mean...Woof!

Kiba: That's better. So, who else is showing up?

Hinata: Hello!

Kiba: Hey Hinata...

Me: Well, at least something is going right today...hehehe...

Naruto: Where's Neji?

Hinata: Neji...had something else to do.

Naruto: Like what, comb his hair again?

Hinata:...Yes.

Naruto: HAHAHAHAHAHAA!

Me: Well, his hair is quite gorgeous.

Naruto: No way! Mine is way better than his!

Me: (Tries not to laugh too hard) Well, I guess this is it, huh?

Ino: I'm here! Am I late?

Me: No, not late at all, Ino.

Ino: Good!

Tenten: I'm here to!

Me: Well, you weren't really invited, Tenten...

Tenten: What? Really?

Me: Yes. But, since Neji isn't coming, you can be his stand-in.

Tenten: Oh, Neji isn't coming? Well, I suppose I'll stay.

Me: Sure! Well, this is about it. So, let's start reading some fanfiction lovers mail, huh? First one goes to...um...Naruto...so he'll shut up for the remainder of this!

Naruto: Not very nice...but ok! First one is from jjayno1, and they say, " Lol that was soo funny you should definitely do a Jiraiya story. Oh, and does Sasuke really die in the manga by Deidara, coz the one I just read he was imploding, so, yeh..."

Me: No...unfortunately not. But, Deidara should be here, though. Just because he isn't in the manga anymore doesn't mean he doesn't have any rights to his toys, video games, or plushies! (Hugs his Deidara plushie closer)

Deidara: Did someone say plushie, un?

Me: Good, you're here. Well, since you just got here, why not read the next fan letter, Deidara?

Deidara: Ok, then! The next review is from Sasuke's Banshee...wow, they sure do review a lot, un!

Me: I know. Go on.

Deidara: Anyways, they say, "Heeheehee...I like weasels, they're fluffy!"

Me: Yes...yes they are. Mine is crazy to. He goes all phycho insane and blasts people with his weasel feet and carves them up like Christmas geese, and...

Hinata: Calm down, Uzuki-kun. Please...

Me: Erg...fine, whatever. Thanks for the review, Sasuke's Banshee. Next, why not read one Hinata?

Hinata: Sure. The next one is from CraZyBlueMonKey, who says, "What? I'm a girl, not a boy! (starts whining and complaining)."

Me: Oops...er...hahaha...right you are then, Monkey! You're a girl...erm...yeah. Sorry about the mix-up. Your name doesn't imply gender, just that you are a psycho, discolored simian...that's all. Er...hehehe...Itachi, take the next one, willya?

Itachi: Hmm...the next one is from KabutoLuvr, who says, "Great job Uzuki-kun, this is downright brilliant. Every time I read it I can't stop giggling. And shout out to Deidara, I love him! glances at username Although not as much as some... Speaking of which, will you ever bring Orochimaru and Kabuto into the story? We all know about their personal fan-fiction hell in real life... But anyway, update often, this thing is just too awesome."

Me: Yes...yes it is. Updating has become hard on this story, because of two reasons. One, I haven't really thought of anything new and interesting for it, and two, I have so many other stories, it has kinda gotten pushed to the side. It really sucks thinking of new ideas, and then not being able to un-think them, you know?

Itachi: I will kill Orochimaru and Kabuto. They will die!

Me: No...no you won't. Orochimaru...well, he's...not a problem. Kabuto...he's...well, I'd better not say. Um, Ino...no wait, Tenten...no...Hey! Both of you!

Ino and Tenten: What?

Me: Read the next one!

Ino: Ok, I'll start off. The next one is from darkmoonphase, who says, "Deidara...Tobi fixed it so Deidara exploded in the end, didn't he? I like Tobi...um...right. Good job! (Nice story, Deidara!).

Tenten: You exploded? That sounds neat!

Deidara: Wait...I exploded? WHAT! I never typed that, un! Errrr...TOBI!!!!!!! (Runs off to check his account and kill Tobi!)

Me: WAIT! DEIDARA! DON'T LEAVE! WE'RE NOT THROUGH YET!!!!!

Sasori: He's gone...this is boring, you are pissing me off!

Me: Then, why not read one, Sasori?

Sasori: Fine, I will. The next review comes from White Haired Teen, who says, " Ha ha! This is good! I love the story battle with Itachi and Sasuke! And Deidara's story was awesome! But when does Lee get to write a story?"

Me: What? Lee, write a story? Do you know how long it took me to get my computer running after the last time Lee tried to write a story? Huh?

Itachi: Hehehe...foolish little brother. He never did get good grades in Writing 101. Hehehe...

Me: But...he has you being gay with Orochimaru...doesn't that perturb you at all?

Itachi: Not one bit. I know it isn't true, as do my fan girls...(Turns and smiles at the camera, trying his best to look as sexy as possible). Besides, Sasuke has something in store that will probably destroy him forever...hehehe...

Me: Any chance of a hint at what that is? (Takes out a pad of paper and a pencil to get ideas)

Itachi: No...but I will let you know soon enough.

Me: Darn! Ok, well...um, Kiba! Take the next one, will you?

Kiba: Alright! Let's see, the next review is from sincerely – your stalker. They say, " Ah, this story always makes me laugh. Naruto seems like the type that can't use a computer or spell for his life. oh yeah, and aww! i think it's cute that you have a crush on hina-chan. rock on!"

Me:...

Hinata: Ummm...

Me:...

Hinata: Uzuki-kun?

Me:...

Naruto: WHAT! I can so type and spell. See what you did, you bastard? Now, people hate me! God!

Me:...

Hinata: (Not saying a thing)

Me: ALRIGHT! Moving right along now...um, I guess I'll read the next one, which is from Kokoro Kiyoshi. They say, "I read the first chapter and I already love it!" I know, it sucks you right in, doesn't it? You can't escape the iron grip of the funny! Give in! GIVE IN!!! MUHAHAHAHAHAHA!

Hinata: (Still not saying a thing)

Itachi: I am bored now. I will leave, since I have...plans...

Me: With Orochimaru? Hehehehehe...

Itachi: Err...

Me: Ummm...wait...what? (Stares into space for a second...then falls to the floor...)

Hinata: Um...Uzuki-kun?

Itachi: When he wakes up, tell him that he's next. Oh, and also tell him that I never really cut out his liver...(leaves)

Hinata: Um...So, now what?

Naruto: I will be the master of ceremonies now, since Uzuki is knocked out like a clown! Ok, the next one will be read by...um...me! HAHAHA! Jjayno1 says, "The whole begging bit with Kakashi, Tsunade, and Sasuke was soo funny! Update soon!"

Sasori: Humph...like all of us would ever be beaten by an upstart in an orange jumpsuit.

Naruto: HEY! It's not a jumpsuit! Geez.

Sasori: No fashion sense and a personality to match.

Naruto: I'm going to beat the living hell out of you!

Sasori: Not likely. Well, since no one else is here, I might as well...

Konan: Sorry I'm late, everyone. Traffic was murder!

Sasori: ...I hate you...

Konan: Nice to see you to, Master Sasori. Hmm...who's the guy on the floor?

Naruto: Uzuki...He has a crush on you, you know?

Konan: Really? Hmmm...he's handsome. Oh well, whatever. So, am I to late to read anything?

Naruto: Naw, go ahead. I'm bored now anyways.

Konan: Um...ok. The next one is from suzsan, and she says, "This is great!" Is it? I haven't been reading.

Naruto: Yes, yes it is! You should read it!

Konan: Maybe I will. Well, I have to go now. I have things to do, places to go...people to cut! Bye! (Leans down and kisses Uzuki-kun on the floor) Tell him when he wakes up to call me, ne? (Leaves)

Sasori: How pathetic...(Leaves as well)

Naruto: Hey! Everyone's leaving!

Ino: Yea, I have to go now, to. Shikamaru wants to do something. Chouji should be there to. See you all later! (Leaves)

Naruto: What? Guys, come on!

Tenten: Yea, I should leave to. After all, Neji will need help with his perm...teeheehee...(leaves)

Naruto: GUYS!!!!

Kiba: Don't worry, Naruto! I'm still here!

Naruto: Yeah, that's great, Kiba. Come on you guys! Come back!

Kiba: (sigh) I'll read the next one. It's from Sasuke's Banshee...man, they review a lot! Geez! Anyways, they say... "Naruto is so gonna get his ass kicked. . .and i'll join the killing naruto! Lol. Well, anyway...good chappie. (shakes head Naruto is so full of himself."

Naruto: What? I'm not full of myself! I'm full of squishy goodness!

Kiba: Shut up! Damn, you talk loud!

Akamaru: Yes, he does, doesn't he? He kinda reminds me of my sisters and brothers, but...

Kiba: Akamaru!

Akamaru: Oops...sorry! I mean...Woof! Arf arf! Errrr...woof!

Kiba: Keep it that way.

Me: Err...arg...what happened? Uh...AHHHH!!! MY LIVER!

Kiba: Don't worry, Itachi said he didn't actually remove it.

Me: God...I hate that guy now! I'll get him back for sending me to the realm of Tsukiyomi. Just you wait and see...I'll get him!

Naruto: Well, while you rant, I'll say the next one. It's from White Haired Teen, and they say, "Lol! I love Sasuke's title for the story! It's so original XD! Naruto's story was so dumb, but in a good way. "

Me: Hehehe...

Naruto: See! If you hadn't rewritten it, it would have been perfectly fine!

Me: What? Me? If I hadn't rewritten it, it would've been to hard to read and people wouldn't have read it at all!

Naruto: Whatever!

Hinata: Umm...you guys...I'm still here...

Me: Oh...Hinata...um...yeah...why don't you read the next one, ne?

Hinata: Oh...sure. The next review is from 4everfangirl, who says, "Itachi is not ugly! He's sexy! But other than that is frekin hilarious!" (Just then, Itachi runs in, doing his sexy pose really fast, then runs back out.)

Me: Um...what the hell was that?

Naruto: I don't know...

Hinata: It must have been...the SEXY FLASH!

Me: No...he doesn't exist...(looks at the audience) or...does he? (dun dun dunnnnnnnnn)

Naruto: Ok! Enough of that crap. I will read the last one. It is from Last Alchemist Standing, who says, "Yayness! You have returned! This was a pretty good chapter, but it wasn't your best. (It was kinda confusing with the whole Akatsuki thing) I liked the part at the end with the milk carton thing. Now please hurry with the next chapter because your awesomely awesome! Good job...and a smiley face thingy...and the initials L.A.S."

Me: I know I'm awesome! Yes, I am...

Naruto: Hey! My chapter was by far the best...

Me: No it wasn't!

Naruto: Yes it was...

Me: Whatever you say, Naruto...whatever you say...

Kiba: Oh! I just remembered, that Konan girl was here. She said for you to call her, Uzuki.

Me: What? She was here? What did she say? Really?

Naruto: Yeah...she said something about you calling her, and that it was important or something. Then...she kissed you! OOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!

Me: She...she did? I was asleep for it? Why the hell didn't anyone wake me up?

Hinata: We thought that...um, you could use the rest.

Me: NO!!! My one chance!

Naruto: She left a number for you...

Me: Really? Well, where is it?

Naruto: Umm...(Holds it up) Right here! LATER!!!! (Runs away)

Me: NARUTO! GET BACK HERE WITH THAT NUMBER!!!!

Naruto: No way! It's mine now! HAHAHAHAHAHAH!

Me: ERRRRRRR...NNNNNNAAARRRRRUUUUUUTTTTOOOOOOO!!!!!!!! (Both are now gone...)

Hinata: Ohh...it looks like only me and you are left, Kiba...

Kiba: Yea...I suppose so. Well, stay tuned for more, everyone! Say goodbye, Akamaru!

Akamaru: Goodbye!

Kiba: Akamaru!

Akamaru: Oh...I mean...ARF!

Kiba: That's better!

Hinata: Goodbye, everyone!


	22. Kakashi Tries To Write

A/N: I don't really know why I thought about this...but I did. And it was a hoot!

* * *

Kakashi walked into his apartment, setting down his groceries on the counter and leaving them there.

"I guess I should check my collection really fast." Walking to his bookshelf, he sighed up at the many books that graced it. Coincidentally, they were all written by the same person...and they were all of the same series. "You know, I think I will read...this one again." Taking a book off the shelf, he went to sit down on his bed, opening it and reading the first few pages.

_Derek and Alexandria made their way to the top of the hill. Looking into his beloveds eyes, he parted his lips._

_"Alexandria...I love you." She sighed slightly, allowing him to kiss her neck...and then work his way down. Her moans of pleasure began to please him, as he began to..._

"Hmm...you know, I am sure that I could write something like this. Yes...I am positive that I could." Getting up, he walked to his computer, sitting down and opening up a word document. For the next hour, he labored, typing diligently and re-reading what he wrote, just to type it some more. A knock on the door interrupted his cycle. Getting up, he went and answered it, staring out into the hallway at the one man that he adored more than any.

"Oh! Kakashi! Hello! Just stopped by to give you this." Jiraiya handed him a new copy of his latest book, signed and autographed by the man himself. Snatching it, Kakashi walked in, sitting down on the bed and opening it. Walking in after, Jiraiya glanced around at the apartment, nodding. "Ahh! A real bachelor's pad. Very good, Kakashi. Say...what's this?" Walking to the computer, he sat down, reading the words on the screen.

"Well, since everyone else has fan-fictions on the Internet, I thought I would type one myself. What do you think?" The old man glared at the screen for a moment before turning to look at Kakashi.

"The title is 'Anko and Kakashi Have Sex'?"

"Yes...it is straight forward and to the point. What do you think about the story?"

"Kakashi..." Jiraiya said, sighing. "That is the story. All you've written down is 'Anko and Kakashi have sex...the end.' What kind of story is that? It has no beginning...no middle...sort of an end, but it doesn't really have one of those either. What is this?" Kakashi stood, coming over to look at the screen.

"But I tried to follow your books, Jiraiya. I don't know...I think I did fairly well on this one." Jiraiya sighed once more.

"If I allow this anywhere, people will misunderstand my books. I cannot allow this. Therefore...I will retype this story right now!" He began working diligently, typing, adding, subtracting, and re-doing. After an hour, he had a reasonable story put together. Panting, he looked at Kakashi, who was shell-shocked. "Well...what do you think?"

"What do I think?" Kakashi turned, then scrunched up, turning around and giving him a thumb's up. "It's wonderful! AMAZING! FANTASTIC! You have put into words how I felt in my heart! Thank you, Jiraiya-sama!" Jiraiya nodded, smiling to himself.

"No problem, for my number one fan. Very good. Now I will leave. Enjoy!" Kakashi sat as Jiraiya stood, walking to the door and closing it behind him. Re-reading the story, Kakashi smiled under his mask. When it came to romance...Jiraiya was the best!

* * *

A/N: Heeheehee...the next chapter is going to be soooooooooooooooooooooooooooo worth it...heeheeehee 


	23. Wait! They Did WHAT!

A/N: Ok, I know that I just put out the last chapter today...but...this was too juicy to leave you all hanging. Therefore, I hope you will forgive me, but here it is! THE GREATEST CHAPTER EVER! ENJOY EVERYONE!

* * *

Kakashi sat on his couch, reading the newspaper. In all, the stories for that day were rather...boring. Nothing at all happening in the quaint town of Konoha. The sun, flashing brilliantly behind the shaded curtain of his room, began to peak slightly, throwing golden rays of brilliance around the small apartment. Kakashi sighed. He hadn't gone out for quite a while, since...the accident.

Suddenly, a knock on the door peaked his interest. "Yes...I'm coming." Getting up, he made his way slowly to the closed door, bringing his hand up and turning the knob. As it slowly opened, Kakashi poked his head around, smiling from underneath his mask. "Yes...what is it you want?" There, framed in the light, stood Anko Miterashi, chewing slightly on a dango and staring at the man behind the door.

"Oh...hi Kakashi. I just wanted to know if you had any batteries..." Kakashi opened the door fully, staring at the woman, who was wearing a very, very revealing outfit. The net shirt she wore barely hid any of her...more noticeable features, and the tight, leather pants were quite erotic, as far as Kakashi was concerned.

"Oh...yes, well. I believe I have some in here. Come in please. I will find them for you." Anko walked in, standing in the doorway and smiling at the masked man as he rummaged in a drawer. "You need triple A's or double's?"

"Double's...four of them if you have 'em lying about." She began to wander about in his apartment, impressed with the books on his shelf. "You read Icha Icha to? Great, aren't they?" Kakashi nodded as he pulled out the batteries.

"Yes...I find them to be quite well written and not lacking in romantic ideals or thoughtful eloquence." Walking to her, his hand flashed out, handing her the four batteries. "Here you are, my dear." She smiled, taking them. "So...if I may be so bold to ask, what are they for exactly?" Anko cocked her head, smiling slightly.

"Well, sometimes I get lonely at night, and...well..." Reaching into her pocket, she brought out something that looked quite familiar to the white haired Jounin. He coughed politely as she opened the panel, emptying the old batteries onto the ground and inserting the new ones. In place, she flipped the switch, shyly smiling as it began to hum. "Ah...good, it works. I thought that, you know, after the last time...Well, take care Kakashi!" Turning, she began to walk towards the door. Still breathless, Kakashi could only wave at her.

"Take care...um, Anko." Turning, he began to breath a little harder. Was...was Anko just in his room...asking for batteries...for her...her...Suddenly, two arms wrapped themselves about his middle, making him turn. A female face was thrust into his, and Anko smiled up into his eyes as her eyebrows raised.

"You know, Kakashi. It seems to me that I could quite possibly stay for a little while...and save some battery power as well..." Before Kakashi could answer her, he was thrust back onto his bed. Four cords of rope suddenly bound him, making him quite incapacitated. Anko's lithe form suddenly flopped on top of his, and he looked up at her face as she smiled down at him. Slowly, she pulled a kunai from her pocket, bringing it to her mouth and licking it erotically.

"Um...what are you going to do with that?" Kakashi looked from one to the other, nervous beads of sweat beginning to trickle down his face. In answer, he heard the slow rip of his clothes as the kunai cut through the fabric. He felt his pants suddenly come off, along with everything else that he had on. Anko smiled once more, getting off the man's body and standing in front of the bed.

"Huh...interesting. You are bigger in real life." She began to undress, taking off one piece of clothing at a time. Suddenly, she hurled herself at the defenseless man, and...

* * *

(WHOA WHOA WHOA! This is getting to crazy and descriptive! Let's just stop this here! Fast forward! AND...GO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!)

* * *

Kakashi lay on the bed, breathing hard. Anko lay next to him, also panting. Both were dripping with sweat, and as Kakashi tried to rise up, he found himself still strapped tight.

"Wow...Kakashi...four hours? You...you were amazing!" Kakashi smiled behind his mask.

"Thanks...you were to." She smiled, kissing him gently on the cheek.

"I didn't know you could do that with your mask on..."

"I didn't know I could either..." She laughed, getting up and dressing.

"Well, Kakashi. I'm glad I came down to borrow the batteries. If you don't mind, I may come down more often. Who knows..." She smiled, raising her hand in farewell as she slipped out the door, still putting clothes on. Kakashi sighed, his heart aching from the strain of the night.

_Hey,_ he realized, looking around. _I'm still strapped to the bed..._

(Kakashi smiled behind his mask. He had to admit to himself that that was probably the best, well written thing that Jiraiya had ever written, and that sex scene. He couldn't have done it any better than that if he had done it in real life, and then written about it after seeing the video recording over and over again. The sex scene...wow!

"Well...I suppose I should put it on my website then." Going to the website, he quickly added it as a new story, going back to re-read it. A knock on the door made him stop. Getting up, he went to the door, opening it and staring at Anko as she nibbled on a piece of dango.

"Hey Kakashi. Hey, you got any sugar? I'm trying to make some cookies, and I forgot to get some." The man nodded, opening the door.

"Sure thing, Anko. Come on in..." Turning, he went into the kitchen, rummaging around in the cupboard. "How much sugar do you need?" A small gasp from behind him made him groan. He had left the website up.

"Kakashi! Did you write this?" Anko sat in his chair, perusing the document. Whipping around, Kakashi held out the sugar in his hand.

"Um...no. But here's your sugar, Anko." She smiled, taking it and rising out of the chair.

"Thanks Kakashi..." She began walking away, opening the door up. Kakashi sighed slightly. He had really dodged the bullet on that one. Suddenly, she turned, smiling sharply at him.

"Hey Kakashi?" He looked up, staring at her.

"Ye...yes Anko?" Grinning, she shut the door.

"Got any batteries?")

* * *

A/N: OH MY GOD! THIS WAS SO WORTH THE PAIN OF NOT GETTING ANY SLEEP THAT NIGHT! I don't really know why I thought of this, to tell the truth, but I think it came out well. Man, you should have seen that sex scene. WOOO HOOO! You would have been totally impressed. You probably would have nosebled and passed out. Man, what a scene! GO KAKASHI! GO MAN GO! WHOOO HOO! Anyways, that's all for now my little ones. Please stay tuned, for new ideas pop into my head as we speak! 


	24. Orochimaru's Quandry

Orochimaru was having a bad day...and he knew it. First, there was the deal with the paper boy. He always knew exactly which window Orochimaru didn't like...and wouldn't break it! Then, the phone company called...and told him that they wanted him to stay on their service forever, free of charge! Then, the electric company came by and fixed his cable!

"Kabuto!" The silver haired man ran in, saluting.

"Hai, Orochimaru-sama?" The pale man quivered with rage as the assistant stood there, eying him.

"Where are my snakes? I specifically asked for snakes!" Kabuto blinked several times before pointing. Orochimaru turned, eying the slithering reptiles next to his foot. "Ah...yes...well...very good, Kabuto. Er...dismissed...for now...kukuku!" Kabuto sighed.

"Sir, do you have to do that?"

"Do what?...kukuku."

"That. It's...rather annoying." Orochimaru glared across at his stalwart follower.

"What the heck do you mean, it's annoying? It's how I laugh! Are you criticizing the way I laugh, Kabuto?" The medic shook his head.

"No...no sir! But...I was thinking. Perhaps that is why people write fan-fictions about us. You're...kinda creepy. Perhaps if you were...you know...less...you. Perhaps then..."

"What! People write fan-fictions about me? Why wasn't I informed?" Kabuto turned, sighing.

"Sir, I've told you this millions of times. You never seem to listen to me...ever!" Orochimaru turned away from his pet boa constrictor, looking up.

"What? What'd you say? I wasn't listening." Sighing once again, Kabuto walked from the room. Picking up a large specimen of a coral snake, the pale sannin strode to his chair, sitting.

"Hm...perhaps Kabuto is right. Perhaps I am...creepy." Looking down, he blinked at his snake. "What do you think? Am I...creepy?" Looking up at him, the snake nodded. In a fit of rage, the snake found itself plastered to the wall. "What do you know, scaly? Huh? HUH!?...kukuku." Leaving the room, Orochimaru began walking around the base, trying to find someone to yell at. "You! Go do something meaningless until I yell at you for being obsolete!" The man nodded, running off. "You! Fetch me a million pennies! Then...put them in aphabetical order, starting with 'P'! Then, line them up in stacks of fifty! Then do it all over again, only next time in stacks of seventy-five! Then, wait for me to yell at you for being so worthless to my entire operation!" The woman sighed, nodding and leaving. "I want everyone to tell me who is the master around here!" In unison, the surrounding servants all shouted out.

"You are, Orochimaru-sama! You are the master here!" Orochimaru smiled.

"Don't forget that! Kukuku!" Leaving the room, he plopped himself down at his computer, looking over his emails. "Oh! Neji has a poker game tonight? If Tsunade is there, I can make a killing...kukuku...killing...kukuku...Third Hokage...kukuku..." Typing up a reply, he sent it, looking over at a picture on his stand. "Soon, Sasuke-kun. Soon...your body will be mine! Kukuku!"

"Sir?" With a jolt, Orochimaru glared behind him.

"What have I told you about sneaking up on me like that, Kabuto?" Kabuto sighed, setting down Orochimaru's hot cup of cocoa.

"Sorry, sir. But...I was just thinking. This whole fascination with Sasuke's body isn't really helping things on the fan-fiction side of it. People think you're..."

"Powerful? Great? Wonderful? The best thing since hamburger buns?"

"Er...no. People think you're...a pedophile." Orochimaru blinked rapidly several times before laughing.

"Kukuku...oh, Kabuto. The silly things you make up. Kukuku." Turning to his computer, he laughed again. "Kukuku...to think...me, a pedophile? Kukuku..."

"Sir, it's true. I mean, take a look at your room here." Orochimaru gave his room a glossing.

"What?"

"Sir...you have nothing but pictures of Sasuke Uchiha on your walls."

"Nuh uh! That's not true! See?" Orochimaru pointed across. "See?...That one is Itachi! Kukuku!"

"Sir...that really doesn't help anything. Sasuke is a minor, therefore the way people see you wanting to 'take his body' makes you seem like a pedophile. Plus...you look like a certain celebrity..."

"Who?"

"Er...well...you kind of look like...er..."

"OH! Hold on, I'm getting an email from my cousin Micheal." Kabuto sighed, turning as Orochimaru read his mail. "Uh oh! Looks like he's in for it now! Tsk tsk, cousin Micheal! Kukuku!"

"Sir! Stop! This is embarrassing!" Turning, the snake sannin glared.

"Are you making fun of me, Kabuto?" Kabuto sighed once more.

"No sir. I'm just saying that perhaps if you read fan-fictions every once in a while, you would know what people are saying about you." Orochimaru snorted.

"Fine! I will!" Turning back to his computer, the pale man began a search of fan-fictions. Of course, looking for himself in any sort of fan-fiction query turned up...interesting results. "Wait...what? They have me doing what? WHAT?!" His grin slowly faded, replaced by a grimace. "Grr...what the hell do they mean by 'pedophile'? I'm just trying to take his body for my own! That's it! Doesn't anyone understand that?"

"See, that's what I'm talking about, sir. You're reputation is severely tarnished."

Not being able to stand it anymore, the sannin began typing his own story. "We'll see about that! I'll just type the real truth behind my motives! We'll see what kind of stories they write then!" He worked diligently for about an hour, in which time Kabuto was able to get the laundry done and watch Murder She Wrote. Finally finished, Orochimaru added it to the website, smiling.

"There! Perfect! This is exactly the kind of thing I needed!" Kabuto walked in, munching a scone.

"Sir, question. How did you just type that? Your arms are destroyed." Orochimaru glanced down at his bleeding, broken, battered, brown and blackened arms.

"Oh yeah. I forgot about that. Oh well, what the people who read my story don't know, won't hurt me." Getting up, he left the room, stopping at the doorway. "Oh! Kabuto! Fetch my slippers, won't you? Thanks...kukuku." Kabuto sighed, going to do his master's bidding. It was a pain to be Orochimaru's right hand man...but someone had to do it. After all, Kabuto reasoned to himself...Orochimaru didn't exactly have a right hand. Well, one that functioned, anyways.

* * *

A/N: This is because KabutoLuver wanted it! Here you go! Oh, sorry this is so long in the coming! The reaction shouldn't be that long...so...yeah. Sorry, oh dear ones! Just think, though. If you didn't read it, you didn't know what you were missing...until you did! 


	25. Orochimaru's Claim to Fame

Sasuke Uchiha. Last of the Uchiha's. He had seen to that months ago, using his skill, knowledge, and strength to best his brother. Itachi had been slow to realize how much stronger his younger sibling had become, so it was no hard thing for the boy to kill Itachi in the cruelest manner possible. Slow...deliberate...one body part at a time. His sword was meant to slice...and slice it did. Each fragment of Itachi's person hit the ground, until nothing remained but blood, gore...and blood!

It was with this conscience that Sasuke Uchiha returned to Konoha, to be in his city once again. The streets that night were quiet, and the boy walked beyond the main gate towards the Hokage Tower. On his way, he was stopped by a girl. Her pink hair flowed in the breeze, and for a moment, she smiled, seeing her lost love return to her.

"Sasuke-kun...I...when..." He smiled, walking to her and grabbing her around the waist. She gasped as his face came closer to hers, until they were inches apart. "Sasuke...kun..."

"Sakura-san...hello." She blinked, then smiled shyly.

"Sasuke-kun...hello to you...to." She fluttered her eyelashes coyly, smiling at the boy. Her lips pursed, and she began to inch forward.

"Yes, Sakura-san...hello...and goodbye!" His movements were much faster than she could imagine, and his sword barely swished the air. Her medical techniques never lasted...when her head was detached from her body. Ripping the shirt from the slain girl, Sasuke smiled as he wiped his blade on the fabric, throwing it back down. "Hn...stupid insect." Resuming his walk, he found himself in the front of the Hokage tower. Smiling up at it, he ascended the building, no sound or movement coming from him. Upon reaching the top, he glared into the Hokage's chamber, where Tsunade slept peacefully, probably drunk as always. Slipping in quietly, he went to her, kneeling down and sighing. "Tsunade-sama..."

"Hmmm...what?" Blinking, she looked up, seeing the boy. "Sa...Sasuke?" He smiled, nodding.

"Hai...Tsunade-sama." It was then she noticed the blood on him.

"Wait...why are you here? What?" Jumping up, she got into a fighting stance, her hand out. "Infamous outlaw Sasuke Uchiha, what are you thinking coming into my room like this? I'll have you arrested!" Her hand shot out, connecting with the boy's face. All her might...her strength...her sheer tenacity, struck in one blow. She smiled, but gasped as the boy's face moved her arm back.

"Tsunade-sama...you grow weak with age." His sword flashed out, and even the Hokage, a Sannin, and the legendary medical nin, couldn't dodge fast enough. Slashing her from stomach to chest, she was thrown back, coughing blood as Sasuke stood.

"Sas...uke...I...will...kill...kill..."

"Now now, Tsunade-sama. Is that any way to speak...to an old teammate?" His foot lashed out, catching her in her stomach. Winded completely, she bent over, the perfect target. His sword flashed once, and she stood, half-bowing, as it crunched into the wood of the floor...despite her heart being the first thing it passed through. She fell, the floor reverberating. "Hn...stupid woman. Never understood the power of immortality!"

"Sir...is it clear?" Sasuke Uchiha smiled, turning around to face his own medical nin.

"Hai, Kabuto. Please...tell the others to begin the assault. This shouldn't take long." Turning around, the boy felt the other leave. Kneeling, he caressed the face of the previous Hokage. "You were so beautiful, Tsunade-sama. Shame that age makes one frail...weak...ugly!" Getting up, he walked to the balcony, seeing shapes beginning to stalk the houselines and roof tops. His Sound soldiers would make quick work of the city.

"Sasuke!" Turning, he addressed the boy...who must have come to speak with Tsunade.

"Ah...the jinchurriki. Hello...Naruto-kun." Naruto blinked, but glared back.

"What have you done...teme? HUH! WHAT!" His hand flew into a hand-sign, and four Naruto's stood there. Sasuke shook his head at the boy's tenacity.

"A shame. You would have made a fine pupil...if you hadn't been so stupid and obsolete!" His sword lashed out once, catching all four Naruto's and slicing them in half. The real Naruto gasped, staring down at his middle...as it disconnected from the rest of his body. Before his eyes closed, the boy glared up at the raven haired elite.

"Sasuke...why?"

"Oh? Why, you say? I don't know why. Perhaps I was tired of this place. It was always so boring. It needed to move, if you understand?" Of course the boy didn't. He went on. "By the way, you should stop calling me Sasuke."

"That's...your name." Sasuke smiled, then laughed...then roared.

"Kukuku!" Taking out his hand, he ran it over his face. "Does this...help?" His hand removed, he stared at the boy, who was falling to the floor. He died with one word on his lips.

"Orochimaru." The man in question went back to the railing, staring down as fires erupted into the night. His assassination squad was doing its work fine.

"No more Konoha. Shame. So many fine test subjects here. Oh well. On to the next one, I suppose. Ku...kuku...kukukukuku!" Turning back to the inner sanctum of the Hokage's tower, he opened a bottle of fine sake, one from Tsunade's secret stash. "A toast to me! A toast...to the Sharingan...and it's new owner!" The wine spilled sloppily as he threw it away. "Disgusting drink. In my world, no one will have need for alcohol...because no one will want anything but what I give them!"

* * *

(Orochimaru smiled at his computer, turning around. "Kabuto! What do you think, hm?" The medic nin in question glanced down, his eyebrow raising. 

"You know, Orochimaru-sama. That is quite good."

"Yes. I also killed Itachi. Did you see?"

"Yes, well done, Orochimaru-sama."

"Thank you. I threw in that part with Tsunade so people would know that I'm straight." Turning back to the computer, he grimaced. "Though the thought of calling her beautiful fills me with loathing."

"Plus the fact that you don't like women." Orochimaru blinked, turning to address the empty room.

"What was that? Who said that? Show yourself!" A snicker was his only answer, and he stalked off, intending to kill people because he could...and because he would feel better for it.)


	26. Reviewers Comment Special IIII

Me: Hello! Welcome to...wow, really? Four? Really four? Can't believe it myself. Cool! Ok, this is the Ultimate Cool Awesome and Totally Spiffin' Reviewer's Comment Special Number 4! (Cue epic music and streamers) I hope you all wanted a long chapter...because this is going to be one. I haven't done this thing for much much too long! Oh the worries. Ok, since this is spiffin' uber fantastical, I am going to do something I don't normally do, and I already did it! This is the special evil guys forum! HURRAY! Oh, cue epic evil laughter. MUHAHAHAHAHAH! Ok, enough. So, for that, I have...

Naruto: Hey! Am I too late for this thing?

Me: What? No...but go away. This is for villains only!

Naruto: Oh...shucks. I could be a villain if I wanted to.

Me: Great...now leave!

Naruto: Fine. Don't forget to watch my show, dattebayo!

Me: If they didn't watch your show, why would they be here...dufus.

Naruto: You have a point. Alright, see you! (Leaves)

Me: Hopefully not. Ok, as I was saying, this is the ultimate cool villains special, so I have invited the Sound 5, all of Akatsuki, and Orochimaru and Kabuto. They should be here about...now!

Itachi: Hello. I am here.

Sasori: So am I and Deidara. Though...I don't know where he is.

Deidara: Right here, Sasori-no-danna.

Sasori: Good. You're not late...like usual.

Deidara: I'm never late!

Sasori: Humph!

Itachi: I'm sorry to say that Pain-sama won't be joining us.

Me: Really? How come?

Itachi: He has...rule the world things to do.

Me: Oh...he kinda scares me anyways.

Tayuya: Alright, I'm here you sons of bit—es. Let's get on with this thing!

Me: You might be foul-mouthed...but you're hotter than Sakura.

Tayuya: That's sweet...but shut the hell up!

Me: Done and done! Where is everyone else?

Tayuya: They couldn't make it.

Me: What? This is a villain's comment special. Why couldn't they make it? They're villains!

Tayuya: Hey! Don't raise your voice to me you little sh--!

Me: Duly noted...but still...

Tayuya: I don't know. Don't ask.

Kimimaro: Do not ask about what, Tayuya?

Me: Oh, good. You're here.

Kimimaro: Of course. I never arrive late.

Me: Good. Um...anyone else coming?

Kimimaro: I do not think so. Though, I haven't seen anyone else as of late.

Kabuto: Hello, everyone.

Me: Well, there's Kabuto. Where is Orochimaru, Kabuto?

Kabuto: He's...counting pennies.

Me: Oh...right.

Kisame: Woohoo! I'm here!

Me: Sup, Kisame!

Kisame: I'm going to eat you, that's what's up!

Me: Yeah...don't do that.

Kisame: Ohhhh...

Konan: Hello.

Me: Crud...Oh! Hey Konan...um...heh he...long time no...um...see?

Konan: I'm not speaking to you!

Me: (Pouts...)

Kisame: (Whispers to Uzuki-kun) What's that all about?

Me: (Whispers back) I didn't call her back after our date...

Kisame: What? Konan? Why the hell not?

Me: ...paper cuts...bad memories...eek...

Kisame: (Looks at Uzuki, then at Konan) Oh...

Me: Well, I suppose this is it for right now. Hopefully everyone else will show up...but we may as well read some fan-mail. Umm...Kabuto, start us off, will you?

Kabuto: Sure. First one of the day is from xTxNxLx, and they say, "lmfao! Great chapters btw, hope you will update soon xD."

Me: Well...I will try! I've got two other major works going on right now, and one minor one. But I will keep on trying for my fans! MY FANS!

Konan: Oh shut up!

Me: You know what, Konan?

Konan: (Glaring) What?!

Me: Um...read the next one!

Konan: (Sigh) Fine...the next comment is from some guy named Wolfie, and he says, "Hey all! Just comin in to say luv the story! Ah, finally, the characters of Naruto discover the joys and horrors of fanfiction. Although, there was this one, where everyone went to the beach, and Neji didn't want to go, so Tsunade put him in the 'fun box', and when they got to the beach, Naruto introduced everyone to lemons! It was funny! He picked out ones for himxHinata, SasuxSaku, NejixTen, and ShikaxTema(or Ino, I forget XP) lol, it's called - Mission: Hallowbeach? - you should totally read it! It's hilarious! anyway, update soon! Okami (found out it means 'wolf' )" Who cares if it means wolf!

Me: Hey! Don't insult my readers!

Konan: I don't care about your god damn readers! I don't care about any of this!

Me: Itachi...would you please?

Itachi: I ain't touching this with a ten foot pole. You're in on it for yourself.

Me: Grrr...ok! It wasn't...that bad, Konan. I mean...cuts heal in time...right?

Konan: You're just saying that!

Me: No! Really...the...bandages are...festive...er...yeah...

Konan: Oh! (Grabs Uzuki and hugs him) You're so sweet!

Me: Ow ow ow ow ow...(Bleeding profusely) Konan...please let go...please?

Konan: Oh...ok. (Let's Uzuki go)

Me: Ow ow ow ow ow...

Kabuto: Here...(Heals Uzuki-kun with his magical hands of justice!)

Me: Ah! Much better! Konan, hire Kabuto to be a medic on our dates and I'll go along with it!

Konan: Really?

Me: Yes! As long as I have Kabuto and something for the hangovers after I get drunk so I don't feel the pain!

Konan: Deal! (Leaves to find a medical nin)

Me: Whew! Out of that fire. Ok, next one can go to...Sasori, for waiting so patiently.

Sasori: Whoopee...this is from Sasuke's Banshee, and they say, "heeheehee. I woves it! Me and my friend rpg all the time, and im usually deidara and shes tobi. for some strange reason we end up killing off all the akatsuki at the end. . .and tobi glomps deidara and wont let go. . . lol we need to get off the sugar. . .or somethin. keep it up!"

Me: Glad you like it, Banshee! Hope to hear from you again...like I have another choice?

Kisame: Hey! Let me read one! Come on! Please?

Me: Well...since you said it so nicely...and since there is a shark eating my foot...I suppose...

Kisame: Great! The next letter thing is from jjayno1, and they say, "lol hehehe that story sounds like its gonna be funny as hell:P"

Me: Hmm...after chapter 22? Oh, the one before the Kakashi episode? Yes...that story did sound like fun. I'll tell you, that story had been naggin' at me for hours, and I was at work, doing...work...and then I went right home and typed it for my fans to enjoy! Itn't that great?

Itachi: Yes...it is great.

Me: Thanks, Itachi!

Itachi:...I'm going to kill you.

Me:...But...er...I'm not even part of your family.

Itachi: Doesn't matter...

Me: Well then, why don't you say the next one?

Itachi: Goody...

Me: Um...Itachi?

Itachi: Oh...that was for real? Fine. The next comment is from Haku's Adorable Bunny, who changed their name recently to Abecedarian Girl, and they comment by saying, "Hahahahahahaha! This is so funny." A great comment. Short. Easy to type.

Me: Yeah...usually don't get those.

Itachi: I hate you...

Me: Me too, Itachi. Oh well, I'll just hire Sasuke to take you out.

Itachi: Hehehe...foolish little brother.

Sasuke: HAHA! I found you! Prepare to die! Chidori! (His hand glows)

Itachi: **Yawn**

Sasuke: Prepare for doom! HIYA!! (Attacks)

Itachi: (Begins to type on my paper)

Me: Hey! You can't...

Itachi: Then, Sasuke found himself in a bunny suit. He looked down, and commented on his tail, then he hopped off to find Naruto and kiss him. The end!

Sasuke: Hey! A bunny suit! I like my tail, I will have to find Naruto and kiss him! (Leaves)

Itachi: Hehehe...foolish little brother...

Me: That was...funny and disturbing at the same time. So! I will read the next comment! It is from Abecedarian Girl again! Hurray for multiple reviews! Anyways, they say, " . , -shudders-, Ew, that was so creepy!" For chapter 2. That was Sasuke's chapter. He is kinda evil.

Itachi: He will never be as good as me, though.

Me: You're right, Itachi. Plus, he's emo.

Itachi: One can't be emo and hope to defeat me.

Me: Yes...or have a pink-haired fan-girl...(Looks around)...named Sakura...

Sakura: I heard my name again!

Me: Oh god...why does this happen to me?!

Sakura: So...what should I do?

Me: Nothing. Itachi, if you would.

Itachi: Of course. I would be glad to. Ahem! (coughs politely) So, Sakura went off and found Sasuke, and they got married, had a bunch of kids that were as emo and useless as the both of them, and lived happily ever after...until the whole bunch fell off a cliff. The end!

Sakura: Um...that didn't make a lot of sense.

Itachi: Hmm...she's so useless, my typing skills have no effect on her. Let's try this. (coughs politely again) And so, Naruto ran on-stage left, tackling Sakura to the ground. He proceeded to bandage her up, and dragged her off stage right, where she was no more useless to us.

Naruto: SAKURA-CHAN! (Jumps on the pink haired girl, tackling her to the ground. Proceeds to wrap her up and carry her away like a present.)

Me: I'm glad Naruto isn't useless...just stupid.

Itachi: Me as well.

Orochimaru: I'm here! Everyone can stop waiting now. Kukukuku!

Itachi: I don't like you...

Orochimaru: But...I love you Itachi-kun! Kukuku...

Me: Wow...he is creepy. So, he will read the next one. Go ahead...you creepy creep guy.

Orochimaru: I will slit your face! That didn't make any sense, so the next comment is from Akatsuki Ferret. They say, "Man, this is freakin' hilarious! Though it reminds me of my fic entitled, 'The Mysterious Box of Mystery'...oh well, please update soon:D"

Me: It's good that it reminds people of the fics I stole the idea from...I mean, that I never read before in my life! HAHAHAA!

Orochimaru: Sometimes, the backsides of birds remind me of...

Me: Let me guess...Sasuke?

Orochimaru: No!...yes...

Me: Hey! I think I hear Kabuto calling you. Um...there he is! He has Sasuke! And...um...he's naked?

Orochimaru: What? Where? I'm coming, Kabuto! Hold him down for me! Kukuku! (Leaves)

Me: Phew! Glad that's done with. Alright. Let's see who's here...um...oh! Deidara? Is he still here?

Deidara: Right here, un!

Me: Great! Read the next un!

Deidara: Hahaha! You used un, un! Hahaha! (Makes a clay shuriken) Do it again, and I'll slice you up the middle, un!

Me: Oh...sorry...

Deidara: Good! Now, the next comment is from Rei-06, and they comment by saying, "SasuHina! I love this pairing. I can't wait to see what Sasuke does." ...un...

Me: Yes yes...everyone likes pairings that are non-conventional.

Deidara: Except for DeiSaku pairings...those are lame, un.

Me: Yes...yes they are.

Kisame: Can I read another one?

Me: Sure. Why not.

Kisame: Yays! Next one is from Rei-06 again, and they say, "OMG, don't scare me like that! I thought that whole ItaOro was real, but once I got to the end I started laughing."

Me: No...that will never ever ever be real, and Sasuke will burn for his beliefs!

Itachi: He has no beliefs...that is how he found himself in this position.

Me: Yes...well...he'll still burn. Hear that Sasuke? BURN!

Sasuke: What?

Me: Oh...you're standing right here? I don't care. Whatever. Nice bunny suit by the way.

Sasuke: Thanks. Have you seen Naruto?

Me: Um...(Points) He and Sakura went that way.

Sasuke: SAKURA?! That whore! I'm coming, Naruto! (Leaves)

Me: Hehehehe...fun.

Itachi: While you laugh, I will read the next comment. It is from Rei-06 again again, and they comment on chapter 4 by saying, "This was so funny!"

Me: That was your chapter, Itachi.

Itachi: Hehehe...foolish little brother. My chapters are always the best.

Me: So...any clues as to what you're cooking up?

Itachi: Nope.

Me: Ahhhh...

Konan: I'm back! I brought that medic nin! (Brings in Sakura)

Sakura: Hello again!

Me: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!

Sakura: What?

Konan: He has a blister or something. Don't worry, Uzuki-kun! I'll kiss it and make it feel better!

Me: How much pleasure and pain can mix! It's not fair!

Konan: Hmm...perhaps you should go now, Sakura. He'll calm down later...after the cutting...

Me: I love you to, Konan.

Konan: Hahaha! The next comment is from Rei-06...hey, Uzuki-kun. They comment a lot, don't they?

Me: That's why I love my readers! They all comment so diligently.

Konan: Hm...anywho, they comment on Chapter 8 now by saying, "The chapter was good but I loved the ending. Ah, silly Lee." Lee is silly, isn't he?

Me: Bushy brow? Yeah, he's aight. Ok! So...now that we've covered everyone...

Tayuya: Hey! What about me you son of a...

Me: Oh, yes, Tayuya...please.

Tayuya: Alright then! Rei-06 again on chapter 10, saying, "Aw, Shikamaru and Temari kissed." I hate both those bit—es!"

Me: Shikamaru...how can you hate Shikamaru? He's awesome! And so is Temari!

Konan: Who's this Temari person?

Me: Oh...no one, Konan. Hehe...he...um...Read the next one...

Tobi: Tobi is here! Tobi is a good boy!

Me: Tobi! You're here! You're a good boy!

Tobi: Tobi just got done saying that...

Me: Whatever. Read the next one, Tobi!

Tobi: Tobi will read it! Tobi is...

Itachi: A good boy. Great. Now...the comment?

Tobi: Oh...yes...thank you, Itachi-san. The next comment is for Chapter 23, from jjayno1, and they comment by saying, "hehe loved the ending :P"

Me: That was Kakashi's chapter. He's a man of my own heart.

Kakuzu: I have five in me!

Me: Kakuzu! Hey, can you lend me five bucks?

Kakuzu: Sure. But, that's at five hundred percent interest, plus compounded daily interest, plus five bucks. I'll want it in...ten minutes.

Me: Um...never mind. Read the next one.

Kakuzu: Ok. SuperanimespazmonkeyxD...weird name...says, "Tehehe I love the story but Naruto's was the stupidest thing written on fanfiction and Sakura is very useful once Sasuke breaks her heart. Can you add more stuff with the Akatsuki? Itachi is the best character ever!"

Me: Hmm...in order, yes, no, always, and perhaps.

Itachi: Perhaps I am the best character ever?

Me: Yes...perhaps.

Itachi: (Does his sexy pose, in which case thousands of fan-girls world wide die of ecstasy) How about now?

Me: I'm a guy...it don't really work on me...

Tayuya: Hey...Itachi...what's your sign?

Itachi:...oh great...

Me: Good luck on that one, Itachi. Hahaha...Ok, the next one will go to...Sasori! Because it can!

Sasori: Great...Stygian Styx comments by saying, "Funny story so far, but Sakura is not useless!...I'm sure she makes a VERY effective meat-shield."

Me: I laughed when I read that. Yes, she does make a good meat-shield. A very good one in fact.

Zetsu: Mmmm...meat! (Tasty!)

Me: Zetsu! You big fly-trap on the wall, how you been?

Zetsu: Weird and split...(Yeah, I want to go to the zoo!) Mmmm...tasty things there at that zoo.

Me: Well, before you go do that, say the next comment, won't you?

Zetsu: Sure...(Sure...) I just got done saying that...(I don't care...) Err...Hali-chan says, "Ahaha! Uzuki-kun, this is hilarious! I love the plot idea, and though you've already said that its not quite as original as it seems, I've never read this type of plot before and its new to me! My only request is more Hinata in the chaps, maybe one all for herself, though she'd probably go on about Naruto (not a naruhina fan, he doesn't deserve her when he's chasing after the USELESS Sakura!) and end up fainting before she finished the story...oh well she's still my fav character! Think you could write one about Sai too?"

Me: Hehehe...Sai. That would be a funny one. Nothing in it but...well, you know.

Zetsu: (Disappears into the floor)

Me: AEGGHHH!!! Man...that's creepy when he does that...

Zetsu: I know...that's why I do it...

Me: Aughh...(Shakes himself) Ok, well, I suppose that...

Konan: Ok! I found the next medic nin! (Brings in some girl from the hidden cloud village)

Some girl: Um...hi?

Me: Konan! You can't just kidnap people from villages like that!...even though she is cute...

Some girl: (blushes)

Konan: Oh no! You hussy, get back there! (Kicks some girl back to the back) Alright, find a guy this time...someone who he isn't interested in in the least! Have to find them! Have to! (Leaves...)

Me: Poor Konan.

Kisame: Hey, are the papercuts really not worth it?

Me: Trust me...those are some major big papercuts...and they hurt like you wouldn't believe.

Kisame: (Imagines...) Hm...yeah, never mind.

Me: I will read the next one, and call it good for right now. Can't have to much of a good thing, I suppose. Jjayno1 finishes up this reviewer comment special by saying, "omgosh I laughed so hard reading this, I loved the bit about the coins I feel bad for that person (shakes head)." Yes, Orochimaru is kind of a cad like that, isn't he? Alright, so that's it, eh? I know I have more to go, but I will save those for comment special number 5! Oh my god, really number 5? Wow, that's a lot. That's like...more than four! Cool! Alright you guys, stick with me, and I'll be back! Because it was requested, and because I think it would be a good idea, the next chapter will be for Sai! Then, hopefully, Itachi will have his all done so he can get back at Sasuke! Thank you all for reviewing and commenting, favoriting and selecting! Um...doing the dishes and taking out the trash! ...yeah, right... Ok! See you later everyone! Everyone, say goodbye!

Everyone: Goodbye!

Deidara: Hey! I found this cool looking piece of clay! Lookit!

BOOOOOMM!!!!!

Me: LOOKS LIKE TEAM UZUKI-KUN IS BLASTING OFF AGAIN!!!!! (ding!)


	27. A Different Work Of Art

"Oy! Sai, what are you doing?" Naruto smiled, hopping into Sai's small apartment and glancing around.

"Painting." Sai was a man of hardly any words. Naruto frowned, taking a look at one of the paintings on the wall. It was of him...only, his body was a round shape...and his entire frame was orange.

"Hey...what's this one supposed to mean, huh?"

"It means exactly what it looks like." Naruto growled deep in his throat.

"So, what? You think I'm an orange?"

"No, Naruto. Of course not." Naruto smiled, nodding. "I think you're annoying. Orange's are quiet."

"Why you!" Making a mad scramble towards the boy, Naruto clenched his fist, preparing for a punch.

"Idiot! What do you think you're doing?" A white fist pounded down, leveling the boy into the ground. Naruto lay motionless for a moment, wondering what on earth he had ever done to deserve being punched almost constantly. "Sai-kun, we have practice in an hour. Did Naruto tell you?"

"No. He merely advised me that my paintings weren't up to his standard." Sai smiled over at the pinkette, who cocked her head at him. "It isn't as though he is an art critic by any standards. Someone who can't even dress himself properly shouldn't be telling others how their artwork looks." Naruto grimaced.

"Can't dress properly? What's that supposed to mean?" Sai smiled again, looking down.

"I suppose it can be forgiven at any rate. Besides, I'm sure that the bright orange colors of your clothes distracts from your small pen..."

"Arrggghh!!!" With a lunge and a shout, Naruto flung himself from the floor, aimed directly at Sai.

"Naruto...down!" Another punch from Sakura laid him out flat. Lying in a pool of his own filth, Naruto glared up.

"I...hate...you..."

"You do? Interesting. It seems that you should hate Sakura for punching you so many times. All I am doing is merely commenting on what is seen, and what is known. But, in any case, you do as you like. Justifying a small penis with insults is probably how you go through life." Turning back to his painting, the boy could only feel the glare from behind him.

"Sai-kun, we have to get going. Kakashi-sensei is waiting for us," Sakura said, still trying to rectify the situation.

"Very well. I shall be there shortly. Tell Kakashi to hold his proverbial horses, and I will attend him soon, yes?" Sakura gave the boy one last look before grabbing Naruto by the back of his shirt, hauling him up and roughly frog marching him out the door.

"But Sakura-chan! He started it!"

"Baka!"

"Ouch! Why do you hit me like that, Sakura-chan?"

"Because, you're acting foolish..."

"Me? What about him?"

"He is acting...like Sai."

"I know! That's what pisses me off!" Sai listened to them leave before giving his painting another brush stroke.

"What useless people." Adding a small bit of orange to the painting, he smiled, satisfied that it was done. Or, perhaps satisfied to the point of being done. He never really thought of any of his paintings as being truly done. They were all just...finished to the point that he cared to finish them to. Hanging it aside to dry, he stood back, placing a finger on his chin and tapping it. "Now, a name. Sakura-san says that paintings need names. I've named every one of them here...so a good name for this one?" He thought more and more...and then smiled, nodding. "Hai! Good name!" Carefully, he wrote out a name placard, placing it gently next to the painting to dry along side. The words _A Horse's Anus_ were wrote out, neat and clean. The picture? An orange horse being kicked in the backside by a pink one...while a black horse stood in the background, watching. "I do not know why, but this picture makes me feel...good." Musing to himself, he began to prepare to leave. A small beep on his computer made him stop and turn.

"Oh? An e-mail that I have? How quaint." Walking to it, he sat down, opening up his email and reading it. "It's from Ino-san? A date? With her? That doesn't sound pleasant at all..." He was about to type out a response when more words popped up. "Oh...she typed about it on a fanfiction, and wanted me to know. Should I care? What would one say in this situation? I must remember, women like false realities, especially when told something about themselves. Let's see." Without even reading the story, as he knew what most of it would be about, he began to type a response back. "Ino-san. Thank you for writing the story. It was lovely." Looking at the words, he sighed, sending it. "That's about as reverse as I could get it. Hopefully, she'll like what I wrote." The boy was about to get up when an idea pegged him. "Well, I've never been a writer...but I suppose it couldn't hurt to write about something. Something I know, of course. Let's see." Opening up a document, he began to type. The hours ticked away, and he sat, still typing. Proofreading over and over to himself, he was finally satisfied...to the point of being satisfied anyways. "That is as good as it will be...because I don't care about it being better." Opening up his own fanfiction account, the boy added in the new document, making it a story all by itself and nodding.

"Well, that's done. I suppose that I should get to the training grounds now..."

"Oy! Sai! You moron! You didn't even bother to show up! Kakashi-sensei was late to! You really piss me off, you know that?" Sai blinked, turning to the open window, where Naruto sat, fuming.

"Oh? I must have gotten too busy. I never do that. I must really have liked typing that story up." Naruto blinked.

"Wait...story? You? You wrote a story? This I gotta see. Let me read it!" Hopping down, Naruto went to the desk, only to have Sai's hand smack into his face.

"My story is private. You don't need to see it."

"But Sai...what good is a story if you don't let others read it?" Sai hiccuped, as if thinking it over.

"A valid point. However, how good is a story if you can understand it?" Naruto blinked, processing the information.

"How good...is a story...if I can...understand it? What's that even mean?"

"Exactly!"

"Hey! Are you making fun of me?"

"I don't know. Is this another situation where I should be telling the opposite of what I really think?"

"You son-of-a-bitch!"

"Naruto-kun. You could hardly call me that, can you? You do not even know my mother."

"I wouldn't want to!"

"Good. Because she would probably laugh at your small pen..."

"Arrrgggghhh!!"


	28. Inquiry of Sai's Mind

Sitting alone, in the darkness of the mind, one begins to wonder how monotonous emotions can be. Perhaps the human psyche doesn't understand the fact that emotions are more a burden than something that must be revered as extraordinary. Do human beings feel emotion all the time? Are we supposed to?

Perhaps through the evolution of man, one can find that emotions begin to drag down the malaise of life. Happy, sad. These are the same emotion, just construed in another way. Find one emotion, and certainly, you will find another.

A shinobi will realize that emotions make for a weaker persona. Granted, some shinobi draw strength from their emotions. Of course, when emotions are as fleeting as the wind on a cloudy day, the strength that one has from something interpreted as sadness or rage soon leaves, leaving them weak and vulnerable. Though a shinobi that uses no emotion whatsoever can be seen as a machine of mechanical influence, is it not the shinobi way? We are taught, from the time we are little, that emotions hinder our paths through life. Is this not the way of things?

Who is this...Naruto Uzumaki, who uses his emotions so willingly? Who is he to tell anyone else that he will become Hokage? No one has the power of foresight. Hindsight is something that comes with experience, yet when one stops to use hindsight, especially a shinobi, that shinobi is most often already dead. Hindsight is useless to the dead, so hindsight has no meaning for a shinobi. Why then would someone use emotions to raise the level of ingenuity and strength they possess? Why would they do something so...stupid?

This...Naruto Uzumaki. He is an intriguing fellow. Simple rules govern his life. The complexity he shows is that of a mouse, yet he is deeper than an ocean. This is probably his strength, this deep ocean of trust and understanding, that allows him to stand on his own.

As I see it, he has only stood on his own. He and I are alike in this. I have never had anyone to count on as a friend. My friends have long since perished under the sword. The sword...or the kunai. Truly, his meaning of friendship is not unlike my own. Though, his friends far outnumber mine, which is perfectly succinct with today. I need no friends. I need no companionship. I am a shinobi. I am...alone.

Do I need to be alone? Do I need to be...lonely anymore? I now know what Uzumaki was attempting to tell me. He was trying to be my...friend. Do I need friends? I find that, somehow, friends cause more trouble than they are worth to keep. Case in point is the Uchiha. This...Sasuke Uchiha. He had a friendship with the Uzumaki, yet, the Uchiha turned his back upon him. Naruto tends to want this relationship of his back. Something that I cannot begin to understand. When one has betrayed you...why would you want it back? Why would you care about it?

Of course, this is is all circumstantial. None of this is truly coincidental to the time period at hand. What do friends matter, when life and death is held on a string, and the world can be thrown into chaos at any moment? Is there a point to friendship? Is there a point...to life?

Perhaps this is also what the Uzumaki wishes to tell me. Perhaps this is what Naruto wishes that I learn from him. Perhaps...perhaps this is the reason that he is here. To be my guiding light. To be my way into the world of an understanding of human contact. To understand him. To...to understand myself.

Is this what it is about? Is friendship...trust...are these things really so important? I believe that I will find this out in the long run. I believe...that I shall understand them when I understand myself. I will understand these things...when I am taught by Naruto Uzumaki.

Besides...friendship...trust...understanding. This is probably just Naruto's way. It is hard to be emotionless as I am...especially when your penis is so small...

("Sai! I'll kill you!" Naruto thrashed out again, his hand barely missing the other boy's face.

"Naruto-kun, you should work on your aim. Your penis can't be weighing you down that much, can it? It is much too small for that."

"Shut up about my penis! Geez, what are you, some kind of whack job?"

"A whack job? No, I do not think so. Merely...I am an artist." Naruto seemed to calm himself, taking a deep breath...before lunging out again.

"An artist? An artist of what? Most of these paintings are just squiggles!" Sai smiled, dodging to the left as Naruto flew through.

"Merely squiggles. But that is art. Someone with such a small penis couldn't begin to understand." Naruto howled, turning and beginning another run.

"Baka!" A fist crashed down, sending Naruto to the floor. Sakura glared down at him from her position at the window, then smiled up at Sai, who was still smiling with amusement. "Sai-kun, you never showed up to practice."

"Ah. From what I hear, neither did Kakashi-sensei." Sakura sighed, nodding.

"Hai. He was so late today that practice had to be canceled."

"Then what point was there for me to join? Perhaps I wasn't late. Perhaps...I was just smart, hm?" The boy cocked his head at her, and she smiled at him.

"Perhaps so. Well, come on, Naruto. Let's go get something to eat." Naruto smiled from his position on the floor.

"Really, Sakura-chan? Like...a date?"

"Sure...but you're paying!"

"Oy...Sakura-chan...so heartless..." Sai's smile never left his face, his head still cocked, as Naruto picked himself off the floor.

"May I...join you? I will even pay for the meal." Naruto looked over, glaring.

"Huh? You wanna come?"

"May I?"

"Well...as long as you pay." Sai nodded, still smiling.

"Right. Than let us go." As the three left Sai's small apartment, the boy glanced up at the sun, slowly fading into the distance. "I have much to learn. Much to learn indeed. It isn't all the time I have a teacher with such a small penis..."

"Oy! Sai, what are you saying?"

"Oh...nothing, Naruto-kun. Nothing...")

* * *

A/N: You have no idea how hard Sai is. He is much to emotionless for his own good...did that make sense? I dunno. Anyways, Itachi is still being secretive about his next chapter, so I will have to see if Gaara is ready for his chapter. He's been bugging me about it again...it's hard to get good hands when they are being crushed by silicate. OK! Next time, Gaara's chapter. Okey dokey then! 


	29. Gaara's Cookies

* * *

Gaara was in no mood for games. Being Kazekage was a tough business, and this whole ordeal was just making it that much tougher. "Temari! Where the hell are my cookies!" Said girl answered from another room, to busy schooling Kankuro on the mechanics of Guitar Hero.

"Um...they should be in one of the upper cupboards!" However, the Kazekage wasn't to be appeased.

Popping his head into the room, he watched as strings of notes cascaded down the screen of their large screen television, Temari hitting each of them practically on the button. On the other side of the screen, Kankuro was having difficulties...on an Easy setting. "Damn it, Temari. I can't get this! Stop! Hey, you're cheating! Wait, I hit that one! Arg!"

"Haha! You're just jealous! Here you are, the puppet master, and you can't even master a fake guitar!" As a solo descended, Temari stuck her tongue out, going so far as to turn away from the television during a seemingly endless string of notes and playing them all perfectly. "Heh! I'm the master of games!"

"Temari! Cookies! Now!" As the red-headed boy's exclamation broke her concentration, a steady beep and buzz began to go off...consequences of missing notes. The girl huffed, turning back to the game.

"I'm busy kicking our bro's ass, Gaara! Come back later." The song was almost finished. Just one more solo and Kankuro's shame would be complete. As the string began...the game buzzed and the screen went black. Standing, mouth agape, at the blank television set, Temari looked down, noticing a string of sand coming from their brand new Xbox. "Rrrr...GAARA!"

"I...said...COOKIES!" A threatening, ominous chill overtook the room, and both siblings glanced nervously at the gourd-wearing jinchurriki, who looked as though he hadn't gone to the bathroom for a month. Putting up her hands in a non-threatening manner, Temari chuckled lightly.

"Hehe...hey, Gaara. What I meant to say was...er...Kankuro, help me out here..." The boy blinked, turning from the two as he took off the guitar controller.

"Cookies? Oh...here." Turning to a box that was sitting on a table, he quickly tossed it to his brother, who snapped it up with a hand of sand. As the appendage lowered so he could see into it, he grimaced.

"Kankuro...this box...is empty..." The box went flying across the room, and the Kazekage took a menacing step towards his brother, who rubbed the back of his head sheepishly...while looking very nervous.

"Oh...hehe...yeah. Sorry about that. When I play...I eat. I like sugar...so..."

"You...have two seconds...to produce...more cookies...before..." Gaara began, raising a hand. A slither of sand wrenched itself around the boys leg, and Kankuro gulped. "One...one and a half...one and three quarters..."

"Hey! I was thinking! How 'bout me and Temari go get some more cookies! Meanwhile...you can...do something fun! Like...er...type up a story? What do you say, Gaara?" Kankuro asked, spurting out the words as fast as possible. Slowly, the boy's hands fell, as did the sand.

Mulling the proposition over in his mind, Gaara turned, nodding slightly. "Very well. Get me cookies. Remember, I don't want any of those health food cookies that taste like crap!" He didn't even need to turn around to realize his siblings were gone. Smiling to himself, he chuckled. "It's good to be the Kazekage..." However, Kankuro's idea didn't seem like a bad one. Why not write a story? It would take his mind off the cookies...and off killing his brother for eating them all.

Striding from the room, the boy went to the den, where full computer access buzzed and beeped. Konoha had finally gotten on the web, so now, the two villages traded information on-line. Hackers were still a problem, but it was much faster than sending a message by bird. Taking a seat at the nearest computer, Gaara brought up a word document, staring at the blank piece of paper in front of him as he tapped his forehead for an idea.

"Damn it...this is harder than it seems..." he said, quietly under his breath.

"Gaara-kun? Is that you?" A voice from behind him turned his attention back to the door, where Baki stood, blinking in at him.

"Yes. What is it?"

"Oh. Nothing. I've just...never seen you in here, Kazekage-sama. Sorry. I'll leave."

"No, wait!" Gaara said, holding up a hand. Baki blinked once more before stopping his activities, walking into the room and bowing.

"Hai, Kazekage-sama?" Tapping his chin, the red-head decided to clue the man in on his dilemma.

"I am trying to think of a story. It...is difficult. What should I write about that will gain people's attention's?"

"Hm...an interesting idea, Kazekage-sama. I didn't know you could write...er...had any interest in writing," the man said, correcting himself as Gaara shot him a glare.

Sighing, the boy turned back to the screen, again tapping his forehead. "I don't know what to write about. Perhaps something I know." Now, it was Baki's turn to smile. Walking to Gaara's side, he knelt, nodding.

"Gaara-kun, you have to write about something you know at heart." Still smiling, the man put up a hand, tapping Gaara lightly on the forehead. "Something you know a lot about. Something..." Standing, the man waved, turning to the door. "I'm sure you'll figure out something great, Kazekage-sama. When you do, let me know. I'll have it distributed to everyone in town."

As Baki left, Gaara rubbed the spot on his forehead that Baki had tapped. "Something...I know about? Something...something..." Suddenly, the light turned on in his brain, snapping into place the motions of his story. "That's it! Something I know about!" Turning back to the computer, he began to type his story out, little by little, each word framed to take a new meaning into it.

"Gaara! We're back!" The boy blinked, wiping a hand across his eyes.

"You haven't been gone long enough. The store is clear across town."

"Gaara...we've been gone almost two hours...and...hey, what are you doing in here?" Kankuro asked, walking into the room. "Are you looking at porn? The Kazekage shouldn't look at porn, Gaara." An evil glare from his brother immediately shut his mouth.

"It isn't porn. I did as you said I should. I'm typing up my story." Kankuro stood amazed as Gaara turned back to the computer, still typing. As the hooded boy put the cookies down nearby, he slowly back-stepped away to the sound of clicking and tapping. As he made the doorway, he turned slightly to address Temari, who was just as amused...and frightened.

"Oy...I didn't think he'd actually start typing something...did you?" Temari grimaced, turning to her brother.

"Um...no. But...that means..." A smile lit her face, and she raced to the other room. "Come on! Try it on Medium this time!"

"What! No way!"

As the two scampered off, Gaara shook his head. "Idiots." Hitting the last period, he smiled, going back up to peruse his story. It was short...but then again, he would lose interest if it was too long. "That seems sufficient. I suppose that I should put this on a website. Hmm...where to put it, though?" Clicking on a web-link, he scrolled down on sites to post one's own work until one struck his fancy. "Hmm...this one. Fanfiction...sounds good. I'll post it there." Clicking on the link, he went to the opening page, opening his own account and going into it. However, as he tried to click documents, it wouldn't allow him to post.

"What is this? Two days for spamming?" Growling, he quickly stood. "I'm the Kazekage of the Sand Village! I don't need two days, computer!" The computer buzzed for a moment, and then a new screen popped up. The words _Special Accomodation for the Kazekage is Allowed_ was replaced on the screen, and Gaara smiled as his story appeared magically on the site. "Good. Keep it that way." Adding his chapter to a real story, he sat back and pondered his next move.

"I guess I'll go watch Kankuro make a fool of himself," he said out loud. Standing, he turned from the room, walking out into the den...where the steady strumming, yells of triumph, and sounds of bleep bleep eenk were coming...and other noises from Kankuro that Gaara was sure shouldn't be repeated to civilized people.

* * *

A/N: Hello everyone! It's me! Uzuki-kun! Sorry this took so long! Actually...I'm not, but still...no, not really. Anyways, the next chapter is Gaara's, which is good, cause he was really bugging me. Stay tuned!


	30. What's the word?

Surveying my city. That's right. Mine! I never thought about it that way before. But...more and more, I couldn't help but understand that the city of Sunagakure was mine. It...was...mine! No one elses. No one. Not Akatsuki, not some up-start village in the middle of the sea, nothing! Nothing was going to take it from me.

"Gaara-kun! Are you coming in?" My sister, Temari. She was always so worried about my safety and well-being. She...loved me so much. Dearly and sweetly.

"Hn. Perhaps later. I haven't gotten a good look at the moon yet," I replied. It wasn't much. Of course, I never did sleep right if the moon wasn't out, shining down on MY city. My city that loved me so much.

Temari yawned in response, flipping a hand at me...lovingly, of course. "Alright, little brother. Goodnight, then." Then, she was gone.

Hm. Sleep. Who needs it? Of course, more and more, without my demon, I've been feeling...tired. Sure, I've never really slept much before. Most of the time, whenever I sleep, I destroy. But, once, I did take...a little nap. It was wonderful, to say the least.

As I gazed upon the city...that was mine, of course...I told myself that nothing could ruin it. Nothing at all. Then, a small voice came from the street below from where I was sitting. "Um...Ga...Gaara-kun?" I glanced down, sighing at the figure in the street.

"Hn. Matsumi-chan. What are you doing out this late at night?"

"I...I...I just wanted...to...make sure...that...you were...ok, Gaara-kun. Oh! I...I mean...Kazekage-sama...sir..."

I blinked, looking back up at the night sky where the moon was just beginning to come over the sand-dunes. "I am fine, Matsumi-chan. You should be in bed right now."

"I...I know. But...but...but..."

I sighed again, shaking my head to rid it of any ideas and standing up. "Matsumi-chan, my city is fine. I am fine. You are fine."

"I...I know, Kazekage-sama. I..."

"Matsumi-chan." I stopped her, and she glanced up, her eyes catching the first rays of the moonlight. "Matsumi-chan, you need not call me Kazekage. Gaara is just fine."

She sniffed and smiled, nodding at me. "Oh...hai, Gaara-kun."

I sighed again, hopping off the top of the Kazekage tower and landing on the street below. "Matsumi-chan, allow me to take you home. I wouldn't feel right if something happened to you in my city."

"Oh...tha...thank you, Gaara-kun! That's...that's very...very nice of you..."

"Hn." I took her hand, leading her through the streets of Sunagakure, her keeping pace barely a step behind me.

As we left the streets for a more open thoroughfare, the moon arose fully in the sky. Apparently, something in the moonlight reflected off of my green eyes, because the girl next to me...began to hyperventilate by just looking into them. Not that she wasn't beforehand. It was just...more noticeable now.

I turned my head to her, wondering what was the matter. She looked at me, and for a brief moment, I saw a tear in her eye. Than, she turned away, glancing to her right as if noticing something else.

"Matsumi-chan, are...are you alright?"

"Oh...hai, Gaara-kun. I...I just...well..."

"What, Matsumi-chan? I am the Kazekage, and I wish to know everything that happens in my city. That includes those people that live within my city." She blushed deep red, so deeply that even I could see it.

"Well...you see, Gaara-kun. Actually...I...I wanted to...I...well..." She stuttered. It was annoying, but, somehow, strangely appealing to me.

"Yes, Matsumi-chan?"

She gulped. Her throat moved visibly against her sleek frame, and I could feel my own throat tighten slightly. I had never really taken a moment to observe her in the moonlight. But, her face and physical features. They were stunning.

"I wanted...to say...Gaara-kun..."

"Shh." She blinked, taking a quick breath as she glanced at me.

"Ye...yes?"

"Come with me. I have something to show you." Quickly, I took her hand. In the back of my mind, I called a small slip of sand to begin to crawl up her face, pausing briefly to caress her chin as it wrapped slowly about her eyes. Thankfully, the sand in my gourd was a softer consistency than that on the ground. Normally, I would never use my sand in such a way. But, she didn't seem worried. "Doesn't it bother you that I am covering your eyes with sand?"

"No, Gaara-kun. Besides...I...I know that you...you would never do...do anything to...to hurt me. I trust you." I smiled, something I knew that she couldn't see, as the sand enveloped her eyes completely.

"Good. I'm glad. But, I don't want you to see where I'm taking you just yet." Reaching down and bending over, I picked her up by her legs, shooting into the warm desert night.

It was a little time later that I stopped, setting the girl down and uncovering her eyes. "You may look, Matsumi-chan."

She did...and gasped. I had taken her to my favorite spot. It was a small lagoon, in the middle of an oasis, just on the outskirts of Sunagakure. It was my favorite spot of all time...something that I didn't normally share with anyone. Not even my sister or brother. But, I felt Matsumi-chan was different.

"It's...it's beautiful, Gaara-kun!" She released my hand, running forward to caress some of the night-lilies that grew on the outskirts of the pond. "Mm...they're beautiful."

"Yes. This is a place that my mother has told me about." I walked up, kneeling slightly to take a flower in my hand and pluck it gently. This I put in the girl's hair, smiling as the deep blue of the flower brought out her eyes more. "There. Beauty to match beauty."

"Th...thank you, Gaara-kun." Then, my hand slipped under my shirt, and slowly, I took it off. She gasped as I began to undo my belt and pants next. "Ga...Gaara-kun! What are you doing?" Her blush was deeper if it was possible.

"I am going for a swim."

"But...but we don't have...swimsuits." She turned her head away, shaking it slightly.

"I usually don't swim with one. Besides, the night air will dry out the clothes faster this way..."

"Clothes?"

"I don't swim nude, Matsumi-chan. I may be the Kazekage, but I do have rules." I stripped off what remained of my clothing except for my undergarments and strode into the water, allowing it to come up to my head. I didn't like to immerse myself completely. The feeling of water over my head was a feeling I could never get used to.

I gave a deep sigh, willing the weariness of the day to leave my body. It was hard to be the Kazekage. But...it was my city. My own city. I cared for my city, and though it may not seem like it every moment, my city loved me. Loved me for what and who I am. Slowly, my eyes opened, glancing at the nervous girl on the shore. "Are you not going to get in, Matsumi-chan?"

"I...I..."

I shrugged, turning and heading for deeper water where I could tread. It was relaxing, the feeling of total weightlessness. Something that I never really felt often, what with a giant gourd of sand on my back and all.

I was just getting used to the floating abyss when a small splash invaded my senses. My eyebrow rose as I turned to glance at the girl. She had stripped entirely, except for her bra and underwear. She was trying hard not to look at me...even though I was gazing at her.

"Are you alright, Matsumi-chan?"

"Ye...yes, Gaara-kun. I...well...this is the first time...that I've ever been...this naked in...in...in front of a boy..."

"Oh." I never really noticed it before. I had always had my clothes on...well, for a good portion of my life. I had never taken the opportunity to think about someone else looking at me without my clothes. I suppose that, subconsciously or not, I never truly cared. Most of the people who had ever even seen my skin had died, usually through my own doing. But, it wasn't something that I paid heed to.

Matsumi seemed to get her energy and courage up, and she swam out to take a look at the moon, which was, by now, easily seen through the slight cover of the palm trees. "Oh...Gaara-kun...this...this is gorgeous!" She was at the center of the lagoon, spinning slowly around and around as she glanced at the sky. The stars twinkled as brightly as her eyes, and I felt myself slowly melting into a kind of ample bliss.

"Hn. Thank you. Please do not tell anyone of my secret area. I wouldn't want it known."

"Oh! Of course, Gaara-kun!" I smiled, nodding as I laid my head back. Closing my eyes, I sighed, my back against the coarse sand of the lagoon. It was merely a moment later that another body brushed against mine, and a head laid itself against my chest.

"Matsumi-chan?" I looked up, and a dusting of brown hair caught my vision. Her breath was hot against my skin, and I shivered as she allowed her arm to lay itself around me.

"Oh...Gaara-kun...I...I love...you..."

There it was. The word that was stamped on my forehead. Love. Was...was this what true love was? Usually, an illusion of love eluded me, sent to my heart in the form of gory battles and bloody victories. But...true love?

"You...love me, Matsumi-chan?" I had never thought about love in any other form except victory. But, now that I thought about it...yes! My city loves me! My siblings love me! My country loves me! I love me! And...

"Yes, Gaara-kun! So much. I love you...I love you, so much..."

Love.

I am loved.

I am Gaara no Suna.

Gaara of the Sand Waterfall.

Gaara of Sunagakure.

I...am loved.

(Gaara sighed as he thought back on his story. He didn't really care if it got hits or not. To tell the truth, if no one read the stupid thing, it was fine. He enjoyed writing it for some reason. He felt relieved...justified.

"I'm kicking your sorry ass, Kankuro!" Temari smiled, playing another string of relatively impossible chording's as Kankuro barely followed, his side of the screen barely traveling down the television as he tried in vain to keep up.

"Yeah!? Well, I don't play this stupid game all the time, blondy! So...just shut up!"

"Blondy, is it? Well then...broken string!" With that, a string snapped on screen, and Kankuro's eye's widened.

"Crap! You're cheating! That's not fair!"

"Well then...you shouldn't have said blondy...painted face!" Two more seconds, and the game ended, Temari holding her guitar up in victory. "Haha! I win!"

"Temari-san. May I play?" The girl blinked, turning to Gaara as he stood.

"You? Wanna play? With us?"

"Yes. Is that a crime?"

"Well...no...but..."

"But?"

"Well, sure! I mean, of course, bro! Come on!" I smiled, taking the guitar from Kankuro.

"Oh, by the way...I am sorry that I made you two go out and get me cookies. It was selfish...even for the Kazekage." Gaara glanced down, blinking at the ground. Temari and Kankuro exchanged a worried glance before Temari smiled, walking up and putting an arm around Gaara's shoulders.

"Don't worry about it, bro! That's what family is for, right?"

"Yeah, and besides! We love you too much! We would've done it anyways."

There it was again. That word.

"Thank you. Now...let's play."

"You may want to start on easy, Gaara. I don't want to beat you too badly." Too bad for Temari that Gaara had been practicing without anyone around.

"Don't worry about me, Temari. Oh, and don't go easy on me...because you love me..."

Temari smiled, nodding. "Right. I wouldn't dream of it. Ready?"

Gaara smiled back, nodding himself as the game began. "Yes...believe it!" )


	31. The Stutter Heard Round The World

As her hand reached for the front door, Hinata couldn't stop herself from thinking back those couple of days to the story that Sakura had written about her and Naruto-kun. Of course, she was also thinking about Naruto-kun, and what he'd say if or when he saw. He probably would be quite mad, thinking that perhaps someone had written about him without including Sakura in the mix. What if...what if he became mad at her!?

It took a moment for her to shake the feeling. "N-n-n-no. He wouldn't d-d-do that. I'm...he's...erg..." Kicking off her shoes, she sighed. "I stutter, even when I'm t-t-talking to myself. Ok, I can't think about Naruto-kun anymore. I'll...I'll...I'll just think about...waffles! I like waffles. Waffles are good! Waffles with syrup and honey! Yummy ummy waffles."

"Waffles?" The exclamation behind her made Hinata jump, her head turning around faster than the girl in _The Exorcist._ Only, she wasn't spitting green slime on her sister, Hanabi, who just happened around the corner.

"O-h-h-h...Hanabi-...chan. I'm sorry. You f-f-frightened me."

"That's ok, I don't mind. Oh...you wet yourself..."

Her sister blinked, her face turning a bright crimson as she glanced hurriedly down at her front. All she saw was a finger, which slashed up her nose, causing her to whine again. Hanabi smiled, twirling her hand and sticking it into her pocket. "Ha! Gotcha, sis."

Hinata sniffed, wiping a hand across her nose. "Tha-a-a-at's not n-n-nice Hanabi. You shouldn't tr...treat me like that."

"Eh, lighten up." Turning around, Hanabi left, still smiling.

Sighing again, Hinata left the main chamber to go up into her bedroom. _I seem to be doing a lot of sighing_ she thought to herself. Gaining her room, she slipped in, shutting the door lightly and tossing her coat onto her bed. Not bothering to hang it up, it went to the floor next, so that she could lay down without a hindrance. "I wish that Naruto-kun would notice me..."

Suddenly, an idea popped into her head. Shooting straight as if an insect had just bit her, she snapped her fingers. "O-o-of course! If Sakura-chan can write a story, I'm sure that I c-c-can to!" Hopping up off her bed, she went to her computer, sitting down and opening a word document. "Now, I have to make it convincing. I can't make it too...er...what's the word that Sasuke-san always uses? Oh! Right, fan-girlish. Can't have that..." Slowly, her hands began to type, than they began to type faster. Literally flying around the keyboard, her hands became their own entity, her eyes watching the screen as she flew with the help of her Byakugan.

After an hour and a half, her story was finished. She had no spelling errors, she had checked her punctuation, and everything was in order. If Naruto-kun saw it, he would at least _think_ about a NaruHina pairing. Of that she was sure of.

Just at the moment that she was going to save, a knock on the door made her jump. "Hinata-chan! What're you doing!?"

"Hanabi! Go away, please. I'm trying to do...erm...homework..."

"No you're not! You're probably masturbating!"

The door flew open, revealing a very shocked and very red-faced Hinata. "Hanabi-chan! Where on earth did you learn about that!?"

"Oh, I heard someone talking about it." Slipping into her sister's room, she smiled. "What is it, anyways?"

Hinata sighed, closing the door. "Well, Hanabi-chan. It's...it's...it's...too mature for someone of your age."

"Cool! What are you writing? This isn't homework!" Hanabi interrupted, her face plastered to the screen of Hinata's computer. Hinata sighed, for the upteenth time that second, to walk over, forcing her sister away.

"No, it's not. I'm...I'm w-w-writing a story, an-an-and you..."

"Can be in it!? Oh please, Hinata-_ccccchhhhannnnn!!!!_" Her sister quipped, finishing Hinata's sentence. Again, another sigh.

"Well. I...I suppose it couldn't...couldn't hurt..."

"COOL!" Sitting down at the chair...which Hinata promptly confiscated back. "So...what kind of story is it?"

Hinata blinked at the screen, coming up blank for any reasonable solution. _Action? No...adventure? Hm...I have it! Science fiction! She likes those. She'll buy that. _"Oh, it's a love story..." _DAMN!_

"A love story?" Hanabi said, something tinging on doubt in her voice. "Who the hell would you love?"

"Oh...no one in...particular." _Naruto-kun..._

"Well, if this is a love story, can you put me in with my crush?"

Hinata blinked, staring up at her. "A...cr-cr-crush, Hanabi-chan? W-w-who..."

"He's a boy a grade higher than me. His name is Konohamaru..."

"K-K-K-KONOHAMARU!!!???" Hinata was practically in tears, her sides convulsed in mirth. The one boy that had set himself up as Naruto's double...and her sister was after him.

"Yeah," Hanabi said, hands on hips, "and what's wrong with that? He's smart, funny, brave, daring. I could've picked worse, you know. I could've been going after someone like that moron Naruto."

Hinata couldn't tell if her gulp was audible. It was certainly loud in her ears. "We-w-well. I...I suppose..."

"Great. So, start typin'!"

Another hour went by, with Hinata attempting to keep her sister from reading the entire story. As her fingers stopped their frantic journey, she took a breath, quickly adding the story to her list of one other on the fan fiction site. Turning from the computer, she glared. "Ok, Hanabi-chan. It's on. Now, will you leave me alone?"

"Well, I suppose," was the reply. Turning about, Hanabi began to leave. Suddenly, she turned back, her hand cocked. Hinata gave a yip, huddling down. A laugh met her ears, and she looked up. "Haha! Gotcha! Two for flinching!" Two rapid-succession punches slammed into her arm, and she felt it go numb as she gave another cry, this one for real. Still laughing, Hanabi left the room, leaving Hinata with an aching arm.

_Hn...well, at least she's gone._

Standing, Hinata went to look out the window into the stars. Holding her aching appendage, she sighed again. "Naruto-kun. Please please please please see my story." Her arm hit the window ledge, and she yelped as it stung worse. Rubbing it ruefully, she grimaced.

"Bitch..."

* * *

A/N: Ashamedly, I admit that I am soooooo far behind on almost...well...everything on this site. But, hopefully, I'll have free time to get some writing done. Please don't kill me, as I'm too old to die. Plus, I'm immortal. So don't even try! Put down that gun! PUT IT DOWN! RUNN!!!!


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